Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding vow renewel after 2yrs?

Ok so my hubby and i had hit a really bad patch in our marriage, we are coming back from it! I was thinking about talking to him about renewing our vows. this june will be 2 yrs married and this Oct will be 6yrs together. We have 3 great kids that never got to be apart of our court house wedding. I want to do something more committed this time round. what are your thoughts on this?
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Re: Wedding vow renewel after 2yrs?

  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    Ok so my hubby and i had hit a really bad patch in our marriage, we are coming back from it! I was thinking about talking to him about renewing our vows. this june will be 2 yrs married and this Oct will be 6yrs together. We have 3 great kids that never got to be apart of our court house wedding. I want to do something more committed this time round. what are your thoughts on this?

    Well, I don't think it is possible to do anything more committed than actually getting married. Do your kids really even know that they didn't get to be a part of your court house wedding? You say you've been together for 6 years and married for only 2, which means your oldest would have been 4 at the time?

    However, if you feel like having a vow renewal and then a celebration of your marriage and renewed commitment to one another, sure thing. Just don't call it a wedding. No wedding gown. No cake cutting. No first dance. No bridal party. Just reaffirm your love and commitment to one another and then throw a nice and well hosted party for your family and friends.
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    chibiyuimelbelleup
  • we never had a real wedding, it was just saying our vows in front of justice of piece.

  • I was going to say the same thing pp said. You can't get MORE committed than being married.

    I do think it's a little... soon to be having a vow renewal. I get that you hit a rough patch, but it's only been two years. I would be more focused on marital counseling than being concerned your kids weren't a part of your wedding.
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    KGold80ShesSoColdluckysnorkel
  • a13049a13049 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    Don't feed the troll ..............,,,,,,,................…………….…………… Honestly op, put a little more effort into to at least make it a little believable
    [Deleted User]ashley8918
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    we never had a real wedding, it was just saying our vows in front of justice of piece.

    You can't get much more real than getting married. You may not have had your dream wedding, but it was just as real. That ship has sailed. You can have a vow renewal and then throw a party if you wish. As pp stated, two years is a little soon, but I personally wouldn't side-eye it too hard if I were invited to a nicely hosted vow renewal and party that didn't try to be a wedding. You could skip the vows and just have an awesome anniversary party next year, too.
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    melbelleuppinkshorts27theartistformerlyknownasdoeydo
  • feed the troll??

  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    a13049 said:

    Don't feed the troll
    ..............,,,,,,,................…………….……………

    Honestly op, put a little more effort into to at least make it a little believable

    Why are you assuming this is a troll? People ask these questions all the time...
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    [Deleted User]
  • ya im not a troll at all. im new on here.. so what? i just asked a honest question. we did a quick court house wedding because i ended up getting really sick and wanted to make sure he was able to have all rights to my son (who isn't his) if something was to happen to me. I never got to do the 1st dance with my dad or husband, i never had a dress, never had a party... we recently hit a really bad rough patch to were we weren't sure if we would stay married, But now things have changed. i dont care if you guys think im a fake or some crap.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ya im not a troll at all. im new on here.. so what? i just asked a honest question. we did a quick court house wedding because i ended up getting really sick and wanted to make sure he was able to have all rights to my son (who isn't his) if something was to happen to me. I never got to do the 1st dance with my dad or husband, i never had a dress, never had a party... we recently hit a really bad rough patch to were we weren't sure if we would stay married, But now things have changed. i dont care if you guys think im a fake or some crap.
    So what?  The bolded things don't make any difference as to whether or not you are "married." 

    You asked an honest question, but the honest truth is that having had the courthouse wedding, that WAS your wedding.  Sometimes life gets in the way of having a wedding with first dances, dresses, and parties, but as everyone knows, life isn't fair.  Part of being married means accepting that even if the wedding you had wasn't what you dreamed of, if it united you even legally to your spouse, that was your wedding and the boat has sailed for all the rest of the things you mentioned.

    And if you're not willing to take our answers to your honest question, we can't help you.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    I never got to dance at my wedding, either.  Does that mean I get a re-do?  We've been married almost 38 years.
    OP, you had your wedding - at the courthouse.  Many of my relatives had similar weddings.  That ship has sailed for you.  Please don't make yourself look ridiculous by dressing up in a pouffy bridal gown and throwing a fake re-do wedding.
    Vow renewals are NOT second weddings.  If your motivation is that you want a big party, the white dress, the "first dance", then those are the wrong reasons to have a vow renewal.
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  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    OP, I think courthouse weddings, for whatever reason, can be beautiful.  And they're VERY real - that's when you and your husband became husband and wife.

    I don't think another "wedding" is a good idea.  You're already married!  And it sounds like your health is much better, and you and your H have a great family with three awesome kids.  Seems to me like your courthouse wedding was very successful - you were married then, and still are!

    I love @misshart00 's idea about a vacation.  I think that instead of trying for a re-do (which would be really awkward for your guests, I think) - take an awesome family vacation and have a small vow renewal with just your H and kids, OR, if you are sad that you didn't get to celebrate your marriage with family and friends, throw an AWESOME anniversary party.  Still no bridal gown, vows, spotlight dances, etc - but you could have an awesome venue, catering, a DJ and dancing (you could save a slow dance for your dad but not have it be ONLY you two), open bar, etc. 

    Trying to have a re-do ceremony will seem to others like you just want more attention.  Spending that $ and time planning on a small vow renewal and vacation with your family, or an awesome, well-hosted anniversary party will allow you and your family to celebrate your marriage without offending others or seeming like you want to be the center of attention.
    SP29
  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I'm biased because I'm not a fan of vow renewals in general, but I like the family vacation idea. Since it sounds like you really miss the party, you could also just throw a big party. An anniversary party, summer party, whatever. You can get caterers, wear a pretty outfit, even dance with your husband. Big parties are a blast! They shouldn't just be reserved for weddings.
    pinkshorts27
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Please be mindful that you are already married. So, you want to renew you vows? Great! But, don't forget you already had a wedding, at the courthouse, with the JOP. You were an adult and made the adult decision to get married in that manner rather than throwing a big to-do wedding. Does it make you any less married? No. 

