Famous last words, "it could be worse etiquette if..."

mellowmarshmallow

Incidentally, I never knew that the plural of "faux pas" was spelled the same but pronounced differently. The more you know... Rainbow.

We had a family wedding on Saturday in outstate MO with spotty cell service so I couldn't post as it was happening. The wedding was beautiful and we are very happy for the couple. The reception was also well hosted. On the drive to the ceremony, however, we were discussing the fact that there was a 55 minute drive between the ceremony and reception sites. I told DH how that is considered excessive and inconsiderate. He asked how this event could be any more rude and I said, "Well if they had the ceremony at 3, but didn't start the reception until 6 so we had to kill time during a gap." Famous last words, right?

I thought we were in the clear because the invitation insert stated the there would be a reception immediately following the ceremony (obviously allowing for the inordinate amount of drive time). I guess the etiquette gods heard my insolence. We arrive at the ceremony, get our programs, and take our seats. I look at the program and, you guessed it, it said "Reception to follow at 6pm." Face palm. Smoted by the etiquette gods.

After a 20 minute ceremony (which was beautiful), an hour of pictures with extended family including aunts, uncles, and cousins who weren't in the wedding party, we set off to the reception. We ended up standing in the lobby outside the ballroom for 45+ minutes with no food or drinks. There were only two small couches for 175+ guests to wait out the gap. You can bet that people were complaining, even though no one said it to the couple! At least DH learned why I was so insistent that our bar open as soon as the first guest arrived at the reception venue from the church which was 10 minutes away.

Still, the biggest outrage of the evening was that they RAN OUT OF CAKE before everyone was served. At least I got cake, so it could have been worse.

So, my question to E is which is worse- a gap you know about in advance or the bait and switch gap we got? Or running out of cake?

HisGirlFriday13

Obviously running out of cake.

Followed by a bait-and-switch gap.

But RUNNING OUT OF CAKE?!?

theartistformerlyknownas

The bait and switch is totally worse. At least if you knew ahead of time, some people may have chosen to attend only the reception (two wrongs, sure, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do). 

Running out of cake... can't always really be controlled, if people take doubles or the venue cuts them larger than they were supposed to. I could see that being outside the couple's control.

lilacck28

Running out of cake is horrible. I refuse to think of a world where I will attend a wedding without getting my piece of cake. But, if horrors of horrors occurred,  I don't think I'd get annoyed at the couple over this. I'd just be sad not to have cake, and I'd probably be annoyed at the venue. I would assume some pieces were cut too large. 

I think gaps are more than a bit rude, and very annoying, but I would prefer to know about it ahead of time. At least then I know to either scope out the area and try to figure out where to get snacks, that I should bring a snack, or to eat a very large meal ahead of time. And that maybe I should bring a book. The bait and switch is a dangerous ploy that could very well result in fainting as well as the more traditional gap induced boredom and crankiness. 

AddieCake

Cake. Always cake.

Honestly, a bait and switch gap would be worse.

phira

Caaaaaaaaaaaaake >:(

Simply Fated

Cake!

And bait and switch.
I would like to know ahead of time so I could have planned accordingly. Gotta google the nearest Barnes and Nobles and plot out the best route there so I can go and kill time surrounded by books and coffee.

mlg78

Certainly a bait and switch gap.  Gaps suck but at least I plan something to do in between whether it's shopping, pregaming a reception at a bar, going to the hotel and napping, whatever...but an impromptu gap would freaking suck.

Jen4948

The bait and switch gap is really rude. But the cake thing...takes the cake. Pun fully intended.

JaxInBlue

Was it a good flavor?  Something interesting or different?  My thinking is - as much as I love cake, I'm okay missing out on something fairly ordinary, but would be sad if I missed an opportunity to try something new.  And I'd totally blame the venue for no cake; if the B&G only ordered enough cake to feed their guests, with little or no overage, and the venue didn't follow the traditional wedding cake cut, that's outside of the B&G's control. 

As for the gap, yikes!  Apparently "immediately to follow" meant "as soon as we are done with pictures."

phira

For real, the bait and switch was worse. But CAKE.

mysticl

The cake thing depends.  If they couple didn't order enough for everyone that was poor etiquette on their part.  If guests got greedy and took seconds before everyone was served or the person doing the cutting wasn't paying attention to what they were doing the couple can't be faulted.  

The bait and switch gap sucks since people couldn't plan for it.

I also think the 55 minute drive is dependent.  In my hometown there really aren't many nice (i.e. fancy) reception venues.  Mostly fire halls and places like the VFW.  So if you want something a little more formal you have to drive.  For some people getting married in their church is very important to them so they hold the wedding there but then drive to a neighboring town (about 40 minutes) which has a much higher cost of living and fancy clubs and hotels.  

beethery

All of it is fucking garbage, I would've been bullshit. FATTY NEEDS CAKE!!!! AT A REASONABLE TIME FOLLOWING THE CEREMONY!!!!

kmmssg

While I know it is the bait and switch that is the worst, there would be some Hell to pay if I didn't get my cake. Part of the reason I married DH is that he doesn't like cake - that means more for me! When we go to weddings I make him get cake just so I can have his. Not enough cake????? That could require bail money. I'll bet cake Karma bites them in the left cheek one day. There is no way they can successfully live life and get out of paying the karma gods for this fiasco.

HisGirlFriday13

kmmssg said:

While I know it is the bait and switch that is the worst, there would be some Hell to pay if I didn't get my cake. Part of the reason I married DH is that he doesn't like cake - that means more for me! When we go to weddings I make him get cake just so I can have his. Not enough cake????? That could require bail money.

