Help Me Double Check My Wedding's Etiquette

scrunchythief

Hi, I'm getting married in a month and a half.  I've lurked quite a bit, and have begun to post a little.  I was hoping people could help me check to make sure I haven't over looked anything.  Our wedding is pretty low key, so I'm starting to worry I'm overlooking something.

Invites have already been sent out.  If I knew about a SO I included them by name.  And, in case I did overlook someone, every guest that was single had a +1, so they'd still be able to bring a SO I didn't realize they had. (FI's family is huge and he forgets a lot of things with the guest list...I've already had to correct the spellings of people's names he gave me.)

Our Mass will start at noon, and hopefully be over around 1, 1:15 pm.  Our reception hall is about 20 minutes away.  The cocktail hour "officially" starts at 2pm, but it will be open and ready to start as soon as the first guest arrives.  I haven't decided on cocktail appetizers yet.  It'll probably be something simple and abundant, like chips and dip, since I'll be putting that together myself.  The bar with juice, soda, wine, beer and liquor will open then too.  Obviously free and no tip jar (At the first wedding I went to I didn't drink anything at all after dinner because I was 14 and saw people putting tips in and thought I had to pay to get a drink).

An early dinner (or late lunch) will start at 3 pm.  It'll be a buffet, though we're putting dinner rolls and butter on the tables so people have something to munch on while they're waiting to go to the line.  The buffet will be Italian food, with 5 choices of pasta dishes, 4 choices of chicken dishes and mixed vegetables.  

Then after that we'll have the spotlight dances (maybe while people are still eating, if we finish up first?) and then open up the dance floor.  I really don't know when to serve the cake-any suggestions?  The whole thing will be over by 7pm (possibly 8, if my mom decides she really wants an extra hour).  

So does that look good, or is my sense that I'm forgetting something right?  Thanks!

HisGirlFriday13

Looks good to me! If you're doing a receiving line at the church, that will eat up some of that time between the end of Mass and the beginning of the cocktail hour.

We did the cake, then did our spotlight dances, but I really think you can do it anywhere you want to. 

Are you having speeches/toasts/a blessing? If so, where do those fit into your plan?

Maggie0829

Everything looks good to be too.

As for the cake you can cut it whenever you want.  I would cut it earlier in the night just so that those guests who have other evening plans or need to get home to their sitter or just want to head home early can still eat some cake.

scrunchythief

Hm, I think we hadn't planned on a receiving line and were planning on doing table visits instead, since our guest list is 200 people.  I figured a line would take forever.  

Having the cake cutting before the dances sounds like a good idea, so people can just go get cake whenever they feel like it.

I think we were planning on having grace said before the meal, so probably that would go right before the buffet opens.  As for toasts, I've mostly seen them during the meal, so maybe that would be the better thing to have while dinner is winding down.  Then we can cut the cake, have the dances and then get the dance floor going.  

Maggie0829

I think that a receiving line will actually be shorter then table visits.  A receiving lines forces people along while table visits you get stuck in small talk.  And if you do the receiving line make sure it is just you and your SO and whoever may be hosting your wedding (if it isn't you and your SO), because no one really cares to shake hands with the wedding party members that they don't really know.

For the toasts I would wait until you are about halfway through dinner.

scrunchythief

Maggie0829 said:

I think that a receiving line will actually be shorter then table visits.  A receiving lines forces people along while table visits you get stuck in small talk.  And if you do the receiving line make sure it is just you and your SO and whoever may be hosting your wedding (if it isn't you and your SO), because no one really cares to shake hands with the wedding party members that they don't really know.

For the toasts I would wait until you are about halfway through dinner.

People won't mind waiting so long through a line?  I did figure visiting tables would take longer for us, but that it wouldn't make our guests wait around too much.

AddieCake

I like it. And I just can't BELIEVE you are managing a Catholic wedding with no gap. That is simply UNAVOIDABLE, dontchaknow?! Are you magical?! Can I rub you for luck?!

phira

I highly recommend doing toasts/speeches during the meal. Like, if you're having a first course (soup or salad or something) have the toasts after everyone's been served their meal. Have the first person to give a toast start by letting guests know they can keep eating.