    Having a vow renewal but making it look like a wedding is on of the things we call a Pretty Princess Day (PPD) because it makes you look like you just want to be the center of attention. You have to be very careful about how you plan for a vow renewal. 

    My suggestion is to do it on a family vacation at the beach like a PP mentioned. Then dance with your kids, your husband, and if you want, invite your parents and dance with you dad. You can dance with your dad or partner any day of the year. It does not need to be a special occasion to do that.

  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    You stood in front of a JOP and said vows. Guess what? THAT IS A REAL WEDDING!!

    DH & I only had 2 guests at our wedding, no reception, no first dance. We didn't even have cake! We still had a great wedding day and are just as married as anyone who had a big wedding.

    If you want to renew your vows to recommit after a tough time in your marriage that is fine, but if you want a vow renewal because you feel you didn't have a "real wedding" then you've got your priorities screwed up.


    doeydo
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I side eye any vow renewals before 10 years.

    And you did have a "real wedding." It just might not have been the wedding you dreamed of as a little girl.

    Instead of a re- do wedding. Take a family vacation.

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  • KatWAG said:

    I side eye any vow renewals before 10 years.

    And you did have a "real wedding." It just might not have been the wedding you dreamed of as a little girl.

    Instead of a re- do wedding. Take a family vacation.

    agreed on that point. 

    The first two years are tough for almost every couple- you don't get a reward for staying married 2 years.

    If after 10-20 years you still feel the same way I think it's a little more reason to celebrate...
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    You made a choice to get married at the JOP because at the time it was more important to have the legal piece of paper than the party.  That was your choice.  As an adult, you know that choices have consequences.  The consequence of having a JOP wedding is that you don't get to have the big party a few years later because you feel like you missed out.  If it was that important, you should have waited to get married. 

    You are married.  You can have an anniversary party, although not feeling a 3 year anniversary party.  Maybe at 10 years at the earliest.  You can go on a kick ass vacation with hubby and maybe take the kids.  I think given the choice, the kids would much rather go on a vacation than attend a vow renewal.  Probably hubby as well.

    The first dance, dance with dad and big party time has passed.  Understand in life, we always have a choice.  We may not like the choices given, but we always have a choice. 
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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    mysticl said:
    luvbirds3 said:
    ya im not a troll at all. im new on here.. so what? i just asked a honest question. we did a quick court house wedding because i ended up getting really sick and wanted to make sure he was able to have all rights to my son (who isn't his) if something was to happen to me. I never got to do the 1st dance with my dad or husband, i never had a dress, never had a party... we recently hit a really bad rough patch to were we weren't sure if we would stay married, But now things have changed. i dont care if you guys think im a fake or some crap.
    Getting married would not cause that to happen.  The boy's biological family would have precedence over a step parent.  For your husband to have full rights to your son he has to adopt him.  He probably would have gotten custody if you named him as guardian in your will but family could have still tried to contest that.  
    Ah yeah, I missed this. What you would need in that case would be full custody and have your husband formally adopt your son.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you want a vow renewal with your kids present, go for it! You can repeat your vows every year on your wedding anniversary.
    crunchymamaof2
  • @luvbirds3

    I'm in the minority here, but I see nothing wrong with having a vow renewal after two years. Most people seem to think it's a bit gift grabby or attention whorish, but I think that all depends on the intent behind it and how it's executed. And quite honestly some people will think that you are being attention whorish or gift grabby no matter how you choose to do it. 

    If you want to take it literally and logically - than yes, vows never expire and there is never a need for a vow renewal, etc. But not everything in life is logical. Sometimes, it's just emotional. I feel like we don't celebrate enough in life. So if you feel the need to have a vow renewal to reaffirm the love you have with your new family in a private setting, go for it. If you feel the need to reaffirm your love with friends and family present, I say go for it. Just make sure they are hosted properly. 

    Also make sure you clear with the reasons why you want to have a renewal to ensure that it is executed in a way that suits your needs. After thinking about it, you may find that A private renewal with just your husband and kids in an intimate location may be all you really need. Regardless, I wish you luck with your decision and congrats for making it through that rough patch.
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  • Would Flava Flave count as a Justice of the Piece?
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Generally, I think vow renewals before 10 years are strange. However, since you went through a rough patch and want to renew them with your husband as a result, I can get on board with the 2 years. I think the family vacation renewal is a good idea.  

    I think it is in poor taste that you said you didn't get a real wedding b/c you had a courthouse wedding, though. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Thanks everyone for the advice, im still doing what i want:)  my family and friends all know what happened. Ive talked to them and they dont think its selfish or i that im a attention whore. i know that getting married at the court house was a REAL wedding. Im not that stupid. But ive talked to my hubby and he wants to do this vow renewal. We are celebrating out love for each other and thats that. :)
  • luvbirds3 said:
    Ok so my hubby and i had hit a really bad patch in our marriage, we are coming back from it! I was thinking about talking to him about renewing our vows. this june will be 2 yrs married and this Oct will be 6yrs together. We have 3 great kids that never got to be apart of our court house wedding. I want to do something more committed this time round. what are your thoughts on this?
    So, why did you ask?
    Here is a good etiquette guide for vow renewals.  Notice that it says no big white wedding dress, no wedding party (It's NOT a wedding!).  I hope you have a meaningful vow renewal - not a re-do wedding.

    http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html

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    doeydochibiyui
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