Cash gift = taboo, is this really a thing?

sarahufl

lilacck28 said:

My grandmother told me that Jewish people give money for weddings, Christians give boxed gifts. Obviously, a generalization, but it was her way of saying "don't worry, you'll get money" when I mentioned I was thinking about what we needed for a registry. I grew up in a ritzy New England town. The "no cash" thing is not just a Southern thing. I think its just another silly tradition, and seems like a rule/etiquette to those who grew up with it, but isn't. To each their own. A gift of any sort is kind. 

Right now, I give gifts off the registry because I don't have that much money. $35 seems like it goes farther when its given in the form of a "thing", as illogical as I know that to be. I would give a check if I had more, and I hope if the couple preferred money/ really needs the cash, that they return my gift. 

While seemingly a sweeping generalization, my Christian sister married a Jewish guy and the gifts they got were literally split in half by faith.

ohannabelle

I was raised the same way- giving cash meant that you didn't take the time or effort to choose a present, or that the couple needed charity. The rule in our house was that socially, money wasn't discussed, because you sounded like you were either "bragging or begging."

I still get uncomfortable when people post their budgets, even if I know they're doing neither.  

lgilbert916

Grew up in South and am getting married in September and I don't think Honeyfunds are rude.

You don't have to buy me a wedding gift for all I care.  If you do, you don't have to buy one off my honeymoon registry (I have a couple of traditional registries, or <gasp> you could buy something off-registry).  I think the real rudeness lies in being judgmental in what I want... by checking my registry, you are essentially asking, "What would you like as a gift?".  If want you find is a honeymoon registry that essentially says "I would like money for a couples massage", who cares... don't buy it for me if you don't like it!  So sorry I gave an honest representation of what I want.

The argument that honeyfunds are rude because the person actually gets cash rather than the experience is illogical... First a economical look at a traditional registry:

Say I have indicated that I need a $100 gravy boat by registering for it.  I can either buy this item for myself or someone can buy it for me.  If someone buys it for me, they save me $100, which is like GIVING ME $100.  The only way this isn't the case is if I would never buy a $100 gravy boat for myself (which I wouldn't). 

Now tell me, is it rude to register for gifts that aren't worth the money in my mind?  I would say yes.  Honeymoon fund USERS are only rude if they don't every actually complete the experiences paid for them by others. Duh!  This is no more rude than a traditional registrant returning gifts that they received for cash, which I agree is rude.  But the fact that they registered for them isn't the rude part - the rude part is that they essentially traded the experience for cash.

y'all should take an econ class.

lilacck28

lgilbert916 said:

Grew up in South and am getting married in September and I don't think Honeyfunds are rude.

You don't have to buy me a wedding gift for all I care.  If you do, you don't have to buy one off my honeymoon registry (I have a couple of traditional registries, or <gasp> you could buy something off-registry).  I think the real rudeness lies in being judgmental in what I want... by checking my registry, you are essentially asking, "What would you like as a gift?".  If want you find is a honeymoon registry that essentially says "I would like money for a couples massage", who cares... don't buy it for me if you don't like it!  So sorry I gave an honest representation of what I want.

The argument that honeyfunds are rude because the person actually gets cash rather than the experience is illogical... First a economical look at a traditional registry:

Say I have indicated that I need a $100 gravy boat by registering for it.  I can either buy this item for myself or someone can buy it for me.  If someone buys it for me, they save me $100, which is like GIVING ME $100.  The only way this isn't the case is if I would never buy a $100 gravy boat for myself (which I wouldn't). 

Now tell me, is it rude to register for gifts that aren't worth the money in my mind?  I would say yes.  Honeymoon fund USERS are only rude if they don't every actually complete the experiences paid for them by others. Duh!  This is no more rude than a traditional registrant returning gifts that they received for cash, which I agree is rude.  But the fact that they registered for them isn't the rude part - the rude part is that they essentially traded the experience for cash.

y'all should take an econ class.

STUCK IN BOX

I've taken an econ class or two. But I didn't need them to teach me that $100 is better than $97 or $93 which is what you end up with after the honeymoon registry takes a fee from your gift. 

I don't find a lot of things "rude" that others on this board do. And I don't think honeymoon funds are rude either. But I do think they are dumb, since you could get your full gift of $100 without them. 

lgilbert916

Yes, I agree there is a convenience cost associated with the honeymoon funds.  To me, they're worth it, but may not be to everyone.  It would be deceptive to try to hide this from guests to make them think they are giving a slightly better gift than they really are.

Jen4948

lilacck28 said:

My grandmother told me that Jewish people give money for weddings, Christians give boxed gifts. Obviously, a generalization, but it was her way of saying "don't worry, you'll get money" when I mentioned I was thinking about what we needed for a registry. 

Actually, Jewish people often don't give money for weddings.  Some do, but many give boxed gifts or other types of gifts-if they give gifts at all.

lilacck28

Jen4948 said:

lilacck28 said:

My grandmother told me that Jewish people give money for weddings, Christians give boxed gifts. Obviously, a generalization, but it was her way of saying "don't worry, you'll get money" when I mentioned I was thinking about what we needed for a registry. 

