RSVP issues.....

Wedqueen12

It's 25 days until the wedding and I have yet to figure out a final guest count.

It's really upsetting that some people have yet to send in their RSVP!!!! My grandmother and mother are meeting with the caterers today and we barely have a total count as to how many guests. I'm beginning to regret trying to have such a large affair. It's so much stress. I'm thinking maybe this wedding is not at all what I was hoping for it to be! There's still a lot to do, and I've been so busy working, that I've been too exhausted to even try to get it all done? Does anyone have similar feelings? Advice would be greatly appreciated.

ab6704a

My way of dealing with wedding stress is to make lists to help keep me organized.  It's seems simply, but really, that's been a lifesaver for me.  I'm having a fairly small wedding and I've still wished on multiple occasions that I just eloped because it would have been so much easier.  My wedding is this Saturday and what I can tell you is that all the major things will get done.  If some of the small details don't work out the way you hoped, well it's really no big deal as long as you end up married at the end of the day.  As of yesterday, I found out the flowers I wanted for my bouquet aren't available, I've had 10% of my guest list bail after RSVPing yes (and my catering count is already locked in), and the person who was supposed to house sit and watch our pets during the honeymoon just let us know she can't.  These are disappointments for sure, but they don't really impact my ability to get married so we just have to work around them.

As for the guest count, when is your final count actually due according to your contract?  25 days out seems a little early, usually it's 1 - 2 weeks before they wedding when they absolutely must have that final number.  So if that's the case then wait until your RSVP date and then start making phone calls - it does nothing to stress about it until the RSVP date. We had a rush of people that RSVP'd right after invites went out and then there was  stretch of nothing and we got a huge rush of RSVP's back on the RSVP date. 

Truly, things will come together over the next couple weeks.  And as long as you end up married and your guests are properly hosted you can consider your wedding to be wonderful success.  Best of luck to you!

 

 

TeriBeri06

Similar feelings here! It doesn't help that I've started having dreams about things going wrong. But take a deep breath for starters, it'll be a perfect day regardless of how things go because you get to marry someone pretty amazing right? As far as the RSVP thing, I am gonna sit down this week and make phone calls to the people I have not heard from. Control what you can and don't worry too much about people failing to stick a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope back in their mailbox -_- See if maybe your cater will wait til about 2 weeks out for a final count. and I just read the post before mine...Exactly that lol everything will work out.

     P.S. June 28 is a great date

wabanzi

I actually had an earlier response date for our international guests (FI's family).  I needed it for the hotel blocks.  So many of them did not respond.  In fact I got zero after the invites had been our for 3.5 weeks. But it was still before the response due date, so I just asked my FMiL to casually ask family if they were coming.  My FSiL did the same.  That helped tremendously.  I was able to get a good estimate of the final rooms needed.

Do you have some friends/family you can take in confidence to casually inquire for you?  This might fill in some blanks.

It may also be a breach in etiquette, but I have asked people when I see them.  I do it in a cheery way and remind them that they still have time if they would like to respond more formally.  But honestly, I'll take responses anyway I can get them.

melbenso

What is your RSVP deadline? When do you need to get your final count to your caterer? It's not uncommon to get a large number of RSVPs right at the deadline. If it's more than 3 days after your deadline, start calling people and asking. (Provided it's about a week or two our from your final count day)

We had about 30 people (out of 150) that didn't send an RSVP. We started calling them yesterday. So far we are about half and half for attendance. Most of those who didn't RSVP are FI's guests (only 2 were mine) so he gets to do most of the calling.

MollyandD

My deadline was over the weekend, and I still have a lot if people not responding. I also have 25 days to go. The RSVP was so early, because I had to give the venue the count by 4 weeks away. It would have been nice to have everyone respond on time so I could have called the venue today or yesterday and moved to a lower cost.

CheleLyn

wabanzi said:

I actually had an earlier response date for our international guests (FI's family).  I needed it for the hotel blocks.  So many of them did not respond.  In fact I got zero after the invites had been our for 3.5 weeks. But it was still before the response due date, so I just asked my FMiL to casually ask family if they were coming.  My FSiL did the same.  That helped tremendously.  I was able to get a good estimate of the final rooms needed.

Do you have some friends/family you can take in confidence to casually inquire for you?  This might fill in some blanks.

It may also be a breach in etiquette, but I have asked people when I see them.  I do it in a cheery way and remind them that they still have time if they would like to respond more formally.  But honestly, I'll take responses anyway I can get t

***Stuck in the box***

The bolded....after realizing how terrible a lot of people are about returning rsvp's, That's what I've done. One even yesterday texted me to tell me she was putting hers in the mail right then (deadline was the June 1), but I told her considering I took her reservation at work, I had just assumed she was coming LOL

I'm still missing some, but the ones who've yet to respond, I'm just going to assume they're coming...better safe than sorry.

edited because it's morning and im only  on my first cup of coffee 

Chloeagh

How bad have everyone's been. Our RSVPs were due on the 9th, and SO many people never responded. A lot of aunts and uncles told us for their kids, and some people who are involved in the wedding never responded, but it's ridiculous! I spent the money to provide you with an addressed and stamped card and you can't drop it in the mail?

FI's family is the worst. Right now, I'm just waiting to hear back from two friends, but he hasn't heard from 3 cousins and 3 uncles. Clueless men? Maybe that's a bit stereotypical, but it would explain the majority of the lack of responses. But by that logic the wife of one of the missing RSVPs should have sent it in!

We still have a week before we give numbers to the caterer, and it's FI's family that needs to deal with it. But really? Some of you people are out of town. I know you know by now if you'll be there!

ahyatt87

I only ended up with three late responses: two of whom did not end up coming and one of whom was just tardy with getting it in the mail (we received it one week late). The two who did not reply and did not end up coming had to be tracked down via email/phone calls/text messages and it took several attempts to get them to just say "no". Both were single men whom DH invited, so he had to handle it.

melbenso

We probably had 15 invitations out of 70 or so that weren't mailed back to us.  It did drive me a little crazy that I paid to put stamps on those RSVPs and people would call me instead.  But not nearly as much as the people who didn't bother to tell me one way or another.  We only had one that we never got a hold of, and I just texted him and told him that if I hadn't heard from him by (last) Monday, I was assuming he wasn't coming. 

But now the calls have been made and everyone has been accounted for.  One person told FMIL she is coming (FMIL's sister) but never gave us a meal choice.  Per FMIL and FI's instructions, I am just picking one for her.  If she doesn't want to eat it, tough.

amakayeb

We still have 11 (out of about 120) that we haven't heard back from. Another 5 or so we already tracked down (in person or text or phone call). Our RSVP date was LAST Saturday, but for the last week my mail was being forwarded to my parents house, as I am up here for the wedding.

FMIL said that a lot of people around here just do "regrets only" and that's probably why people didn't send them back. Which is just silly! I still need to know if both people are coming, or just one, or what! Pop it in the mail, for goodness' sake...

(Although I didn't blame our 2 international invites for not sending them back...I forgot to put the correct stamps on the RSVP envelopes...)