Wedding Bands

Gizmo813

My FI has been unemployed for 20 months, and our budget has been extremely tight. We're currently living on my salary alone ... which, in NJ is extraordinarily challenging. We are about ready to look at wedding rings, and I'm having a very difficult time justifying spending what FI thinks will be $1000 on the wedding band I want. So, my thought is to buy a plain white gold band, and then get the one I really want when we have a little more money.

FMIL thinks this is a terrible idea. After all, how can you get married with different band than you end up wearing? She thinks it's extremely bad luck and just not done. She thinks that we need to either 1 - put the band I want on a credit card and find some way to pay for it or 2 - go with the less expensive band and wear it forever as the wedding band. She says that I can always get the band I want later, but it must be worn in addition to the original one, not instead of.

My opinion is that FMIL is being ridiculous. 

I guess I'm looking for validation (or dissent) for my thought process. Has anybody been married with a different band than you ended up wearing? 

manateehugger

FMIL needs to get over it. Not her ring, not her finger, not her business. 

People "upgrade" e-rings and bands all the time. My FMIL only wears an "anniversary band" FFIL got her a few years back for their 25th anniversary. 

[Deleted User]

Don't forget to check your local resale (pawn) shops, sometimes you can get great deals there. We got both my rings at jewelry store that sells new, estate & traded in stuff. In fact my husband traded his wedding band from his first marriage to help pay for my e-ring.

CMGragain

My father had at least three different rings.  He traveled for work, and kept leaving it on the edge of the sink in a motel, and then forgetting it.
I still have the plain, thin gold band I was married with 38 years ago, but if I had to replace it (or wanted to), it wouldn't bother me at all.  Never get too attached to things.  It's your FI who counts, not the ring.

emmyg65

FMIL is being ridiculous.

My mom and dad planned their wedding in two weeks when they were poor recent grads in the 70s. They bought cheapie gold bands at the equivalent of Target. Horror of horrors, I don't remember either of them ever wearing them in my lifetime! Of course they still have them, but they don't wear them. For their 20th anniversary, my dad got my mom a beautiful gold filigree band with a small ruby in it that she wore as her wedding ring. He added a gold eternity band for their 30th. Now that my mother's mother has died, she wears my grandmother's engagement ring instead and the ruby ring on her right hand. So lots of different ring configurations, none of which ever reflected my parents' love for each other or the strength of their relationship (37 years strong!).

doeydo

I have a gorgeous, thin white gold wedding band with a row of diamonds (looks like an eternity band when on, but the diamonds don't go all the way around) and it was $320 (there was a wedding band weekend event going on so stuff was on sale and I didn't have to pay the tax).  Anyways, my point is that you can probably get a band that you like that is still within your budget.  Look around at different places and keep an open mind, maybe you could get a used or estate ring.

Grabows14

My parents lost both their rings and never replaced them... I don't think it matters too much others say about your decision with your wedding band. 

I always support the notion of buy what you can afford, I would definitely not put the ring on a credit card to pay off. 

ShellD13

I agree with the PP, your FMIL is being a bit ridiculous.  I say buy what you can afford today.  Now with that said, there are lots of options for great and less expensive jewelry.  Stores that sell estate pieces are great options as is the internet.  My FI didn't like the idea of buying jewelry sight unseen from the internet.  But I'd heard really good things about Blue Nile.  When the store where he'd purchased my e-ring from only offered a rounded profile platinum band for $700.  I got him to check out Blue Nile and we found my perfect band it features a squared off profile (which I like much better) AND it was only $550.  I LOVE how they look together and I can't wait to wear them everyday....  23 days and counting :-)

tammym1001

I personally wouldn't change out my wedding band, but I got exactly what I wanted the first time. I know plenty of people who upgrade their rings or change them out. I don't think it's as big of a deal as your FMIL is making it out to be. I say get what you can afford now. You may even decide down the line that you actually like your simpler band or you can find a way to incorporate it into your new ring.

JennyColada

I think that there's something really romantic about getting a plain band now, and then re-melting the metal to create a new (more expensive!) band with more sparkle in the future. It almost symbolizes the growth of your marriage, I love it.

