Wedding Etiquette Forum

"Everyone around here does it.." Good grief!

So our wedding is in 24 days so we (me, J, his parents) are getting the final details tended to. Now, let me first say that to get the wedding I want, I have been paying for 99% of it...MIL bought my dress. 

1. I have set aside the cash for the bar, taking into consideration what our circle typically drinks as well as what is typical wedding bar offerings in this area...FIL wants a specific liquor so he said he is going to be purchasing that bc it's tradition in his family. I've never heard of it, or can even remember the name half the time. No problem. MIL is STUCK on people not getting drunk so she's been full of ideas...you know, the usual---"we (me) will supply x amount and when we run out too bad", cash bar or partial cash bar..."because that's pretty common here". Which of course brings about my response of "Just because people do it, doesn't make it right". FIL and I sat down and have figured out the bar and he said if it goes over budget he will cover it...then smiled and said, "you worry too much, I got your back, kid"

2. Decorating. Originally our wedding was going to lake side...then back yard...then just outside...then under the pavilion at the hall. Yesterday we went to the hall to get measurements and do other things to get our decor ready. Apparently, at some point MIL fell off her damn easy chair and decided that we are decorating in a "country bumpkin barn wedding" style. Now, there is nothing wrong with country bumpkin barn weddings, I've seen photos of some really pretty barn weddings, HOWEVER it is not MY style. NEVER has been NEVER will be. While trying to explain to MIL how I want things, of course the word Bridezilla is mentioned. SERIOUSLY?!?! Keep in mind I have compromised A LOT about things to keep her involved and she should know me well enough by now that country barn is NOT going to happen...I even pulled out the "She who pays gets the say". Decorating brings us to....

3. Ceremony relocation. This is one reason I absolutely adore J...while I was disagreeing with his mom bc for whatever reason she has gone crazy, he started walking the property. After a few minutes, he hollered to me, thinking he was going to say something about me arguing with his mom. He was standing in a clearing between the building and the cemetery next door. He pointed to two huge trees at one end of the clearing and said, "We wanted the ceremony outside, why not do it right here?" I stopped, look around, and I swear I almost started to cry. Idk why we didn't see this clearing before! MIL threw her hands up and walked away. Settled...BUT....

4  Seating. The budget is at it's limit. There is NOTHING left for chair rental.Our guest list as of right now is down to 103. I mentioned needing to decide something about seating. MIL: "People can stand, people stand at weddings all the time." Me: "Absolutely not!" MIL: "There weren't any chairs last year at P and A's wedding" ME: "EXACTLY! And I'll be damned if I'm going to make people stand!" MIL: "People around here usually stand for outside weddings" ME: *calmly and through gritted teeth* "Again, just because a lot of people do it doesn't make it the only way or the RIGHT way!". FIL and J said they will take charge of making sure the tables from the pavilion (seating for 120)  or chairs from inside are brought out and put back before and after the ceremony. We have enough young men (15-22yo family members) that will help...my nephews and my sons.

As I've said before, I really like my MIL....but holy shit was yesterday CRAZY! On the way home j said, "About time you start to see what I say! The woman will make you nuts!" LMAO

*Deep breath in...24 days...Deep breath out*
~*~June 21, 2014~*~


Re: "Everyone around here does it.." Good grief!

  • I have to admit, things have been pretty smooth but now that it's getting down to the wire, a power struggle with MIL is not something I enjoy.

    Just off the phone with her and she is super concerned about the whole (maybe) ten kids that will be in attendance and how one of them might choke on a smaller aspect of the the decor and how badly she would feel. LMAO I said, "While I would feel bad, I would be more pissed that the parents weren;t tending to their demons." And then she mentioned the citronella candles (FIL's suggestion) as well as the fire pit...my god someone might get burned! hahaha

    Our venue is great bc there is a small wooden swingset and horeshoe pits...both of which will be used. A kid might fall off the swingset or get a splinter...or god forbid get hit in the head when people start drinking and are playing horseshoes! All I could say through laughter....seriously, not my problem! hahaha I could hear FIL in the background "Jesus H Christ, Rande,..will you fucking relax before you make her an alcoholic!" LMFAO

    I'll be glad when this wedding is over hahahaha
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


    GuitarSlayerkmmssg[Deleted User]
  • Sorry about your MIL. At this point, I would stop communicating with her about the wedding and have your fiance tell her that everything is under control, that the decor is finalized, the alcohol is finalized, the location is finalized etc... and that she just needs to worry about getting herself there next month. Making that move will cause you a lot of stress reduction.

    Does the venue own the chairs or are they renting them? You can normally rent cheap chairs for $1-2. I'd much rather pay $120-240 than having to have guests and wedding party scramble to put chairs at their seats during the time we'd be taking photos. Can you charge it?
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm just glad your FI supports you in this craziness.  And you had the foresight to pay for everything yourselves. 

