Cash bar

amcjbb

I see a lot of people referencing this. I am NOT saying that this is what my fiance and I are doing, but I am just wondering why is it rude to have a cash bar? I think it is rude to expect the bride/groom to pay for everyone's drinks all night. Or is it just rude to have a cash only bar? So if they had kegs and wine for everyone to drink for free and all cocktails were cash bar style then it is fine?

Maggie0829

amcjbb said:

I see a lot of people referencing this. I am NOT saying that this is what my fiance and I are doing, but I am just wondering why is it rude to have a cash bar? I think it is rude to expect the bride/groom to pay for everyone's drinks all night. Or is it just rude to have a cash only bar? So if they had kegs and wine for everyone to drink for free and all cocktails were cash bar style then it is fine?

When you host a party and formally invite people to attend then you as the host should provide and pay for everything.  If you can't afford a full bar then you don't have a full bar.  These are your guests and the reception is supposed to be a thank you to them for attending your ceremony.  It is a pretty crappy thank you if you provide something that your guests then have to pull out their wallets and pay for themselves.  The main rule of hosting a wedding is to host what you can afford and pay for everything that you provide.

Jen4948

It is rude to have a cash bar for the same reason it is rude to charge your guests for the meal:

Because it is rude to charge your guests for anything.

The reception is your thank-you to your guests for attending the ceremony that united you with your spouse socially, religiously, and/or legally.  So you owe them hospitality in exchange, on your own dime-not theirs.  That means, the bride and groom owe the guests free drinks all reception, and it is rude to expect your guests to pay for any of them.

That means, no cocktail cash bar, no beer cash bar, no virgin drinks cash bar.  Everything offered at that bar must be free of charge to your guests.

amcjbb

So it comes down to what the couple can afford. If they can only afford beer then that is all they should serve. Thank you for the information. I have never thought that it was rude when I was at a wedding and had to pay for my drink. To me the dinner is thanks enough.

KatieinBkln

@Jen4948 thanks for fighting the good fight on this topic today. You're doing yeoman's work and getting very little credit (I just read the "did I SAY the word 'entitled'?" thread and it made ME want to start drinking). 

Jen4948

KatieinBkln said:

@Jen4948 thanks for fighting the good fight on this topic today. You're doing yeoman's work and getting very little credit (I just read the "did I SAY the word 'entitled'?" thread and it made ME want to start drinking). 

Thanks, Katie!  I might end up being JeninBkln soon myself because I have to move soon from Queens.

Maggie0829

amcjbb said:

So it comes down to what the couple can afford. If they can only afford beer then that is all they should serve. Thank you for the information. I have never thought that it was rude when I was at a wedding and had to pay for my drink. To me the dinner is thanks enough.

The entire reception is the thank you, not just the dinner.  When guests pay for drinks then they are basically helping the bride and groom pay for the reception, thus paying for their own thank you.

climbingsingle

When you invite people over for dinner, do you charge them for a glass of wine? 

Host what you can't afford. If you can't afford alcohol, you have a dry wedding. If you can only afford beer, then beer if what you serve. For free. 

LDay2014

It would be no different than having a live band in another room, or fireworks, or whatever entertainment you want...and then charging your guests admission.

It's rude to make your guests pull out their wallets at an event you are hosting...for any reason.

Lisax4156

Our reception budget is pretty pathetic. But we're having an open beer and soda bar. Wine and mixed drinks are cash bar. If anyone wants a mixed drink, they're $4. Having an open beer and soda bar was important to us so we skimped in other parts of our reception.. We skimped on having no deserts and a low key venue that's lightly decorated.. But we will have buffet style food and a DJ. I feel we did good with our reception.

I'd at least try for an open beer bar if nothing else.

QueerFemme

Lisax4156 said:

Our reception budget is pretty pathetic. But we're having an open beer and soda bar. Wine and mixed drinks are cash bar. If anyone wants a mixed drink, they're $4. Having an open beer and soda bar was important to us so we skimped in other parts of our reception.. We skimped on having no deserts and a low key venue that's lightly decorated.. But we will have buffet style food and a DJ. I feel we did good with our reception.

I'd at least try for an open beer bar if nothing else.

You should only serve what you can afford. Don't offer anything you can't pay for. You wouldn't invite people over and serve them chicken, but tell them if they want steak, they need to leave 20 bucks by the door. The same goes for drinks.

You serve what you can afford. That's it.

OwningAHome1981

Lisax4156 said:

Our reception budget is pretty pathetic. But we're having an open beer and soda bar. Wine and mixed drinks are cash bar. If anyone wants a mixed drink, they're $4. Having an open beer and soda bar was important to us so we skimped in other parts of our reception.. We skimped on having no deserts and a low key venue that's lightly decorated.. But we will have buffet style food and a DJ. I feel we did good with our reception.

I'd at least try for an open beer bar if nothing else.

That's not pathetic at all! As long as you aren't charging, it's solid.

Full open bar was one of the most important things to us as well so we also skimped on other areas.

