Wedding Party

What to do with nieces and nephews

I have 13 nieces and nephews, all of which I'm very close to.  My fiance has none.  My mother would like us to include all of them in some way.  She thinks that would be our way of making our wedding 'unique.'  How can I do this without it looking tacky?  My fiance doesn't like the idea by my parents are paying for most of the wedding so I feel I should give in.

 

My oldest nieces are 14 and they will be bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids (undecided yet) and my two youngest nieces and nephew will be flower girls and ring bearer.  That I had already planned on.  Now my mother wants me to also have miniture brides and grooms and have them read and light candles. 

 

I don't trust them lighting candles and reading.  I suggested handing out programs of course, but in my mothers eyes that doesn't "involve" them in the wedding.

 

Any suggestions?

Answers

  • Your parents' paying for it does not mean they get to pick the WP. That's your and your FI's decision.

    If he doesn't like them paying for it, then you and he can pay for it yourselves.

    Addie is right that there is way to include 13 kids without looking like you're one of the Duggar girls getting married.

    Take a photo with all of them and have done with it.

    I have 13 nieces and nephews, all of which I'm very close to.  My fiance has none.  My mother would like us to include all of them in some way.  She thinks that would be our way of making our wedding 'unique.'  How can I do this without it looking tacky?  My fiance doesn't like the idea by my parents are paying for most of the wedding so I feel I should give in.

     

    My oldest nieces are 14 and they will be bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids (undecided yet) and my two youngest nieces and nephew will be flower girls and ring bearer.  That I had already planned on.  Now my mother wants me to also have miniture brides and grooms and have them read and light candles. 

     

    I don't trust them lighting candles and reading.  I suggested handing out programs of course, but in my mothers eyes that doesn't "involve" them in the wedding.

     

    Any suggestions?

    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I suggest telling your mother no.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    HisGirlFriday13Blue_Birdzitiqueen

  • Any suggestions?

    Definitely have a parade.
    AddieCakeHisGirlFriday13Blue_Bird
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Tell your mother no.  Your wedding is not a school field trip for little kids.  There is no way to "include" all of them in the wedding, nor are they entitled to expect to be in the wedding.  It is not being held for their benefit, and an important life lesson for kids (and your mother) is that they are not entitled to be "included" in everyone else's occasion.  Don't give in on this because your parents are paying-they do not get to choose the WP just because they are contributing financially.

    And "miniature brides and grooms" are creepy, and kids that age should not be carrying lit candles for safety reasons.
    [Deleted User]
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tell your mother no.  Paying gets her a voice on the guest list and meal choice, but it doesn't allow her to select your wedding party.  If she wants to hold money over your head, decline the money and pay for it yourself.  It's not good to start off married life cowing to your parents, and it sounds like it's already causing issues with your FI.

    Also, junior brides and grooms are gross.  It's like a pedophile's game.  
    zitiqueen
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Between DH and I we have 11 nieces and nephews.  We had the 2 youngest girls as flower girls and the youngest boy as a ring bearer.  The two middle girls were bridesmaids.  The oldest girl was a guest but I did include her in the rehearsal dinner).  The other 5 boys did not attend because of school activities but if they had they would have been guests.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Don't turn your wedding ceremony into a circus.  Tell your mother "No!"

    My daughter had a special kids dance at her reception.  Her nieces and nephews were younger, so they did the Hokey-Pokey.  For older kids, YMCA works well.  Have your DJ announce that it's time for the kids to dance with the bride, then let them go!  Great photo op!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think it's ridiculous that your mom is pushing this on you.   Paying doesn't mean they also decide the WP.

    That said DH and I WANTED to included my 7 nieces and nephews (he didn't have any).   Even though my parents paid for most of the wedding it was 100% our choice.  I'm not even sure they "liked" the idea.

    We had all the girls (6-13 years old) BMs and the 2 boys (both 9) as GMs.   I hate junior titles.  Just me though.    The 6 year had 10 year old sister.  The sister is a little sensitive when it comes to her sister.  She feels like the 6 year old is the favorite, blah, blah.  So I made sure all had the same title so the 10 year old didn't think her younger sister was more special by having a flower girl title. Silly?   Sure, but keeping them all the same title was less drama. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Mini brides and grooms is totally creepy.

    My 10yo niece asked if she was going to be in the wedding. I had to tell her "no, but it's just as big of an honor to have you there as a guest and I can't wait to see you!" She got over it in about 4 seconds.

    image
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    larrygaga
  • Tell your mother no.  Paying gets her a voice on the guest list and meal choice, but it doesn't allow her to select your wedding party.  If she wants to hold money over your head, decline the money and pay for it yourself.  It's not good to start off married life cowing to your parents, and it sounds like it's already causing issues with your FI.