    BLESS you for the citronella candles.  I got eaten alive at the outdoor wedding I went to last weekend because I didn't want to mix bug spray with my nice wedding clothes.

    If she keeps being a pill about people hurting themselves, you can tell her that most households contain all of those dangers (fire, splinters, etc.) and somehow everyone's managed to survive it thus far.  And why would someone who is not paying complain about not having to sit through the ceremony?  The lady's clearly a few screws loose.
    CheleLyn
  • Yeah, the venue owns the chairs. Unless the in-laws offer to pay for extra chair rental, it can't happen...my budget is at the max. I really don't want to charge anything bc going into debt, no matter how small, for the wedding is not something that either of us want to do.

    Most pictures will be done before the ceremony...my photographer will do me and the girls, me and my brother, plus our first look photos. Her associate will do the guys photos at a separate location at the same time. Trying to cut down on as many post ceremony photos as possible. Doing photos with my sons can be done first, then they and my nephews could (theoretically) get the seating back in place for the reception while the bridal party photos are being done. There wouldn't be other "regular" guests moving chairs, just my nephews and sons.
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


  • May I express my admiration for your FIL?  Also, it seems that despite the chaos, everything seems to be set.  You'll survive.  With a little help from your friends Pino, Cab, and Zin.
    As well as Jack and Jim ;)
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    CheleLyn said:
    Yeah, the venue owns the chairs. Unless the in-laws offer to pay for extra chair rental, it can't happen...my budget is at the max. I really don't want to charge anything bc going into debt, no matter how small, for the wedding is not something that either of us want to do.

    Most pictures will be done before the ceremony...my photographer will do me and the girls, me and my brother, plus our first look photos. Her associate will do the guys photos at a separate location at the same time. Trying to cut down on as many post ceremony photos as possible. Doing photos with my sons can be done first, then they and my nephews could (theoretically) get the seating back in place for the reception while the bridal party photos are being done. There wouldn't be other "regular" guests moving chairs, just my nephews and sons.
    How much would the extra chairs cost? If it's only a couple hundred bucks I'd charge it and not think twice about it. I'd much rather pay for it over the next month or two rather than deal with the hassle of having ANY guests move chairs. Yes, your nephews are indeed guests and if other guests see them moving chairs they'll likely offer to help. And then you'll have "regular" guests moving chairs as well. Seriously. Save your sanity on this. We're date twins and I know how stressed you are right now and this will give you ONE LESS thing to worry about.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
    CheleLyn
  • CheleLyn said:
    I have to admit, things have been pretty smooth but now that it's getting down to the wire, a power struggle with MIL is not something I enjoy.

    Just off the phone with her and she is super concerned about the whole (maybe) ten kids that will be in attendance and how one of them might choke on a smaller aspect of the the decor and how badly she would feel. LMAO I said, "While I would feel bad, I would be more pissed that the parents weren;t tending to their demons." And then she mentioned the citronella candles (FIL's suggestion) as well as the fire pit...my god someone might get burned! hahaha

    Our venue is great bc there is a small wooden swingset and horeshoe pits...both of which will be used. A kid might fall off the swingset or get a splinter...or god forbid get hit in the head when people start drinking and are playing horseshoes! All I could say through laughter....seriously, not my problem! hahaha I could hear FIL in the background "Jesus H Christ, Rande,..will you fucking relax before you make her an alcoholic!" LMFAO

    I'll be glad when this wedding is over hahahaha
    bahahaha omg.....I had about 8 kids at my wedding....and I never once thought about how they could choke on anything. oh my wow. Of all things to be concerned about.......

    I feel for you girl!!
    pinkshorts27CheleLyn
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Do you have all of your RSVPs in? 

    If not, there's a chance 2-3 people will decline, and that could free up $100-ish for chairs (depending on food/alcohol costs).

    I'm not saying to plan on that, but you may end up with enough money after all.
    CheleLyn
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    As for the rest, she sounds exactly like my mother. My dad came to the rescue so many times it was unreal.
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    CheleLyn said:
    Apparently, at some point MIL fell off her damn easy chair and decided that we are decorating in a "country bumpkin barn wedding" style. 
    I'm fucking dying. Is your MIL like Thelma Harper, because I can't picture anything else. I'm about to rupture my stomach from trying to hold in my lols
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    CheleLyn
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Just want to send lots of hugs.  I'm glad your FI has your back!
    CheleLyn
  • kdd2015kdd2015 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm bracing myself for the barrage of unwanted advice from my MIL as we start the in-depth planning. I'm glad you have a supportive FI and FIL to help! 
    CheleLyn
  • beethery said:
    CheleLyn said:
    Apparently, at some point MIL fell off her damn easy chair and decided that we are decorating in a "country bumpkin barn wedding" style. 
    I'm fucking dying. Is your MIL like Thelma Harper, because I can't picture anything else. I'm about to rupture my stomach from trying to hold in my lols
    LMAO She's a bit too active for a rocker, but now when I see her I'm going to start calling her Mama!
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


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