Spotlight dances and cake cutting can be done whenever-ish. Technically, first dance should be after dinner at the beginning of dancing (to open the dance floor), but ... I haven't seen that done since I was a kid. A lot of people do spotlight dances right after they're introduced.

Cake cutting is good to do near the end of dinner--gives guests something to pay attention to if they're starting to get bored waiting for dancing to officially (or unofficially) start, and you don't have to interrupt dancing for it.

Sounds like you're pretty much set!

SewInLoveWithDMB

Everything you have planned looks good!

Our breakdown of the reception included:

- cocktail hour ready as guests arrived (like yours)

- spotlight dances right after cocktail hour (we were "announced", did our first dance, then bride/FOB, groom/MOG)

- I think then the toasts happened and grace (I'm a bit fuzzy on exact order)

- Food served

- Cake and desserts

But, we had a sit down dinner with a few courses, so the timing could be a bit different. 

Honestly, to me, cutting the cake before everything else doesn't make sense. I would, however, be aware enough to do it right after dinner is served (and a decent amount of time is given for guests to eat). I wouldn't do it an hour after dinner is finished (cause guests might have to leave early), but I wouldn't do it before the food is served. This could totally be a regional thing (I know that is a bad excuse, but I have never seen a cake cut before food is served at any event.)  Don't drag it out, but don't do it too early. 

Also, I see an event as "ending" when the cake is cut. I don't fully agree with that (again, my suggestion was to cut the cake after dinner, but rather soon after dinner rather than making people wait.) If cake was cut early on, I would probably leave the event early as well, thinking that the hosts are quick to serve the cake and get everyone out. 

I have been to some casual, family birthday parties (held at a house during a weekend afternoon) where I basically feel as if I am held there (against my will!) because they don't serve cake until all guests have been there for HOURS. As soon as that bad boy comes out and is cut, I'm out the door. (And if I try to leave before that, I'm met with "but you can't leave before the cake!" Watch me.)

But, your timing, food service, and details (like bread on the table for people while waiting for dinner) looks good!

Best wishes and happy planning for the last month and a half!

scrunchythief

AddieCake said:

I like it. And I just can't BELIEVE you are managing a Catholic wedding with no gap. That is simply UNAVOIDABLE, dontchaknow?! Are you magical?! Can I rub you for luck?!

I guess we must be:)  Maybe it's because our reception is at a Knights of Columbus hall.  Does a doubly Catholic wedding cancel out the need for a gap?

scrunchythief

SewInLoveWithDMB said:

Honestly, to me, cutting the cake before everything else doesn't make sense. I would, however, be aware enough to do it right after dinner is served (and a decent amount of time is given for guests to eat). I wouldn't do it an hour after dinner is finished (cause guests might have to leave early), but I wouldn't do it before the food is served. This could totally be a regional thing (I know that is a bad excuse, but I have never seen a cake cut before food is served at any event.)  Don't drag it out, but don't do it too early. 

Also, I see an event as "ending" when the cake is cut. I don't fully agree with that (again, my suggestion was to cut the cake after dinner, but rather soon after dinner rather than making people wait.) If cake was cut early on, I would probably leave the event early as well, thinking that the hosts are quick to serve the cake and get everyone out. 

I have been to some casual, family birthday parties (held at a house during a weekend afternoon) where I basically feel as if I am held there (against my will!) because they don't serve cake until all guests have been there for HOURS. As soon as that bad boy comes out and is cut, I'm out the door. (And if I try to leave before that, I'm met with "but you can't leave before the cake!" Watch me.)

But, your timing, food service, and details (like bread on the table for people while waiting for dinner) looks good!

Best wishes and happy planning for the last month and a half!