LDay2014

Lisax4156 said:

Our reception budget is pretty pathetic. But we're having an open beer and soda bar. Wine and mixed drinks are cash bar. If anyone wants a mixed drink, they're $4. Having an open beer and soda bar was important to us so we skimped in other parts of our reception.. We skimped on having no deserts and a low key venue that's lightly decorated.. But we will have buffet style food and a DJ. I feel we did good with our reception. I'd at least try for an open beer bar if nothing else.

So, beer and soda are free but if someone wants wine/mixed drinks they have to pay?

Why not just take away the mixed drinks and host wine/beer or have a dry wedding?

Asking your guests to pay for anything doesn't go over well...

Maggie0829

OwningAHome1981 said:

Our reception budget is pretty pathetic. But we're having an open beer and soda bar. Wine and mixed drinks are cash bar. If anyone wants a mixed drink, they're $4. Having an open beer and soda bar was important to us so we skimped in other parts of our reception.. We skimped on having no deserts and a low key venue that's lightly decorated.. But we will have buffet style food and a DJ. I feel we did good with our reception. I'd at least try for an open beer bar if nothing else.

That's not pathetic at all! As long as you aren't charging, it's solid. Full open bar was one of the most important things to us as well so we also skimped on other areas.

She is charging her guests.  If her guests want something besides beer and soda then they have to pay for it, so definitely not a solid plan.

Lisax4156

Not charging them. It's the venue. I said it was a budget reception. I cannot take away the mixed drinks/wine. I've already asked. All of my guests have been informed of our reception options, including the wine/mixed drinks. Besides, we know everyone who is coming and what they drink. 75% drink beer, 10% will drink whatever is available and the rest don't drink. We have a small guest list at only 50 people and 7 of those are kids.  Everyone on our guest list are close friends.

Maggie0829

Lisax4156 said:

Not charging them. It's the venue. I said it was a budget reception. I cannot take away the mixed drinks/wine. I've already asked. All of my guests have been informed of our reception options, including the wine/mixed drinks. Besides, we know everyone who is coming and what they drink. 75% drink beer, 10% will drink whatever is available and the rest don't drink. We have a small guest list at only 50 people and 7 of those are kids.  Everyone on our guest list are close friends.

By having them available then yes you are charging your guests.

And a lot of people have budget receptions and still don't have things available that their guests have to purchase so the fact that it is a budget reception is really not an excuse.

I also have a hard time that you can't just tell the bartender to not serve mixed drinks/wine and only offer what is being hosted.

Lisax4156

Ok well .. its a small son/daughter business.. Thanks for your concern over my guests, but again I've talked to them on a few occasions about the alcohol. There isn't anything I'm able to do.. All I was able to do was to inform my guests, which is what we've already done.I live in Vegas and people do things waaay differently here than they would anywhere else. Things done here mostly aren't "normal" perse.

besides, I am getting married June 7th. So everything is done and set in stone.

Maggie0829

Lisax4156 said:

Ok well .. its a small son/daughter business.. Thanks for your concern over my guests, but again I've talked to them on a few occasions about the alcohol. There isn't anything I'm able to do.. All I was able to do was to inform my guests, which is what we've already done.I live in Vegas and people do things waaay differently here than they would anywhere else. Things done here mostly aren't "normal" perse.

besides, I am getting married June 7th. So everything is done and set in stone.

Sorry still think it is rude to present the option when you aren't hosting it.

iloveotters2014

My bar package for my wedding day consisted of 12 beers, 12 wines, and 2 signature cocktails. (we didnt know it at the time but guests were able to get shots of just the liquor from the cocktails haha). No one complained and everyone had a fantastic time even though it wasn't a "full" open bar and there wasn't other liquor options available for purchase.

I honestly think people will just be happy that you are providing them with free options....they wont care that they cant have their top shelf scotch for free or available to purchase.

That said....when I go to a wedding and see a cash bar the only thing that REALLY ticks me off is when it's ALL cash. If there are beer and wine hosted options I'm usually ok. I know it's not proper etiquette and that's why I did not do it....but speaking as a guest it isn't a deal breaker to me.

Now I did go to a wedding recently that only hosted 2 kegs that ran out in less than 2 hours. The rest was cash other than water. That really sucked. I'm not a beer drinker, so I stuck with water all night. They even charged for soda.  I would have rather they just have had a dry wedding at that point honestly. Especially since those bartenders were incredibly rude....yeah right like I was going to give them any of my cash.

tcnoble

Maggie0829 said:

Lisax4156 said:

Ok well .. its a small son/daughter business.. Thanks for your concern over my guests, but again I've talked to them on a few occasions about the alcohol. There isn't anything I'm able to do.. All I was able to do was to inform my guests, which is what we've already done.I live in Vegas and people do things waaay differently here than they would anywhere else. Things done here mostly aren't "normal" perse.

besides, I am getting married June 7th. So everything is done and set in stone.

Sorry still think it is rude to present the option when you aren't hosting it.

