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Snarky Brides

You want to hear snarky...? Fiance and I kicked his Best Man


Re: You want to hear snarky...? Fiance and I kicked his Best Man

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    So, I agree you are allowed to ask people not to smoke anything in your house/property. And if someone chooses to ignore that, you can kick them out/call the cops if applicable.

    But if their weed smoking took place off your property at an event not hosted by you, then chill the Fuck out.

  • Kinda weird that your fi is SO against something that is clearly a big part of his best friend's life?
  • The Bachelorette Party and Bachelor started at my house but two separate weekends. We have a big home and they hired a Vegas dancer for mine and a poker dealer for his. After we left to go bar hoping. They brought and lit up at our house, on our property.
  • I get the whole debate and I'm not debating. I purely stated, we live in a no tolerant state and I'm not going to get busted for someone else's illegal activity. It's illegal here and one couple was not going to ruin it for everyone else. I gave them a choice, we explained it. They chose it over him, not vice versa.
  • Granted, I mentioned after the kids birthday party that I need a heads up if someone is going to light up, but I still think its okay to ask for a heads up. Its my personal decision if i want to stay or leave; i should be given the courtesy to decide for myself and especially my children. I wouldn't care if we were in Colorado or Washington, but here in Texas, they don't tolerate even a little. Especially the closer to the border you live. Same for our destination wedding, its illegal in Florida, don't know how strict they are or aren't, but the property management is extremely strict for the two Villas and I've paid all of it and not going to risk my wedding ruined because one couple can't leave it at home. I just don't think it's unreasonable or bitchy to want your wedding drug free; regardless of what drug it is.
  • AddieCake said:
    I agree, then, that they are the assholes for choosing pot over your friendship. If they lit up on your property after being told not to, that is disrespectful and not much of a friend. I can definitely see why you felt compelled to warn them not to do it at the wedding and chose to end the friendship when they acted like you were the ones with the problem. 

    Totally agree with AddieCake.
  • I personally think an adult party is fine to do whatever. A 5yr old birthday party to me is not the time or place. It's illegal; any way you turn it. I don't see why someone knowing the implication it could bring if other people are not aware but are going to be possibly also criminally charged for being in that house and with children there, in Texas, will get CPS involved. Why hide it? Why can't you let the other guests know your intentions and give them a choice to leave. As for my friend, she was even more upset then I was, for the same reason that it took place in her home. You don't take your illegal activities into a home that someone is not aware and put them into a position like that. It's plain stupid. Had I known, I would have chosen not to go. I merely stated that there is a time, place and a respect to other people's homes that do not want or accept it there. Every house had rules. I have had the same people say to me there kids can't have sweets, or fried foods or can't go up the stairs alone. And I respected all of their rules when their children were in my home. Had I ignored and disrespected those rules, I would have had hell on wheels to deal with. You can't make your rules for others then get offended when you have some of your own. Doesn't make me a bitch; makes me a protective mother.
  • I do agree that I would have been annoyed if I sent my five year old child to someone's house for a birthday party and found out a bunch of adults were sitting around participating in an illegal activity. Not to mention that, while unlikely, you can get high off of second hand smoke in enclosed areas such as garages, which is where they were.

    Regardless of whether or not you think pot should be legal, doing it in someone's house without their permission is wrong. I don't even like people smoking cigarettes near my house because the smoke goes right through the windows. Yuck. I smoked for years and I can't stand the smell. Pot smells even worse to me. If I asked someone not to smoke anything near my children or me and they did, I would question whether or not I want them around me and my (hypothetical) kids anymore.
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm with @addiecake on this
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  • Yup, I'm with Addie.

    I agree you can't control what people do in their own homes or at other people's homes.  You can only control your own presence there.

    But I think, given the evidence, it's pretty reasonable to assume these people would have brought weed to the wedding regardless.  I would not tolerate that either.  I don't give a crap whether it's legal or not in any state.  But I wouldn't want it at my wedding.

    It sounds like you just don't want to be friends with these people anymore.  I just hope your FI is okay with that, which it sounds like he is.

  • I didn't tell them I didn't want them to be friends. I took the time because they were not only friends for so many years but also because he was "C"'s best man. And I was not being insensitive, I was explaining that my friends where venues are at and my home is inappropriate to bring their stuff. That the place in Florida where I am having the venue and the houses we are staying at, are not to for them to toke out at. We are staying with 14 other people, do not use recreational drugs. My name, my deposits, my rental money all went into these houses and I will not be held responsible, nor do I want the other guests feeling uncomfortable. That's it. And I ended it by saying, we would love to have them their and be a huge part of our special day, but that they would need to decide what was more important to them. Being there for "C" or not. They chose not and as I said, texted "C" and told him he needed to learn how to "Control his woman and they weren't going". And I wrote the letter after both C and I both tried to talk to them and they ignored us or disrespected us in our home at our parties. Normally, I would not have tried that hard for anyone that I just met. Thanks for the many replies. I was a little confused by everyone's responses to me last night, but I obviously should have been a bit more detailed. So that's on me.
  •  I see where you're coming from. You asked them to be respectful and to please not smoke their drug of choice at your wedding or wedding related events and they chose to do the opposite. And, I don't see anywhere where you asked your FI to replace his BM; sounds to me like it was HIS choice and good for him. Too many people forget that sometimes you just outgrow certain friends and it sounds to me like your FI outgrew this stoner. Kudos to you for putting your opinion out there and for standing your ground when they tried to act like it wasn't a big deal. Both my FI and I are in positions where we cannot be around anyone associated with that and sadly, we've lost friends because they couldn't understand why we wouldn't hang out with them while they chose to get high.