I think that cake being cut right after dinner has been done enough times in my circle that people won't necessarily think the whole thing's over then. If they'd like to leave then, that's fine of course, and I'll be glad they were able to get cake:)

HisGirlFriday13

scrunchythief said:

Maggie0829 said:

I think that a receiving line will actually be shorter then table visits.  A receiving lines forces people along while table visits you get stuck in small talk.  And if you do the receiving line make sure it is just you and your SO and whoever may be hosting your wedding (if it isn't you and your SO), because no one really cares to shake hands with the wedding party members that they don't really know.

For the toasts I would wait until you are about halfway through dinner.

People won't mind waiting so long through a line?  I did figure visiting tables would take longer for us, but that it wouldn't make our guests wait around too much.

No, I don't think so. People are really used to receiving lines, and as Maggie said, having one moves things along quickly. It's very much, 'Hi, good to see you, thanks for coming, bye!'

wrigleyville

Receiving lines don't take long when it's just you and your H. It's the lines that have the entire WP, both sets of parents, grandparents, and siblings that take for-ev-er. When it's just the B&G, it flies.

Doing table visits takes a long time because, as others said, you get caught up in small talk. Plus, everyone wants to take pictures with you. So really, a receiving line is the way to go. If people want pictures with you at the reception, they'll seek you out. (It's pretty easy to spot the fancy white dress.)

lyndausvi

Looks like someone did their research.  Way to go.

We did receiving line after the ceremony (which happen to be the line to the bar, so everyone would have been there anyway).    We did First dance after the introductions.   Cake cutting about 45-60 after dinner (can't really remember, but the dance floor was packed before we did that).   Other spotlight dances while people were eating their cake.

ashleyep

Like others have said, I would cut the cake right after dinner. Maybe give people 30 minutes or so to eat?

People can grab a slice while the dancing is going on then.

OwningAHome1981

scrunchythief said:

Maggie0829 said:

I think that a receiving line will actually be shorter then table visits.  A receiving lines forces people along while table visits you get stuck in small talk.  And if you do the receiving line make sure it is just you and your SO and whoever may be hosting your wedding (if it isn't you and your SO), because no one really cares to shake hands with the wedding party members that they don't really know.

For the toasts I would wait until you are about halfway through dinner.

People won't mind waiting so long through a line?  I did figure visiting tables would take longer for us, but that it wouldn't make our guests wait around too much.

Ya I'm not waiting on a line, sorry

HisGirlFriday13

OwningAHome1981 said:

scrunchythief said:

Maggie0829 said:

I think that a receiving line will actually be shorter then table visits.  A receiving lines forces people along while table visits you get stuck in small talk.  And if you do the receiving line make sure it is just you and your SO and whoever may be hosting your wedding (if it isn't you and your SO), because no one really cares to shake hands with the wedding party members that they don't really know.

For the toasts I would wait until you are about halfway through dinner.

People won't mind waiting so long through a line?  I did figure visiting tables would take longer for us, but that it wouldn't make our guests wait around too much.

Ya I'm not waiting on a line, sorry


Really? You won't take the time to thank the hosts for inviting you?

OwningAHome1981

HisGirlFriday13 said:

scrunchythief said:

Maggie0829 said:

I think that a receiving line will actually be shorter then table visits.  A receiving lines forces people along while table visits you get stuck in small talk.  And if you do the receiving line make sure it is just you and your SO and whoever may be hosting your wedding (if it isn't you and your SO), because no one really cares to shake hands with the wedding party members that they don't really know.

For the toasts I would wait until you are about halfway through dinner.

People won't mind waiting so long through a line?  I did figure visiting tables would take longer for us, but that it wouldn't make our guests wait around too much.

Ya I'm not waiting on a line, sorry

Really? You won't take the time to thank the hosts for inviting you?

They can visit me at my table but I don't have the patience to stand on line like that and I get clastraphobic. I'd just skip it and make it a point to chat with the bride & groom later on in the night.

Also, as a guest I don't need to be thanked by the B&G for going to their wedding. If anything, I should be thanking them for thinking enough of me to invite me.