I live in Vegas. I'm getting married in Vegas. And there is nothing waaaaaay different that makes a cash bar here any more okay than anywhere else. So please don't insinuate that cash bars are the norm in Vegas, because they aren't, and if you'll venture over to the Vegas boards you'll find many brides properly hosting their guests with alcohol options they can afford. 

kmmssg

I do NOT encourage cash bars whatsoever and would never have one but I will say that my niece's venue (in mid-Michigan) would NOT remove the bar and would not cover it up either.  It was a case of you use the venue - the bar stays in place (as well as the well placed bartender...)  It definitely made me aware that it was on the do not use list for future daughters.

I don't think lisax4156 can do much at this late date and I don't think her intentions were to be rude.  It is just an unfortunate situation.  Maybe she can spread the word to friends and family who want to have a limited bar so they steer clear.

LDay2014

kmmssg said:

I do NOT encourage cash bars whatsoever and would never have one but I will say that my niece's venue (in mid-Michigan) would NOT remove the bar and would not cover it up either.  It was a case of you use the venue - the bar stays in place (as well as the well placed bartender...)  It definitely made me aware that it was on the do not use list for future daughters.

I don't think lisax4156 can do much at this late date and I don't think her intentions were to be rude.  It is just an unfortunate situation.  Maybe she can spread the word to friends and family who want to have a limited bar so they steer clear.

Ugh, precisely why it's important to ask questions...I would have found another venue.

Thats some serious shady stuff...

zitiqueen

We got married in Las Vegas and managed to pay for all of our guests' drinks and dinner. And transportation to and from the restaurant.

lbuet348

Lisax4156 said:

Not charging them. It's the venue. I said it was a budget reception. I cannot take away the mixed drinks/wine. I've already asked. All of my guests have been informed of our reception options, including the wine/mixed drinks. Besides, we know everyone who is coming and what they drink. 75% drink beer, 10% will drink whatever is available and the rest don't drink. We have a small guest list at only 50 people and 7 of those are kids.  Everyone on our guest list are close friends.

My venue is set up the same way. We are buying a couple of kegs, margarita machine, and wine only but the bar will still have liquor available. I guess we could ask the bartender not to offer it?

jenndeirdre

The last wedding I was at had a cash bar that went to a charity, not sure if that is still a no? I don't drink, so this part will be on my fiancé to decide, I may have to have him come on here and read these since he wants a cash bar since neither of us have been to a wedding that wasn't cash. I have two this year so I'll have to see what they follow since it's both his family. I'd truthfully rather no liquor, I hate being around people drunk and I know that would happen.

JoanE2012

jenndeirdre said:

The last wedding I was at had a cash bar that went to a charity, not sure if that is still a no? I don't drink, so this part will be on my fiancé to decide, I may have to have him come on here and read these since he wants a cash bar since neither of us have been to a wedding that wasn't cash. I have two this year so I'll have to see what they follow since it's both his family. I'd truthfully rather no liquor, I hate being around people drunk and I know that would happen.

It is definitely still a no.  Weddings are not fundraisers.

CMGragain

Venues love cash bars!  They make a great profit on the drinks they sell to your guests.  They don't care how rude it makes the hosts look..  They only care about money.
Venues hate limited bars!  It means that they won't make as much profit as with a full open bar.

It is your wedding.  Are you going to allow a greedy vendor to make you look like a vulgar cheapskate?  Are you going to let someone else dictate how your guests are treated?
For heaven's sake, find a vendor who is more flexible, and who understands your concerns!

OwningAHome1981

jenndeirdre said:

The last wedding I was at had a cash bar that went to a charity, not sure if that is still a no? I don't drink, so this part will be on my fiancé to decide, I may have to have him come on here and read these since he wants a cash bar since neither of us have been to a wedding that wasn't cash. I have two this year so I'll have to see what they follow since it's both his family. I'd truthfully rather no liquor, I hate being around people drunk and I know that would happen.

I would support a cash bar for charity but it would honestly depend on which charity. Something I support I am all for it. A charity i dont support then no. I think there is no real yes or no on this. I will generally never say no to giving $$ to charities I support.

CMGragain

As a guest, I might hesitate to support a charily selected by someone else.  I give plenty to charities without being held up for a drink at a wedding reception.  This is no different than those shady telemarketers who promise to donate to "Special Olympics" or "Wounded War Vets" if you buy their product. 
Charity is no excuse!  Take care of your guests!

Jen4948

jenndeirdre said:

The last wedding I was at had a cash bar that went to a charity, not sure if that is still a no? I don't drink, so this part will be on my fiancé to decide, I may have to have him come on here and read these since he wants a cash bar since neither of us have been to a wedding that wasn't cash. I have two this year so I'll have to see what they follow since it's both his family. I'd truthfully rather no liquor, I hate being around people drunk and I know that would happen.

If you want to donate to a charity, do it of your own funds or gifts that you receive without using a tip jar or announcing the donation to the guests.

MegEn1

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink. You're not FORCING anyone to drink. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink, they don't pay for a drink. And they can go ahead and complain about the food, the decor, and the bride's dress while they're at it too.

The rudest thing seems to be, to me, being a guest at someone's special day where you just enjoyed a good meal and some good time with friends and family, and you get your panties in a twist over $4.95 for your vodka tonic. People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.