His "visions" ... like actual visions.

BlackLace2015

This may sound really strange but my fiancé has told me that now and then he has "visions" of things that he sees happening in the future. I'm not sure if he's just daydreaming or actually thinks he's seeing the future but he seems to be seeing things in a lot of detail. He has repeatedly told me that he "sees" me in my wedding dress. My FSIL showed him a picture of a tea-length dress and he said that's not how he pictures me. Well how does he picture me, then? I am afraid to ask because I don't want him dictating the details of my dress before I go shopping but I am afraid to let him down. This is just the most bizarre thing I don't really know how to handle it.

HisGirlFriday13

BlackLace2015 said:

This may sound really strange but my fiancé has told me that now and then he has "visions" of things that he sees happening in the future. I'm not sure if he's just daydreaming or actually thinks he's seeing the future but he seems to be seeing things in a lot of detail. He has repeatedly told me that he "sees" me in my wedding dress. My FSIL showed him a picture of a tea-length dress and he said that's not how he pictures me. Well how does he picture me, then? I am afraid to ask because I don't want him dictating the details of my dress before I go shopping but I am afraid to let him down. This is just the most bizarre thing I don't really know how to handle it.

I think you have to ask him what HE thinks these are. DH had a vision (or several) for our wedding, but he was very clearly daydreaming/planning (i.e., a fall wedding, me without a veil over my face, etc.) not having delusions that he was predicting the future.

Communicate.

BlackLace2015

I'm just afraid the more I know the more I will feel obligated to get whatever he is picturing.

beethery

Explain to your FI that you appreciate his ideas and would love to incorporate some of them. Also, he is not your boss/seamstress/dress designer, so he doesn't get to decide what your dress looks like. That is up to you.

Also, the first time I read this I pictured some weird Miss Cleo kind of woowoo shit and I got very confused.

BlackLace2015

lol. I think he actually does believe its a miss cleo kind of thing! He hasn't pushed any of this on me, it just came up that one time when his sister showed him a dress.

beethery

He might be having some kind of stress/anxiety-related experience because of the wedding planning. If he really thinks he's getting like... visions from the future about the wedding, he might need to seek help from a professional therapist.

Wedding planning can be a daunting experience, but if he's at the point where he's getting 'visions' and thinks he's seeing the future, you got a bigger problem on your hands.

Miss Cleo OUT.

theartistformerlyknownas

I'm sure everyone has a picture in their mind of what they imagine their bride looking like. That doesn't mean your FI will be disappointed if you don't look like that, and you won't ruin the world with some butterfly effect shit. He'll be thrilled to see you walking down the aisle in whatever you choose. If he isn't, or insists you fulfill his prediction...yeah, bigger problems.

AddieCake

I wouldn't read much into this. Just b/c he is "picturing" you doesn't mean he won't like what you have chosen. 

HisGirlFriday13

beethery said:

He might be having some kind of stress/anxiety-related experience because of the wedding planning. If he really thinks he's getting like... visions from the future about the wedding, he might need to seek help from a professional therapist.

Wedding planning can be a daunting experience, but if he's at the point where he's getting 'visions' and thinks he's seeing the future, you got a bigger problem on your hands.

Miss Cleo OUT.

So much this.

BlackLace2015

nope he just gets like that sometimes it's always about positive things. Last time he told me he pictured me in a certain color scarf or jacket or something in the winter and I was smiling, blahblahblah and then during the winter one day he was randomly like "see? this is what I was telling you about!".

I don't  usually have a problem with it at all, even if it's just an overactive imagination.

BlackLace2015

He doesn't make a big deal it just amuses him, as it usually does me. No need to call the looney police!

HisGirlFriday13

BlackLace2015 said:

nope he just gets like that sometimes it's always about positive things. Last time he told me he pictured me in a certain color scarf or jacket or something in the winter and I was smiling, blahblahblah and then during the winter one day he was randomly like "see? this is what I was telling you about!".

I don't  usually have a problem with it at all, even if it's just an overactive imagination.

OK, then if it's not new and you don't have a problem with it, why the post that suddenly it's weirding you out?

BlackLace2015

I guess it boils down to the typical "I'm afraid he won't like my dress" post but just happened to have a different twist. I wasn't sure if someone else might have experience with anything like that. Some people do claim to be clairvoyant you know. 

phira

Then you need to go back to @HisGirlFriday13's advice she gave you almost immediately: communicate.

"Fiance, let's sit down and talk about my wedding dress. I want you to think I look beautiful, and I want you to feel absolutely zero disappointment about my dress. But I need to feel beautiful and comfortable; the dress has to be what I always imagined, too. Let's talk about what our ideal dress for me would be and try to find some middle ground."

Because whether or not he thinks he's having visions is entirely irrelevant. The issue is that you have an idea of what you want to wear, and he has a different idea. He can have input and opinions without dictating what your dress must look like.

Honestly, it sounds like his whole, "I have a vision about what your dress looks like" is a cop-out. He wants to tell you his opinion of what your dress should look like, but he doesn't want to just come out and say, "I have opinions about what you should wear."

MyNameIsNot

BlackLace2015 said:

I guess it boils down to the typical "I'm afraid he won't like my dress" post but just happened to have a different twist. I wasn't sure if someone else might have experience with anything like that. Some people do claim to be clairvoyant you know. 

Yes, they do.  People claim to be god also.  It doesn't make it true.  

HisGirlFriday13

BlackLace2015 said:

I guess it boils down to the typical "I'm afraid he won't like my dress" post but just happened to have a different twist. I wasn't sure if someone else might have experience with anything like that. Some people do claim to be clairvoyant you know. 

I am aware people claim to be clairvoyant. What I fail to understand is why, if this is how he is normally, you're bothered by it with regards to your wedding dress.

sarahonlife

Just ask him. It doesn't mean you have to buy what he "sees" but it sure helped me to narrow down a style know what my fiance thought a wedding dress should look like.

LadyMillil

My DH wanted me to get a dress that accented my bum (mermaid or trumpet) and that wasn't too plain and boring. I wanted an A line or ballgown with a beaded waist. I got a ballgown that was simple and looked beautiful on me. DH was not disappointed on our wedding day. He thought I looked beautiful and he loved my dress. Talk to him, go shopping with him if that's okay with each of you, show him pictures of what you like.

JaxInBlue

DH and I looked at some dress pictures before I went shopping.  I'd thought I was going to get cap sleeves, lace, more fitted - until I tried the first dresses on and realized the style I liked didn't like me.  Since DH had only seen me looking at those types of dresses, I'm pretty sure that's what was in his head.  I wound up in something not lace, without sleeves, and less fit but in a fabric (it was a soft charmeuse) that reminded me of DH.  He didn't expect my dress, but it didn't disappoint him.

Also, DH has strong moments of deja vu.  I tend to think of them less as indicators of rightness or wrongness, but that examples of his confidence that things are going well and he's in a good place.

Inkdancer

I've had dreams about my wedding that I was sure were going to happen. Did they? I dunno yet. But you can't let them dictate your choices. Do what makes you happy, talk to your FI about the things he wants, and the day will go beautifully whether it matches his ideas or not.