Wedding Etiquette Forum

ugh more people i have to chase to see if they are coming

so i send out invites last week of april gave a june 1st dedline to have the invites in not realizing june 1st is a sunday so realistically i should have had june second.

its friday nothing came and only one came yesterday  and i have tomorrow to expect that 53 people will be rsvping  most of them are couples plus ones and families,

 i was hoping to have to chase down less people but we will see what tomorrow brings for rsvps

anyone else having large number of people they have to chase down

Re: ugh more people i have to chase to see if they are coming

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I did not have to chase down many people. But I made the RSVP deadline two weeks before the wedding.

    I think when you give a deadline as far out as you did you are going to have to chase down more people. Some people can't commit 4 weeks out.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Only a few.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Wait until at least Wednesday before you start calling people. Some of them might put it in the mail this weekend or early next week.
  • Your RSVP deadline is almost 4 weeks before your weeding, which is a little early. The ladies on here usually suggest about a 2 week before deadline. This might be part of why you haven't received the RSVPs. Some people don't comitt that far ahead of time. Also, you should give it a few days. If they sent them back on June 1st it will take a few days to get to you.
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I had to chase people so hard just to get their addresses, I'm sure this will be an issue as well. WTF people, do you not know where you live?

    But yeah, you did the rsvp a bit early. I would wait until a few days before your headcount is due to start bugging people. 
    image
  • I have 40 couples and family I have to chase down.... soooo yes. woohoo! My people have a little bit more time, but not too much left.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We had about 20 to track down, but ours was due 10 days out.  Not sure if that helped or not.    Of those we did need to track down some never received the invite.  A few others sent back the RSVP but we didn't get them until the week of the wedding.  All of those had a postmark of 6 weeks earlier.      

    My point is its really easy to think all non-responders are lazy, but in our case it was USPS fault not the guest.   You can't RSVP to something you didn't received and the others sent them back, not their fault we didn't get them.

    Of course, there were a few "Oh shit! I forgot to send it back" people.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    We had about 20 to track down, but ours was due 10 days out.  Not sure if that helped or not.    Of those we did need to track down some never received the invite.  A few others sent back the RSVP but we didn't get them until the week of the wedding.  All of those had a postmark of 6 weeks earlier.      

    My point is its really easy to think all non-responders are lazy, but in our case it was USPS fault not the guest.   You can't RSVP to something you didn't received and the others sent them back, not their fault we didn't get them.

    Of course, there were a few "Oh shit! I forgot to send it back" people.
    That's crazy!! Definitely something to think about as I call people
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    We've got about 30 people (less than 20 invites) outstanding with an RSVP deadline next Friday.  Some of them we know are coming through verbal confirmation, but they haven't sent in the card indicating their meal choice.  Our numbers are due to our venue 2 weeks out, so we will likely be making some calls the week after next.  I am giving them a few days after the deadline before we start making calls.

    Also, we know already at least one RSVP got lost in the mail.  FI's friend, who lives less than a mile from us and has the same post office, mentioned to him that she sent in her RSVP right away because she was so excited about the wedding.  We never got it, so we just asked what entrees they wanted.
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    We had about 20 to track down, but ours was due 10 days out.  Not sure if that helped or not.    Of those we did need to track down some never received the invite.  A few others sent back the RSVP but we didn't get them until the week of the wedding.  All of those had a postmark of 6 weeks earlier.      

    My point is its really easy to think all non-responders are lazy, but in our case it was USPS fault not the guest.   You can't RSVP to something you didn't received and the others sent them back, not their fault we didn't get them.

    Of course, there were a few "Oh shit! I forgot to send it back" people.
    That's crazy!! Definitely something to think about as I call people
    yep.  We had  3 RSVP show up a few days before.  All of them had postmarks of 6+ weeks earlier.  It was like they had been delivered somewhere else. We had already spoken to those people, so we knew they were coming.   If felt bad because one was from a normally flaky single guy.  Poor guy sent the thing out the same day he got the invite and still could not get credit for being on time.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 
  • Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 
    This actually makes me feel tons better about the 6 week out RSVP date for my cousin's wedding.  I don't want to accuse her of B-listing, but that was my thought with the ridic RSVP time.
  • We had quite a few we had to chase down, probably 15% or so of the guest list.

    Our RSVP date was 3.5 weeks out, and we waited to call until the 3 week mark for folks that forgot to put it in the mail until the day of.  Headcount was due 2 weeks ahead for us, so that gave us a week to get ahold of them.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 
       Working in the business as long as I have I can't for the life of me understand why they would need the numbers that far out.  I've really tried to figure it out and I just can't.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    HisGirlFriday13
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    lyndausvi said:
    Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 
       Working in the business as long as I have I can't for the life of me understand why they would need the numbers that far out.  I've really tried to figure it out and I just can't.
    Winter wedding in the Klondike? Need to order the supplies and have them shipped in by dogsled??

