Humongous guestlist

theycallmelinz

I didn't see a more appropriate place to post this, and this is my first post ever on here, so here goes

I'm catching huge slack on my guest list. I'm at 267 people right now, and I haven't gotten all of my fiance's family on there yet. A few things to note:

1. About 200 of those 267 are my family. If it wouldn't hurt my father's feelings, I'd quickly cut that list in half, but I love him and would never want to hurt him by implying his family isn't as important (that's been a long family battle).

2. Unfortunately, I care a lot about hurting people's feelings by not inviting them.

3. My budget is pretty small. My fiance and I are having to chip in (against my dad's wishes) because the amount he and my mom are able to give for the wedding may just cover the catering for so many guests and the venue.

4. I'm so over people asking how many people are on our guest list (friends, not vendors) and then when I tell them, I get the response, "Holy #$@ why so many people!??!" Uh, not my idea kid.

5. Our wedding party is HUGE. Again, not my idea but don't even get me started on that. 

I'm basically looking for support so I don't call this whole thing off and elope.

AprilH81

((hugs)) If you want to trim expenses and not cut the guest list you do have a few options... 1) Have the wedding at a non meal time and only serve cake & punch and light snacks. 2) Have a brunch or lunch wedding (usually less expensive) Along with those options you can cut back on flowers, rental items, decor, etc. to stretch your budget. That many people means a lot of tables, so don't rent specialty linens/chairs and have less extravagant centerpieces. Your wedding party is one of the things that you and your FI have COMPLETE CONTROL over, no matter who is paying for all or part of your wedding. You can't cut people if you have already asked them, but if you haven't feel free to have a smaller wedding party.

Simky906

1/2 I get that you're worried about hurting people's feelings and cutting your dad's family, but I think you're going to have to. 200 guests on your side vs 67 for FI? That doesn't exactly seem fair to me, especially since that's not including his whole family. Talk your dad and let him know that you have to invite FI's favorite cousin over great aunt Mary who you haven't seen in five years. This goes into

 3. Use the budget to explain your guest list choices; you only have so much money so you cannot invite absolutely everyone that you would like. Because unless you're willing to postpone the wedding to save more money for it, it seems like you'll have to cut the list. You could also cut it waaay down and have an intimate family only wedding- just parents and siblings. 

4. Stop telling people how many folks are invited. It's not their business. When they ask, tell them you haven't finalized the list yet.

 5. Have you already asked everyone in your wedding party? Because if you haven't, you really don't have to have eight bajillion people stand up for you.

JaniV123

My best suggestion is to sit down with your FI and whoever else is paying and decide what your budget can afford. If that mean cutting the guest list to 130 ppl then thatis what you have to do. It will be with great regeret, but dont burden yourself unnecessarily. Its hard whe. Most people are family but try to limit those family memeber to the truly essential one who have always been there.

jenna8984

Find out if your dad even cares who gets invited from his side. Parent's make a big deal at first about "not hurting people's feelings" but once I told my dad the per person cost he realized it was silly and that there was no need to pay $xx extra on people that we never see just because they happen to be related. Your dad might feel the same way, if he's generously giving you money towards the wedding he may want to stretch that budget as far as possible so that you don't have to chip in. He may not want to "waste" half the budget on people he doesn't really need there.

P.S. Care less about people's feelings. If they are in your life, cool, invite them. If they aren't in your life, you won't care if they are mad or offended by you. My uncles have never spoken to me or been a part of my life so I doubt they care to be invited, and if they are offended I don't know them so I don't give a crap lol.

phira

I think you need to sit down with your fiance and figure out:

1) What you two want your wedding to be like and

2) If you can--just the two of you--afford to pull it off

I understand not wanting to hurt your family's feelings, but the language you're using is really worrisome here. Your wedding party is huge ... because you're being forced to have a big wedding party? You must invite over a hundred people you don't want to invite?

I mean, I'm failing to see how, "Calling it off and eloping" isn't the best option here. It's better to elope than to go through all this effort to have a wedding that you don't even want.

JaniV123

I second what jenna said about the people actually being in your life. My guest list is "big" because what I consider immediate family (those whom I see all year round and who we spend the holidays with etc) include my second cousins, and that brings up my part of the family up to almost 70 people. If some or most of these people you havent seen or spoken to in forever and they are not with you and your FI often then they can be cut out. 

NYCMercedes

"My fiance are having to chip in (against my dad's wishes)...." Slow your roll. Choose a less expensive menu, a less expensive time do day, or a less expensive venue. You have options.

LDay2014

lynzesgettingmarried said:

I didn't see a more appropriate place to post this, and this is my first post ever on here, so here goes

I'm catching huge slack on my guest list. I'm at 267 people right now, and I haven't gotten all of my fiance's family on there yet. A few things to note:

1. About 200 of those 267 are my family. If it wouldn't hurt my father's feelings, I'd quickly cut that list in half, but I love him and would never want to hurt him by implying his family isn't as important (that's been a long family battle).

2. Unfortunately, I care a lot about hurting people's feelings by not inviting them.

3. My budget is pretty small. My fiance and I are having to chip in (against my dad's wishes) because the amount he and my mom are able to give for the wedding may just cover the catering for so many guests and the venue.

4. I'm so over people asking how many people are on our guest list (friends, not vendors) and then when I tell them, I get the response, "Holy #$@ why so many people!??!" Uh, not my idea kid.

5. Our wedding party is HUGE. Again, not my idea but don't even get me started on that. 

I'm basically looking for support so I don't call this whole thing off and elope.

If it's against your dad's wishes that you 'have' to pitch in in order to accomodate HIS side of the family then dad needs a bit of a reality check here.  This is YOUR and FI's wedding, not an opportunity for your parents to show off, if you're not going to be able to have the wedding that you are comfortable with then it may be time to re-evaluate the priorities here.  

I like what a lot of the other posters have said, and I think it might be time to sit down with FI and really look at what YOU two want for your own wedding.

theartistformerlyknownas

An important thing to consider is who is YOUR family versus your dad's family. They're not the same thing. I would come up with a number of "degrees of separation" that you're comfortable with (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents?) and sit down with your parents and tell them why it's important that you drew the line where you did. Maybe that means Dad's cousins don't make the cut, but you'll have more quality time to spend with those you consider YOUR family. You all have to agree on it though, since your parents are paying. But stop thinking about whose feelings may get hurt (if Great Aunt Gertrude isn't paying, she doesn't get a say) and think about who YOU love and feel supported by and want there celebrating with you. This isn't a family reunion.

CMGragain

1.  Write down your guest list.
2.  Look at your budget.
3.  Decide what you can afford to feed these people.  This will determine what time of day you have your wedding.  A morning ceremony followed by a brunch reception costs half of what a dinner ceremony costs.  Even less expensive is an afternoon ceremony with a huge cake and punch reception.  Hire a string quartet if you want to really impress people.

If your current budget and venue cannot accommodate your guest list, then you must change your plans or cut your guest list.  One or the other!

jenndeirdre

My fiancé could easily invite over 200 for his side, but that wouldn't be feasible with costs. We are looking at about 125, 40 for my side(and coming up with that many was hard for me!) but, his niece has decided to do a cold plate meal so she could accommodate over 200 people. I'd be looking at what you want your budget and research the different ways to cut/change to make it work.

theycallmelinz

Thank you all so much for your comments and support. I talked with my FI tonight and we agreed on a plan to cut our guest list way down, which includes telling my dad how much each guest will potentially cost which should make him much more agreeable to not inviting our 5th cousins whose names I can barely recall