My wedding guest is bringing a +1 that my fiance can't stand!

pahlx036

I invited a bunch of coworkers to my wedding. The married, engaged, and those in long-term relationships all got a +1. But my single coworkers didn't (there's going to be 30 of them there, so plenty of people that they will know). One of my single coworkers RSVPed for her and a +1 even though she wasn't given one. Fast forward one month: turns out her +1 is a guy my fiance went to high school with and doesn't get along with! When I told my fiance who she was bringing, he was furious and said he's not allowed to come and that I have to tell her that she's not allowed to bring him. I can see his point, it's our day and it's our right to have who we want to be there with us. But it put's me in an awkward situation with my coworker. What do I tell her?

misshart00

First of all, is she dating this guy?

Jen4948

If she's dating the guy, your FI has no choice about inviting him.  It's not okay to judge relationships or invite one without the other.

If she's really single and just wants to bring him as a +1, though, it gets stickier, because if you offer a +1, then unless your FI has a restraining order against the guy, it's her choice whom to bring.

pahlx036

No - just casually seeing from time to time. She was dating a different guy just last month.

Jen4948

If they're not in a relationship, I suppose you can bring up the issue to your friend, but I'm not sure that it would be good for your relationship with her.

FizzySips

If they are in a relationship then your FI needs to get over it, because this guy should be invited. If they are not in a relationship then you can tell her that the invitation was for her only, and that you hope she can make it. 

manateehugger

What's the basis for why your FI doesn't like this guy? Did you tell her you couldn't accommodate guests? I think it's kind of awkward to go back now and say she can't bring anyone (you could try to say it was an oversight when you went through RSVPs, but still awkward). 

Maggie0829

Wait, she added an on a guest when she wasn't given one.  Why didn't you just tell her right off the bat that you couldn't accommodate her guest and that her invite was for just her?

But at this point I think that ship has sailed because you didn't say anything for a month about the fact that she rudely added a guest.  I just think your FI needs to get over it.  It isn't like he will have to hang out with this guy all night, just a quick "thanks for coming" and then he can move on.

theartistformerlyknownas

Agree with Maggie. You should have told her right away that the invitation was intended only for her and you couldn't accommodate her guest, regardless of who that guest turned out to be (since it's not her SO, or at least wasn't at the time the invitations went out). But now that you've waited this long... you're stuck. You can't exclude people's guests just because you don't like them.

slothiegal

Agree with most everyone else.  What's done is done.  Guest gets to come and that's that.  And really, this one person is not going to be the end all be all to your wedding day.

emmaaa

You should have nipped that in the bud from the beginning. Since you never corrected her that she did not get a plus one, you have no say in who she brings unless they have physically assaulted you or your FI. 

HisGirlFriday13

Not that this is relevant to the question at hand, but anyone in a relationship didn't get a plus-one -- you (should have) invited their SO.

Plus-ones are only for truly single guests, those not in a relationship.

But I agree with PPs that the ship for you saying, 'Oh, I'm sorry, the invite was for you only,' has sailed. You have to nail that down right when it happens.

Tell your FI he'll have to see the guy for all of 10 seconds to say, 'Hi, thanks for coming, good seeing you, bye!'

phira

pahlx036 said:

I invited a bunch of coworkers to my wedding. The married, engaged, and those in long-term relationships all got a +1. But my single coworkers didn't (there's going to be 30 of them there, so plenty of people that they will know). One of my single coworkers RSVPed for her and a +1 even though she wasn't given one. Fast forward one month: turns out her +1 is a guy my fiance went to high school with and doesn't get along with! When I told my fiance who she was bringing, he was furious and said he's not allowed to come and that I have to tell her that she's not allowed to bring him. I can see his point, it's our day and it's our right to have who we want to be there with us. But it put's me in an awkward situation with my coworker. What do I tell her?

1) It is okay to not give single guests a +1. I just want to clarify, though: when you say "long-term relationships," do you mean "longer than X months?" Or do you mean anyone who was in a relationship, in general?

2) What did you say to your coworker when she RSVPed for herself and a guest?

3) Is your coworker dating this guy? Like, for realsies dating? Or is she just bringing him as a friend?

4) When is your wedding? When was your RSVP deadline? It sounds like she RSVPed a month ago, which (to me) would imply that your wedding is coming up really soon.

From what it sounds like, you implicitly or explicitly gave your coworker the "okay" to bring this person as a plus one (either you said, "Okay, fine!" or you didn't say anything and it's been a month--to me, that's saying, "Okay, fine!"). You've forfeited your opportunity to prevent her from bringing a guest to the wedding. And because you've lost that chance, she's going to get to bring whoever she wants.

Unless the person she's bringing has been violent or threatening towards your fiance or other people at your wedding, or has committed crimes against people at the wedding (e.g. threatened to kill your fiance, stole from your parents, something like that), then there's really no grounds to tell your coworker she can't bring him.

And, honestly, it's not as if you're going to spend very much time interacting with him. At the last wedding I went to, there were about 90 people; I spent 1 minute talking to the groom (whom I'd never met before), and 5 minutes talking to the bride. That was it. The whole, "This person I hate can't come to our wedding, it'll ruin our day!" often really is, "I don't want to provide this person I hate with an enjoyable evening on my dollar!" Which, I get that. But the alternative is to ruin your relationship with your coworker.

FiancB

Agree with PPs. TBH, there will be people at our wedding that we dislike or that dislike each other or whatever, but you will be way too busy for it to be an issue. Unless the guy is criminal level unlikable, this isn't a hill worth dying on.