Bridesmaid not getting her dress...?

ginger2431

Back in December, my bridesmaids and I went shopping for bridesmaid dresses together.  We found dresses that fit everyone well, and was under everyone's budget.  I emailed the girls the dress style and color that afternoon, then dropped the subject because they had the information, and don't need me constantly bugging them about it.  The store we found the dresses at said that people needed to order their dresses 8 weeks before the wedding to ensure they would arrive in time, so I sent out an email about two months ago saying the dresses needed to be ordered by June 2nd to make the 8 week cut off.  Flash forward to June 2nd, and one girl still hasn't ordered her dress.  I don't want to pressure her about it, but I texted her and asked if she had ordered her dress, as it's 8 weeks out from the wedding.  She texted me back and said, "No, I haven't yet."  I don't want to push her and annoy her, but I'm not sure the best way to go about asking her when she plans to order it.  How should I handle this situation?  I greatly appreciate any advice.  Thanks!

NYCMercedes

ginger2431 said:

Back in December, my bridesmaids and I went shopping for bridesmaid dresses together.  We found dresses that fit everyone well, and was under everyone's budget.  I emailed the girls the dress style and color that afternoon, then dropped the subject because they had the information, and don't need me constantly bugging them about it.  The store we found the dresses at said that people needed to order their dresses 8 weeks before the wedding to ensure they would arrive in time, so I sent out an email about two months ago saying the dresses needed to be ordered by June 2nd to make the 8 week cut off.  Flash forward to June 2nd, and one girl still hasn't ordered her dress.  I don't want to pressure her about it, but I texted her and asked if she had ordered her dress, as it's 8 weeks out from the wedding.  She texted me back and said, "No, I haven't yet."  I don't want to push her and annoy her, but I'm not sure the best way to go about asking her when she plans to order it.  How should I handle this situation?  I greatly appreciate any advice.  Thanks!

As she has responded to you, she clearly knows what she needs to do. That means you can ask her if she needs help, such as $$$$, and offer to pay for some/all of her dress. Alternatively, you can just let her deal with the consequences of not ordering the dress: she has taken herself out of the wedding. The decision is to yours whether to call her or not.

phira

"Have you ordered your dress yet?" is a question that has a simple yes or no answer. Obviously, "Have you ordered your dress yet?" also carries the not-so-subtle direction: "If not, you need to order it today." You know your bridesmaid better than we do; is she normally a little spacey about hints like that?

Regardless, it's entirely fine and not bridezilla to say, "Thanks for letting me know. The dress needs to be ordered this by week." And you can decide what to do if it's not ordered by the end of the week. Depending on how your conversation with her goes, you might find that she's hit financial issues and the old budget (that was affordable at the time) is no longer her current budget. Maybe she's been putting off telling you that she can't come to the wedding, or that she's not comfortable being in the wedding party anymore. Maybe she's just one of those people who doesn't get around to things.

The thing is, you've been unbelievably (in a good way) chill about the dresses. You got a budget and picked an affordable dress that fit everyone well. You gave bridesmaids the information about the style and color, and didn't bring it up for 4 months. When you did bring it up, it was to give them 2 months notice on a deadline. And when she didn't meet the deadline, she appeared entirely unconcerned that she hadn't ordered it, and gave no explanation.

I wish I had a better script for, "You didn't order the dress so now you're not a bridesmaid," so maybe someone else has a good one.

KPBM89

I only had three of my six girls order by the suggested date.  I sent a group message to everyone just saying, "Hey ladies, just want to make sure everyone has their dress!  DB said the latest to order is XXX or you might have to pay rush fees.  I can't wait to see what you all picked (they picked whatever dress in one color, one length)...I'm sure you'll look fantastic!  If you haven't yet ordered, here's the code to get the $20 off if you want to order online: XXX.  If you need help ordering for whatever reason, just send me a private text and we'll work it out!"  And the rest of the message told them about the rehearsal dinner.

After that, 2 of them ordered theirs a couple weeks later (after the deadline date, but they were waiting to get paid).  My last BM to order is pregnant, but due...TODAY!...so she's going to order her dress once she has her new measurements.  She's fine with buying something off the rack and having it altered, too, which helps with the short time frame.

lbuet348

I had to do this last week. I just sent a text to 2 of my girls and asked- have you ordered your dress yet? And I got the same response- no not yet.

My response was- June 1st is next week so it needs to be ordered soon. I didn't have an issue getting them to buy the dress. One had to wait until payday which is completely understandable.

If I were you I would bring it up again and remind her of the deadline. Tell her that they may add a rush fee if she doesn't order soon, that way it sounds like you are trying to save her some money! Some places will add the fee no matter what if it's within a certain amount of weeks before the wedding.