Wedding Etiquette Forum

Etiquette regarding always inviting SO's.

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Re: Etiquette regarding always inviting SO's.

  • Zhabeego said:
    It is insulting to say that just because we're not engaged or living together that our relationship isn't as important or valid. My relationship has lasted longer than most of our friend's marriages. Legally getting married or even getting engaged doesn't ensure the relationship will last forever, which is why these rules are so arbitrary.

    Not giving a plus one for a boyfriend is not saying the relationship isn't serious or won't last. While I would not personally do it, etiquette does allow for inviting single people by themselves and in this case, singe is defined as not being married, engaged or living together. It's not a referendum on your personal relationship. For the purposes of etiquette, you are not a social unit until you meet one of those three criteria.
    Where are people getting this rule?  Sounds so arbitrary.

    Legally, "single" means not married.  So not even engaged or living together couples would count.

    If you're talking about really old traditional etiquette, "living together" would not be included, only married or engaged.

    So where are people finding this supposedly modern etiquette rule that dictates you only have to invite married/engaged/living together?  It's such an arbitrary distinction of what makes a social unit.

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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
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    edited June 2014
    Here's a thought- if your friend is as close as it sounds like she is, why not be completely open with her about your feelings? It sounds like you care about her and want to do the right thing, but this guy bothers you and you feel like part of that might be previous hang ups, but maybe not all of it. And tell her you want him to be there for her sake at your wedding but that right now that idea makes you uncomfortable. Then seek her input. Maybe she'll be understanding and not invite him herself for your sake. Maybe she'll invite you to get to know him better so that you can learn what it is she likes about him. But either way I think being honest about how you feel and why you feel that way to her is better than trying to follow some etiquette rule either way.
    On another note even though I have been in serious relationships my entire adult life, it was always exciting and grand to get an invitation addressed to me and my SO. It was never expected and if it hadn't happened I wouldn't have been hurt but mostly that has to do with the fact that every wedding I went to they only knew me- they didn't know, may not have even met or heard of, current SO. And so it actually seemed weird but nice he got an invite. I never felt like my relationship was being validated- it really just felt like they had the money and wanted to be nice and make sure I had someone to hang out with.
    beharrington
  • There is no etiquette that mandates inviting SO's unless they are married. (modern traditions aside)

    It is nice to invite the SO's (especially engaged) of the bridal party if you have space.

    Allowing SOs or +1s for other guests is more complex.  If you have room, it is better to allow a +1 for all single guests, then to cherry pick who can bring one.  You can invite all engaged couples - in which case, don't make her fiancee the exception no matter personal feelings. You can also -not- invite S)s or offer +1s.  This has the added benefit of being more intimate, cheaper, and not having the baggage or risk of people you don't know coming.


  • Amonite said:
    There is no etiquette that mandates inviting SO's unless they are married. (modern traditions aside)

    It is nice to invite the SO's (especially engaged) of the bridal party if you have space.

    Allowing SOs or +1s for other guests is more complex.  If you have room, it is better to allow a +1 for all single guests, then to cherry pick who can bring one.  You can invite all engaged couples - in which case, don't make her fiancee the exception no matter personal feelings. You can also -not- invite S)s or offer +1s.  This has the added benefit of being more intimate, cheaper, and not having the baggage or risk of people you don't know coming.


    Where are you getting this from? Did you make it up? Did you read it in a book, published in 1958? Please, share with us.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Amonite said:
    There is no etiquette that mandates inviting SO's unless they are married. (modern traditions aside)

    I really want to know why people think this is okay.

  • Amonite said:
    There is no etiquette that mandates inviting SO's unless they are married. (modern traditions aside)

    I really want to know why people think this is okay.
    Because they time traveled from 1850 and somehow learned how to use the magic box that connects them to other people?
    My reaction to most everything on the internet today:
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    OP, I have a family member who had a shady past as a young man. He ran with the wrong crowd, got into trouble and did his time.

    Since his release he has worked his butt of to 'prove himself' to people who only see his past. While he may look rough around the edge, he is genuinely a nice and good person now, who learned from his mistakes. He does everything he can to stay away from that old life, but no matter what alot of people will only ever see his past, and he wishes people would take the time to get to know him as he is now instead of assuming he will never change.

    That being said, i know that it's tough , but I urge you to get to know this man ahead of time before making the call on whether or not he's going to be excluded from your life for something that happened a long time ago. He may be a completely different man than the one you have painted in your mind. If this woman is an important aspect in your life, and she's marrying him, then he's going to be around for awhile. Wedding invite or not, I strongly recommend getting to know the man he is now, who may differ greatly from the man you've heard stories about.


    As to the etiquette about inviting SO's, I cant even comprehend this reasoning of having to be engaged, living together or married. Everyone's life situations are different and by making those 'requirements' for invite just seems so judgmental and unfair. My FI and I knew after 2 months we were 'in it for the long haul' but because of work obligations on my FI part he had to live in a remote location for a year and a half of our relationship. This meant we couldn't live together because I could not continue my career if I chose to move to said remote location. Being adults, we made the very tough decision to do long distance. The time and effort that we put into strengthening our relationship though the distance made our relationship way more of a 'social unit' than living together has. I would have been greatly offended if people didnt recognize our relationship as being real enough to warrant an invite.
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  • I've met the guy a couple times. Just from his Facebook, he's still very much connected to the gang banging life, complete with wearing his "blue flag" with pride all the time. Like I said before, I'll likely still invite, but I'm not crazy about it.
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