Actually, Jewish people often don't give money for weddings.  Some do, but many give boxed gifts or other types of gifts-if they give gifts at all.

I know, which is why I said it was a generalization. My whole family and Fiance's family are Jewish. FMIL just gave fiance's cousin a very nice boxed gift for her wedding. I'm still hoping grandma is right and I mostly get checks. Though... I wouldn't mind getting that staub dutch oven....  ETA: or maybe le creuset? not decided yet...

lilacck28

lgilbert916 said:

Yes, I agree there is a convenience cost associated with the honeymoon funds.  To me, they're worth it, but may not be to everyone.  It would be deceptive to try to hide this from guests to make them think they are giving a slightly better gift than they really are.

Why are they "worth it" to you? I guess I don't understand what you get out of them, that you couldn't get just by not registering or only having a very small registry and spreading "they're saving for their honeymoon" through word of mouth? 

emmaaa

lgilbert916 said:

Grew up in South and am getting married in September and I don't think Honeyfunds are rude.

You don't have to buy me a wedding gift for all I care.  If you do, you don't have to buy one off my honeymoon registry (I have a couple of traditional registries, or <gasp> you could buy something off-registry).  I think the real rudeness lies in being judgmental in what I want... by checking my registry, you are essentially asking, "What would you like as a gift?".  If want you find is a honeymoon registry that essentially says "I would like money for a couples massage", who cares... don't buy it for me if you don't like it!  So sorry I gave an honest representation of what I want.

The argument that honeyfunds are rude because the person actually gets cash rather than the experience is illogical... First a economical look at a traditional registry:

Say I have indicated that I need a $100 gravy boat by registering for it.  I can either buy this item for myself or someone can buy it for me.  If someone buys it for me, they save me $100, which is like GIVING ME $100.  The only way this isn't the case is if I would never buy a $100 gravy boat for myself (which I wouldn't). 

Now tell me, is it rude to register for gifts that aren't worth the money in my mind?  I would say yes.  Honeymoon fund USERS are only rude if they don't every actually complete the experiences paid for them by others. Duh!  This is no more rude than a traditional registrant returning gifts that they received for cash, which I agree is rude.  But the fact that they registered for them isn't the rude part - the rude part is that they essentially traded the experience for cash.

y'all should take an econ class.

@lgilbert916 Let's re-hash this for you...just because you don't find something rude does not mean someone else won't. The problem with Honeyfunds is the fact that one is explicitly asking for money. Asking for money is rude. By registering for things, you are indicated things you need. People have the option to buy this for you. Or they could give you cash.

You talked about cost convenience and that the $7 you are charged for processing a Honeyfund payment is worth it. Would you not rather have the full $100? How is it easier to have someone log on, make an account, type in credit card information, and indicate what specific thing they want to buy, than simply writing a check. Seems like writing a check is much easier.

I hate when people for the South come on here and ruin our good mannered reputation with this shit.

ohannabelle

lgilbert916 said:

Grew up in South and am getting married in September and I don't think Honeyfunds are rude.

You don't have to buy me a wedding gift for all I care.  If you do, you don't have to buy one off my honeymoon registry (I have a couple of traditional registries, or <gasp> you could buy something off-registry).  I think the real rudeness lies in being judgmental in what I want... by checking my registry, you are essentially asking, "What would you like as a gift?".  If want you find is a honeymoon registry that essentially says "I would like money for a couples massage", who cares... don't buy it for me if you don't like it!  So sorry I gave an honest representation of what I want.

The argument that honeyfunds are rude because the person actually gets cash rather than the experience is illogical... First a economical look at a traditional registry:

Say I have indicated that I need a $100 gravy boat by registering for it.  I can either buy this item for myself or someone can buy it for me.  If someone buys it for me, they save me $100, which is like GIVING ME $100.  The only way this isn't the case is if I would never buy a $100 gravy boat for myself (which I wouldn't). 

Now tell me, is it rude to register for gifts that aren't worth the money in my mind?  I would say yes.  Honeymoon fund USERS are only rude if they don't every actually complete the experiences paid for them by others. Duh!  This is no more rude than a traditional registrant returning gifts that they received for cash, which I agree is rude.  But the fact that they registered for them isn't the rude part - the rude part is that they essentially traded the experience for cash.

y'all should take an econ class.

Asking for money is rude. 

A honeyfund is lipstick on a pig. You're dressing up a request for money. The pig is still a pig, and a honeyfund is still asking for money.

There is no polite way to ask for money.

There's no need to "gasp" about buying a gift not on registry. Perfectly normal.

The traditional purpose of wedding gifts is to contribute to the new household, as the guest sees fit.

Not to fund vacations.

And superduper for you if you're not offended. Plenty of people are, they make the couple look greedy, and that's a good reason not to ask for money. 

I don't need an "econ" class to be offended by cash grabs.