I'll bet cake Karma bites them in the left cheek one day. There is no way they can successfully live life and get out of paying the karma gods for this fiasco.

I make DH do that, too. He's all like, 'But I don't like cake!,' and I'm all like, 'I don't care, I do, go get some and give it to me.'

Unless it's crappy cake, in which case I don't even want my own piece, let alone his piece.

ETA: Yes, the bait-and-switch gap is worse, because it's absolutely within the B&G's control.

misshart00

Is there any chance their original reception venue fell through and had to scramble to find something last minute?

huskypuppy14

misshart00 said:

Is there any chance their original reception venue fell through and had to scramble to find something last minute?

This would be the only acceptable excuse. It's possible, but wouldn't the OP know that the venue was different than the one on the invitation?

huskypuppy14

Do we really have to tell people they are not allowed to put reception to follow, if it's not immediately following the ceremony? 

misshart00

huskypuppy14 said:

misshart00 said:

Is there any chance their original reception venue fell through and had to scramble to find something last minute?

This would be the only acceptable excuse. It's possible, but wouldn't the OP know that the venue was different than the one on the invitation?

Or maybe they didn't have a reception venue when thy sent invitations and planned to inform everyone at the ceremony. Fully expecting to book a venue right after the ceremony, but all were booked up?

That's all I've got. If it's anything other than that (or maybe even that with poor planning), I side eye it.

HisGirlFriday13

huskypuppy14 said:

Do we really have to tell people they are not allowed to put reception to follow, if it's not immediately following the ceremony? 

We shouldn't have to, but it now seems that we do.

huskypuppy14

Also, we are having about 120 people at our wedding and we will have cake for ~170 people. If we run out of cake, it's all on the venue.  Always order extra cake!

Peaseblossom55

Running out of cake would be the worst, the gap I could deal with.

misshart00

I would also be upset about lack of cake.

mellowmarshmallow

The cake DH and I got to split was delicious white cake with raspberry cream. If I had to guess, they did not order cake for everyone because they also had a candy bar later in the evening (an hour or so after cake which was more than 3 hours into the reception). Beware, future brides, candy =/= cake. We had a s'mores bar at our wedding, but we also ordered enough cake for 30-40 more guests than we had.

Also, venue information has been available for months on their website, so I don't think that was the issue. We probably would have gone to the ceremony and reception if we had know about the gap, but we definitely would have planned to go to a coffee shop or bar in the meantime.

I have a soft spot in my cold etiquette heart for them since they are so young (both 21) and probably haven't had a ton of experience with etiquette. Ignorance of etiquette is no excuse, I know, but I guess I blame the hosts (B's parents) more than the couple.

Hopefully the cupcake food truck stops by my office tomorrow so I can fill the wedding-cake sized hole in my heart with other treats.

misshart00

mellowmarshmallow said:

The cake DH and I got to split was delicious white cake with raspberry cream. If I had to guess, they did not order cake for everyone because they also had a candy bar later in the evening (an hour or so after cake). Beware, future brides, candy =/= cake. We had a s'mores bar at our wedding, but we also ordered enough cake for 30-40 more guests than we had.

Also, venue information has been available for months on their website, so I don't think that was the issue. We probably would have gone to the ceremony and reception if we had know about the gap, but we definitely would have planned to go to a coffee shop or bar

Then I definitely side eye the bait and switch.

theartistformerlyknownas

HisGirlFriday13 said:

kmmssg said:

While I know it is the bait and switch that is the worst, there would be some Hell to pay if I didn't get my cake. Part of the reason I married DH is that he doesn't like cake - that means more for me! When we go to weddings I make him get cake just so I can have his. Not enough cake????? That could require bail money.

I'll bet cake Karma bites them in the left cheek one day. There is no way they can successfully live life and get out of paying the karma gods for this fiasco.

I make DH do that, too. He's all like, 'But I don't like cake!,' and I'm all like, 'I don't care, I do, go get some and give it to me.'

Unless it's crappy cake, in which case I don't even want my own piece, let alone his piece.

ETA: Yes, the bait-and-switch gap is worse, because it's absolutely within the B&G's control.

FI eats the frosting, I eat the cake. We're perfect for each other. ;-)
(Unless it's cream cheese frosting, then all bets are off.)

PrincessOfHavoc

Both to me...

Ok, fine bait and switch. Mainly because any unhosted gap makes me twitchy. If it means my dinner is later than figured (apps at cocktail hour, maybe the first dance, then dinner) I get low blood sugar. While I have hard candy in my bag, that's a stop gap for me to get actual food. I get hangry with that, then I have passed out before. I'd send that bill to the couple. Now, if I know the gap - I'll get food first.

Cake however. 60 people. Cake sized for 120. I love me some cake.

jenajjthr

Gotta ask, was the reception in KC? I ask because hubby came home telling me about a wedding of a co-worker an hour away, but the reception here. I was like no way, how rude! But add to that no cake. That's just wrong.

Kauris

So I am going to call the cake people tomorrow to order more cake. We ordered just enough, but now this makes me nervous that the venue might screw up and run out. Plus, who doesn't want to eat cake for three days after the wedding!?

PrincessOfHavoc

Our cake is AMAZING and I would happily eat it daily. Nom.

I just looked again - cake is actually 150. But, for "real" serving amounts, it runs about 75 servings. I am very tempted to order more. But, part of our favors include a vanilla cupcake with raspberries and lemon curd filling with a lemon glaze (my parents wedding cake flavor) and a carrot spice cupcake with cream cheese goodness (in laws wedding cake flavor). Plus other snacks. So, maybe we won't need more.

sophhabobopha

TWO COUCHES FOR 175 PEOPLE