    Also, junior brides and grooms are gross.  It's like a pedophile's game.  
    Whoa whoa whoa. I am certainly not for junior brides and grooms but sexualizing them and comparing it to pedophilia is disgusting. Joking about such matters is the trashiest thing I have seen on the knot.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell your mother no.  Paying gets her a voice on the guest list and meal choice, but it doesn't allow her to select your wedding party.  If she wants to hold money over your head, decline the money and pay for it yourself.  It's not good to start off married life cowing to your parents, and it sounds like it's already causing issues with your FI.

    Also, junior brides and grooms are gross.  It's like a pedophile's game.  
    Whoa whoa whoa. I am certainly not for junior brides and grooms but sexualizing them and comparing it to pedophilia is disgusting. Joking about such matters is the trashiest thing I have seen on the knot.
    I don't think @MyNameIsNot is joking. Unfortunately, dressing up kids as miniature adults can compromise their safety. That's not a joke by any means whatsoever, and it's part of why it's not advised.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tell your mother no.  Paying gets her a voice on the guest list and meal choice, but it doesn't allow her to select your wedding party.  If she wants to hold money over your head, decline the money and pay for it yourself.  It's not good to start off married life cowing to your parents, and it sounds like it's already causing issues with your FI.

    Also, junior brides and grooms are gross.  It's like a pedophile's game.  
    Whoa whoa whoa. I am certainly not for junior brides and grooms but sexualizing them and comparing it to pedophilia is disgusting. Joking about such matters is the trashiest thing I have seen on the knot.
    It's not a joke.  It happens, and it's the reason junior brides are so freaking disgusting.  

    But trying to call me trashy is certainly classy.  
  • Hey, so to threadjack, if I ask three of our seven nieces and nephews to stand up in our wedding, I get them gifts, right?  Do I get gifts for their siblings too? 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    adk19 said:
    Hey, so to threadjack, if I ask three of our seven nieces and nephews to stand up in our wedding, I get them gifts, right?   Yes.    Do I get gifts for their siblings too?  No.

  • How do you handle a parade or what do you have them do or when?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I fail to see how including 13 nieces and nephews will make your wedding unique in any way.

    atlastmrsg
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, get them gifts. No, don't get their siblings gifts. Why would you? If they are not in the wedding party, why would they get a gift?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    How do you handle a parade or what do you have them do or when?
    Oh, goodness.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    How do you handle a parade or what do you have them do or when?
    Oh, goodness.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    How do you handle a parade or what do you have them do or when?

    The answer to the bolded is: nothing.  You don't "handle a parade."  If these kids are invited at all, you treat them as guests and not try to shoehorn every single last one into your wedding party.  It's not a school play where everyone in the class has to get a part.
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Mini brides and grooms is totally creepy. My 10yo niece asked if she was going to be in the wedding. I had to tell her "no, but it's just as big of an honor to have you there as a guest and I can't wait to see you!" She got over it in about 4 seconds.
    My 10yo niece straight up asked me too, and I didn't have it in me to say no. She's a flower girl now. lol!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • I love the idea of a photo with all of them! You can have them coordinate in some way, without matching the BMs. 

    I have two 13yo cousins that I'm close to and having them be guestbook attendants. My grandmother was NOT happy that they weren't junior BMs. Uh, no? I think that's strange. 
  • AddieCake said:
    It is ridiculous to try and "include" 13 kids in your wedding. Get some pictures with them and call it a day.
    @AddieCake = perfect.  Couldn't have said it better.
  • I think I've come to a solution...

     

    My 15 yo nieces are going to be bridesmaids and then I'll have either 1 or 2 flower girls and 1 ring bearer. 

    The rest I'm going to have wear whatever matching shirt/tie or dresses the mothers and I come up with and have them walk down the aisle in twos prior to the wedding party with signs that read...Once in a while in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.

    I think I'm excited about this solution =) 

    Thanks for everyone's input!

    Any other suggestions along these lines that anyone has?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I think I've come to a solution...

     

    My 15 yo nieces are going to be bridesmaids and then I'll have either 1 or 2 flower girls and 1 ring bearer. 

    The rest I'm going to have wear whatever matching shirt/tie or dresses the mothers and I come up with and have them walk down the aisle in twos prior to the wedding party with signs that read...Once in a while in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.

    I think I'm excited about this solution =) 

    Thanks for everyone's input!

    Any other suggestions along these lines that anyone has?

    The only suggestion I have is to skip the bolded.  As noted above, not every kid in your family needs a role, and I'm not a fan of "cutesy" signs.  They just don't come off as truly cute, funny, or meaningful to me.

  • What do the parents think about all of this? I wouldn't want to buy my kid a special outfit that they are going to outgrow just so they can carry a sign and match their cousins. Seems like more trouble than it is worth. Get them together for a picture and call it good.
    image
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