  • And rethinking my original post and comments about gloating; I could see how it came off like that. I wasn't gloating at the fact that he lost his BF, it was that he doesn't have kids on his own, yet he sees my three children as his and absolutely loves them. He is extremely protective of my girls and he got a nasty text and looked at me and said "Guess I have to find a new Best Man." Hugged and kissed me. Which in my eyes was huge under the horrible circumstance. Not hesitating, flinching or finding an excuse for his friends behavior. It spoke a thousand words. It takes a wonderful human to sometimes do the hardest things. And for his other BF from High School, who he has known for 25 years, to step in like that without feeling like second choice was just as huge. It did tick me off that they would choose that over him, so yeah, I do have the feeling of good riddance because he didn't deserve that.
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, I honestly think that the problem here is that these people have demonstrated that they'll smoke pot in locations/at times when someone else's ass is on the line.

    My partner made the decision to not invite one of his friends from high school because that friend deliberately does things he's asked not to do. For example, my partner invited him over but said, "I know you like that new sword you got, but please do not bring it to my house." The friend showed up with it, deliberately, because he was asked not to. So my partner will not invite that friend to anything anymore (when he sees his friend, it's when other people invite the friend).
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  • AddieCake said:

    phira said:

    Yeah, I honestly think that the problem here is that these people have demonstrated that they'll smoke pot in locations/at times when someone else's ass is on the line.

    My partner made the decision to not invite one of his friends from high school because that friend deliberately does things he's asked not to do. For example, my partner invited him over but said, "I know you like that new sword you got, but please do not bring it to my house." The friend showed up with it, deliberately, because he was asked not to. So my partner will not invite that friend to anything anymore (when he sees his friend, it's when other people invite the friend).

    What kind of a douche shows up somewhere with a sword? 


    OP, I apologise if I mis-read your post and thought you kicked them out for smoking pot at someone else's house. Your house, your rules, and absolutely fair.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    AlexisA01 said:

    out 4 weeks before the wedding. Yup. Best Man's wife had some serious issues with me, because I was against her and him smoking weed around me and my fiancé and did not want them taking it to my wedding. Nor did I want them to take it to fiancé's Bachelor Party, which they didn't listen and caused some issues at our other friends house. His wife ruined a good chunk of my party so I finally had it. Wrote her a letter to either be respectful to my rules or find another destination. Fiance got a text message from the Best Man that he had warned Fiance to control his woman (me).Poor honey looked at me and said, guess I need to find a new Best Man and gave me kisses (so sad how something like that ruins a 15 year friendship). Such a sweet man. We have ZERO tolerance for drugs; even if some states legalize it; I'm not legalizing it in my house. Period. But this whole wedding has definitely made us realize who really is family and friend. So glad we decided to escape and do the wedding in Florida. Still wishing my children were with us, but I also desperately need alone time and a real honeymoon with my sweet man.

    Are you kidding me? To the bold...like the other PPs you sound very judgmental and caused and created an end to the friendship due to enforcing your rules at an event that isn't yours.
    Um how is asking people not to smoke pot in her house any different than asking people not to smoke tobacco products in her home?  I personally agree with her.  Even if I end up living in a state where marijuana is legal it will not be allowed in my home.  
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  • I get what you're saying. People seem to be a bit blinded by the whole weed thing since apparently getting it legalized is wicked important right now *eye roll*. Based on my experience with people who smoke weed all the time (IE my best friend), they get wicked defensive about it when approached about it.  It's really not worth battling with people who are high all the time. They will usually get defensive and make you into some kind of a "judgemental a-hole". Take all of this with a grain of salt.
    Can you use wicked as an adverb a few more times for me?
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Dear Washington State:
    Thank you for the common sense demonstrated by your voters.
    I love you, and will never leave you.

    a girl who cant stand pot! 
  • Regardless of who finally understood what I was saying. I found the aggressiveness, name calling and otherwise vulgar language towards me pretty crappy and out of control.
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Yeah OP I've been following along, and the reactions were justified. Between this and the ring post, your attitude comes across pretty crappy and self-centered. Maybe you need to reevaluate your communication style a bit if it doesn't reflect reality. The fine ladies (and gents) here are excellent bullshit detectors and not afraid to call anyone on it.

  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    So let me get this straight...

    You post... in a section... called "Snarky Brides"....

    And get all butthurt when people are... wait for it.....


    Go figure.
  • Not butt hurt, just didn't think being called a bitch and to F off was not really a definition of snarky. Snarky has always been in my book sarcasm and borderline rude, yes, but felt some of that was taken over the top. Different times though. I guess. Think the old ladies section is probably where I belong. Thanks everyone for everyone's opinions. It was really interesting to hear a lot of points and I hope this country will one day unite again.
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