    I'm with you - it doesn't make any sense to need numbers that far out. Maybe they are growing the food in their organic garden out back?? My venue needed a minimum 10 days out, I could add after that, just not drop.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 
       Working in the business as long as I have I can't for the life of me understand why they would need the numbers that far out.  I've really tried to figure it out and I just can't.
    Winter wedding in the Klondike? Need to order the supplies and have them shipped in by dogsled??

    I'm with you - it doesn't make any sense to need numbers that far out. Maybe they are growing the food in their organic garden out back?? My venue needed a minimum 10 days out, I could add after that, just not drop.
    LOL - I've lived in some pretty remote places around the country and have never had to give hard numbers that far out.  It simply blows my mind.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    lyndausvi said:





    Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.

    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 

       Working in the business as long as I have I can't for the life of me understand why they would need the numbers that far out.  I've really tried to figure it out and I just can't.

    SIB!
    I bet it has more to do with money (wanting to figure out employee needs, budgets, time commitments, getting paid beforehand) than just needing final headcount.

    CrazyCatLady3
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Give people a few days after the deadline to get things in. Some people think "RSVP by June 1" means "send this back on June 2 when you realize you're late."
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    HisGirlFriday13
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    kitty8403 said:
    Changing the RSVP to a closer date makes since but unfortunately my venue needs a final head count 4 weeks in advance! Most of the venues I visited needed them by then.
    Mine actually wants 5 weeks! 
       Working in the business as long as I have I can't for the life of me understand why they would need the numbers that far out.  I've really tried to figure it out and I just can't.
    SIB! I bet it has more to do with money (wanting to figure out employee needs, budgets, time commitments, getting paid beforehand) than just needing final headcount.
    I've worked many events in my time.  All over the country for different types of venues. Again, I can't for the life of me understand a venue needing hard numbers 5 weeks out.

      Soft numbers, sure. Even my own venue wanted an idea of how the RSVPs look a month out.   Hard numbers? No.    The only reason I can think of is people drop out so they know most people will be under the guaranteed number.    If the actual is under the guarantee  the difference is  pretty much straight profit for the venue.   

    The difference in labor between 100 and 110 is almost nil. It's pretty common industry wide to do employee schedules on a weekly basis.  Between the contract and the soft numbers they have a general ideal on what to expect in the coming weeks.  


    Not much anyone who has a signed contract can do now, but any lurkers who have not signed a contract I would definitely negotiate that point.   Major  international hotels/resorts I've worked at all had a company standard of 72 hours out.  My venue was a small mom and pop place in Cape May and they were also 72 hours out. And I had to rent everything (chairs, tables, etc) from a rental company.

    This is like my PSA.  If you never hosted an event on this scale before you might not think about needing the numbers that far out.  IMO and IME you should provide the venue soft numbers a month out  Final numbers should be between 3-10 days out.  Maybe 14, but I would really question any venue who insists on final numbers more than 14 days out.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    AddieCakeHisGirlFriday13photokitty
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I had a RSVP date of 4 weeks before the wedding. I was lucky, I had almost everyone respond on time. (And not one person RSVP for someone not invited-win!)

     We only had 3 RSVPs we had to follow up on. One said they sent it back, but my Mom never received it. One person is elderly and has been sick. She wants to come but she doesn't know if she'll be able to (still don't know).
     And another one was my friend who was waiting to see if her boyfriend had the night off. All I did was text her and say, just let me know by the end of next week. She found out that day that he can come, yay!

    Things happen and your numbers might change between 2 weeks and 4 weeks, so putting and RSVP date of 4 weeks is fine (IMO) but don't be upset if a couple people find out they can or cannot come in that time frame.

    My FI groomsman RSVP for only himself, because his girlfriend has another wedding to go to that day. Well, this week FI says GM GF may come after all, because the wedding she was going to go to is being called off. 
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  • so got some responses today.. 24 rsvp cards still outstanding 51 guest total that still need to respond.

    got a decline for one of fi co workers but he had declined for himself and one other person when only he was the one on the invite, at least he didnt respond yes otherwise we would have been calling him and saying invite was only for you
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Give people a few days past the deadline, as many people may drop the RSVP in the mail on June 1st (or 2nd). We had a handful of people to track down for numbers 14 days out. One couple didn't receive the first invitation as we had the postal code wrong (a B instead of an E).
  • My venue had us give the soft number about a month before - and a hard number that we would be charged for seven days in advance of the wedding. I, too, find it surprising when brides state that their venue needs it four - five weeks in advance.

    As for tracking people down - I had one non-response, but it was my dad's brother so it was easy enough to track down. Also had one couple that was basing their decision on how they were feeling after surgery. They waited until the day of the deadline - which wasn't a big deal at all. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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