Maggie0829

If you and your FI are okay with you changing out your ring down the road when you have more money then ignore your FMIL. Why is she even giving her opinion on this? It is none of her business. Also, it is horrible that she is telling you that you should go into debt just to get a freaking ring. What poor judgement on her part.

lkristenj

I'm hugely sentimental and I know it, so FI and I made sure to buy bands that we really wanted the first time. I'm semi regretting it now, since that money would be really nice to have for the house right now, but I think we'll be fine. Also, if we had to get cheaper rings due to finances, I don't think I COULD change even if I wanted to. I'm just that sentimental. So, I'm glad I ordered the rings super early (they came in March) and will definitely have them for our wedding and forever. Plus, they're nice to look at from time to time.

Gizmo813

Maggie0829 said:

Why is she even giving her opinion on this? It is none of her business. 

Because she's really opinionated, and if she believes a certain way about something, she makes sure she tells you. Over. and Over. and Over. I actually had to walk away a few months ago when she had a fit over the fact we're using silk flowers for the bridal party so we don't spend money we don't have on flowers that will be dead in a week! I heard things from her AND her daughter (who is a BM) like "It's tacky" and "Well, it's not what I would do!" (then it's a good thing it's my wedding and not yours!) and "That won't look nice." and "It doesn't matter if nobody else knows, we will know." And we can't forget about "It's the cheap way out." and "People just don't DO that here (in NJ)". ARGH!

Also, it is horrible that she is telling you that you should go into debt just to get a freaking ring. What poor judgement on her part.

But see, that's what they do. They see what they want, buy it, and figure out how to pay for it later. "Budget" is not a word that is understood in that family. "God will provide." FSIL spent over $50k on her wedding because she didn't have a budget, and it just added up. Luckily, FI has come a LONG way away from that attitude (otherwise, we wouldn't be getting married!) 

Maggie0829

@Gizmo813 - your FMIL sounds....special.  Happy to hear that your FI has evolved from his families way of thinking.  As long as the two of you agree then that is really all that matters.

Also I had another thought.  You could get a plain, simple band now and then when you upgrade you could put the newer band on the other side of your e-ring.  So that way you will still be wearing the band you got married with but then you will also have the band that you always wanted!

bekahjo1119

My FI and I had a discussion about this last night.  He thought that I would be upset by the conversation.  We both work full time, but money is still tight.  He suggested the going with something plain now and upgrading when we are more financially stable.  I have no problem with that.  My mother and father have been married for 35 years and my mother has changed her wedding band.  She had something fancy fused to her e-ring.  My father bought it for her several years ago for her birthday and it is beautiful.  It does not say ANYTHING about their relationship.  My father has gotten a couple of wedding bands.  He's gained a great deal of weight since he and my mother got together and she honestly sometimes wears his original band on her thumb.  It is symbolic, but that's all.  It has no bearing on your actual relationship.  You have to do what is best for you and your FI. 

Also, I feel you on pushy FMILs. 

tammym1001

Gizmo813 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Why is she even giving her opinion on this? It is none of her business. 

Because she's really opinionated, and if she believes a certain way about something, she makes sure she tells you. Over. and Over. and Over. I actually had to walk away a few months ago when she had a fit over the fact we're using silk flowers for the bridal party so we don't spend money we don't have on flowers that will be dead in a week! I heard things from her AND her daughter (who is a BM) like "It's tacky" and "Well, it's not what I would do!" (then it's a good thing it's my wedding and not yours!) and "That won't look nice." and "It doesn't matter if nobody else knows, we will know." And we can't forget about "It's the cheap way out." and "People just don't DO that here (in NJ)". ARGH!

Also, it is horrible that she is telling you that you should go into debt just to get a freaking ring. What poor judgement on her part.

But see, that's what they do. They see what they want, buy it, and figure out how to pay for it later. "Budget" is not a word that is understood in that family. "God will provide." FSIL spent over $50k on her wedding because she didn't have a budget, and it just added up. Luckily, FI has come a LONG way away from that attitude (otherwise, we wouldn't be getting married!) 

Yes because God wants to make sure that they have a 50k wedding when there are starving children in the world. Your FMIL doesn't have any sense about money so please don't listen to anything she says. 

theartistformerlyknownas

That's ridiculous. A ring is an outward symbol of your commitment. It's not some magical talisman that keeps your marriage together. Get what you can afford.

hyechica81

get what you can afford but just an fyi make sure that when it gets closer to your wedding date that you try the ring back on to make sure it still fits. 

my wedding is end of june just got fi to finally not forget the wedding band tried it on yesterday and it wont go past my knuckle we bought the set and had it resized to a 10 my e ring fits fine i went today to have my w ring resized to an 11, 10 1/2 was still a little snug and was having problems getting it off