Moms and Maids

What "roles" can I give my mom during the wedding?

It seems as if my mom has become a bit jealous of "roles" during the wedding. When she found out that I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle and that during the reception there is a father-daughter dance, she asked, "Well, what do I get to do?" I guess helping me plan, keeping me organized, and helping me shop for my dress isn't enough. I'm guessing she wants something that draws attention to her...? I don't have any experience with this wedding stuff so it's all been overwhelming as is. Does anyone have any advice on how I can give my mom the spotlight during the wedding so she feels loved too???

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, she can be ushered to her seat, do a reading, host a pre- or post-wedding event for you, and/or do a spotlight dance with your father and/or your FI.

    Alternatively, she can grow up and recognize that the honorees of your wedding are you and your FI and stop wanting "something that draws attention to her" like a little kid.  She's an adult.


    HisGirlFriday13
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    rdeniseq said:
    It seems as if my mom has become a bit jealous of "roles" during the wedding. When she found out that I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle and that during the reception there is a father-daughter dance, she asked, "Well, what do I get to do?" I guess helping me plan, keeping me organized, and helping me shop for my dress isn't enough. I'm guessing she wants something that draws attention to her...? I don't have any experience with this wedding stuff so it's all been overwhelming as is. Does anyone have any advice on how I can give my mom the spotlight during the wedding so she feels loved too???
    I'm just confused about how this stuff was news to her.  It's fairly standard wedding tradition and I've seen it done more often than not. 

    She could light the unity candle like another PP said.  I've also been to a couple of weddings where the bride and groom walked over to each mother and presented her with a flower before they headed back up the aisle.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't know that it's really fair to suggest that Mom "needs to grow up," or just "wants attention like a little kid."

    Honestly, I'm a MOB, and I don't want the spotlight in any way. I'm not comfortable with public attention, and would just hate a spotlight dance, or anything like that. I actually dread being the last person seated, and knowing I'll be the object of focus for 20 agonizing seconds. And I'm truly genuinely happy that my daughter wants to include me in the planning, and that she trusts my taste and choices. I don't want anything more.

    But is it really fair that society decrees that Mom is supposed to be just tickled being the organizer/ shopper/planner/unofficial day of coordinator/party planner- and traditionally, Dad gets the official parental recognition with the giving away and Father daughter dance? It's more than a little sexist, honestly. Mom gets the work, Dad gets the recognition. 

    I think Jen4948's suggestion that Mom can just host another event for you is missing the point.

    All of MariePoppy's suggestions are really lovely ones. (I hope my daughter gets no such ideas, though it would be sweet to be asked.)
     It might not at all be about Mom needing to get over herself and grow up, and more about being treated with the same respect as the other parent.
    You may be right about this not being about the OP's mom not needing to "grow up and get over herself," and I do agree with the suggestions @MairePoppy made.  

    That said, the fact that Mom is complaining about the things that Dad traditionally does, like walking the bride down the aisle and father-daughter dances and suggesting that there is nothing else for her to do, and the OP's suggestion that her mother wants the spotlight to be on her, does rather suggest that Mom might have a problem understanding that others are the stars of the show on this occasion and that her own traditional role is peripheral.  It's still an important role, but no, it's not a starring role. 

    This is why I suggested creating a "starring role" by allowing Mom to host a wedding-related occasion for the OP where Mom can call the shots and get additional attention.


  • Hi everyone! Thanks for your input!! There are some great suggestions and I appreciate your responses! Just to clarify, my mother was not born and raised in the US and has not predominately lived in the US so thats why the typical traditions aren't quite as obvious. To be honest, I'm not at all familiar with many of the typical traditions associated with weddings either...guess I don't watch enough TV! But you all have given me more than enough options and I think I might use one! THANK YOUUU!!! :)
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    rdeniseq - you should ask your mom what her family's traditions are. You can include some of her ethnic traditions. 
                       
  • I went to a wedding recently where both parents walked the bride down the aisle! The groom had both his parents walk him down as well.  You could do something like that, so your mom will get equal recognition!
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