My Second Rodeo

Knottie80544330

I am a "mature" woman, of a sophisticated age (how's that for delicate language?). This will be my second trip to the alter and it comes after 35 years of being an unmarried woman, as I waited until my children were grown and on their own before I started to date again. I have always believed in a mother having the same last name as her children, especially single female offspring. Just how elaborate a celebration should I plan?

I don't plan on a gown with a cathedral length train, a long veil or even a blusher before the vows are exchanged. I do, however, want a nice, church wedding, perhaps even after five on a Friday evening. Or, is it considered more tasteful to have a morning or afternoon celebration with a wedding breakfast or hors d'voures with cocktails? And, I don't mean to be trite, but is the white or ivory gown out of the question? I just don't want to be chained to wearing a "mother of the bride" dress; I want to feel as beautiful in my 60s as I did in my 20s. This love match experience is much different than my first, because I think that my decision to be with this man is a mature one. I do, in fact, feel like a first time bride. Just how much wedding may I expect?

countrygirl061513

You can have as much of the wedding stuff that you want. It is no longer unacceptable for the bride to wear white for a second or third wedding. You can also have your wedding at any time of day that you want. Since this is the day you will become husband and wife there are no additional rules that you have to follow nor is it any less of a wedding just because you have been married before. Just properly host your guests and everything else will be wonderful.

HisGirlFriday13

Agree that you should have as much of a wedding as you want, and can afford, and as long as you hosts your guests properly, have it whenever you want.

I think white or ivory would be lovely. Find a dress in a flattering cut and fit and rock it!

[Deleted User]

Have however big (or small) a wedding as you want and can afford.  Have all the wedding trappings that are polite to your guests.  Wear white, walk down the aisle, and dance the night away!  Congrats!

goingon10yrs

Congrats!  Enjoy your planning and your day!  

SP29

Go ahead and wear white if you want to! Honestly, how many brides are actually virgins these days? Really. Wear what you want (that is appropriate for the event you will be having). Have the wedding at the day and time you want.

JCbride2015

Yes-- have whatever kind of wedding you want and can afford, just host your guests properly.  Go ahead and wear white if you want!

As for your other comment about the name: don't worry about changing it.  My parents are divorced and my mom recently mentioned she is going back to her maiden name.  It doesn't bother me or my younger sister in the slightest (we are both in our 20s).  Use any name you want: maiden, old married, new married, whatever.

pinkshorts27

SP29 said:

Go ahead and wear white if you want to! Honestly, how many brides are actually virgins these days? Really. Wear what you want (that is appropriate for the event you will be having). Have the wedding at the day and time you want.

SP29 wearing white had nothing to with virginity. It had everything to do with wealth. White dresses were hard to keep white and impractical for the poor. The wealthy wore them as a symbol of their wealth, because either they could afford to buy a dress for a single occasion or they didn't need to do any work that would make the dress impractical. Queen Victoria was the one to really start the trend though.

mysticl

My mom was in a very similar situation though she didn't go that long between marriages. She did wait till I was out of the house. She and my step-dad had a church wedding with family and friends. She opted to wear a light blue suit that was very dressy. Her friends actually had to talk her into that. She wanted a suit she could wear to work (my mom makes being frugal an art form) and they had to convince her to go a little fancy for the wedding. A close friend hosted an afternoon reception at her home for them. They had a Sunday wedding so they worked around the church service schedule. Now that I've said all that, they did what worked for them. You do what works for you. I see nothing wrong with a church wedding or an after five wedding. You want to wear white, go for it. I know someone who has been married 3 times and she wore white every time. Each dress got progressively less fancy but there is no doubt they are wedding dresses and she looked absolutely lovely in each one. ETA: I swear there were paragraphs when I typed this.

SammiNJonni

Wear what you want and have the wedding you want as long s you host your guests properly. The rules of not wearing white or ivory and having a smaller wedding only apply if you want them to.

SomethingBeautiful08

I'll even go one step further and say if someone offers to throw you a bridal shower / bacholorette party and you want to do that, go for it.  I'd register if you wouldn't mind physical gifts / are having a shower, though it will probably be smaller then most first time brides.  Go for it!

NYCMercedes

I think all you really have to do is have fun!

sophhabobopha

Wear white if you want to! This is one of the few times I will say, IT'S YOUR DAY.

Congrats on the new marriage!

[Deleted User]

Have fun planning your wedding, you deserver it after putting your life on hold all those years. OK we all deserver to have fun planning, but basically don't let your age stop you from having the event you want. In regards to color, you can go with white or ivory, I vote go with whatever color goes with your skin tone best. I would probably skip the veil too, but nothing wrong with a beautiful hair accessory. Get whatever style dress you feel comfortable in and looks great on you. If you don't want traditional poofy, don't forget to check out evening gowns. I've seen many beautiful evening gowns that depending on how you accessorize them, could double as a wedding gown. Congrats on finding love!!!

SewInLoveWithDMB

Best wishes on your engagement!

I would suggest making all choices based on what would be "appropriate." That can be difficult to determine at some times and varies from person to person/area to area, but when deciding, just thinking about it.

Personally - a stark white strapless wedding gown would not seem "appropriate." But, ivory or a blush or super light gold - totally fine.  Lace sleeves? Cap sleeves? To me, there are just certain styles and looks that will look "right" and others that will just look "wrong."  

I don't think not changing your name should affect anything. You have every right to change or not to change your name, and how you plan your wedding wouldn't interfere with that. And, in the end, who will really know whether or not your name was legally changed? I have not changed my name, but socially go by "Mrs. HisLastName" and am totally fine with that, but at work and on all documents I kept my maiden name.  It really is no one's decision or business but your own. You can determine how much you want to tell people after the fact. I have seen on here some are adamant about correcting others when they are called "Mrs. HisLastName" while others will happily be called anything. I wouldn't even think about that for now.

Would you like to have your daughters (I presume you have them) as attendants? 

A church wedding sounds lovely. I think choosing the time of day and day of the week depends on budget (some reception venues vary wildly in prices for Fridays vs. Saturday vs. Sunday and luncheon vs. dinner. Also, the amount of alcohol consumed does change from day to night.) Do what works for you, but don't "go wild" if that makes sense? Make your choices in good taste, and you will be fine. 

downtondiva

OP, you have something here that is worth celebrating, so go ahead and celebrate it! There is no reason that you can't wear a white/ivory dress for your second wedding, so find one that makes you look and feel great and enjoy wearing it. Like pretty much everyone else said, as long as you are hosting your guests properly, you should plan whatever kind of wedding feels the most right for you and your future husband. I wish you all the best.