Officiant wants to move start time - UPDATED

jules3964

So annoying. I just got a message from our officiant. Apparently he has a previous engagement before our wedding, and he wants to move the ceremony start time forward by 15 minutes (from 4:30 to 4:45) to give himself extra time to get to our venue. He claims that a 4:30 wedding would usually start around 5:00 anyway, but he didn't want to bank on that so he thought he would ask. Umm, yeah -- I guess I'm glad he asked, because our 4:30 start time actually meant starting at 4:30.

Am I overreacting by being very annoyed by this? I guess I'm concerned that it would be weird to have a 4:45 start time on the invitations. For some reason that bothers me. And I don't want to put 4:30 on the invites and start 15 minutes late; I feel that would be rude. 

It's probably illogical, but I really wanted to start at 4:30. I figured that out as the perfect timing with photos, sunset times, and everything else (so I definitely don't want to push it all the way to 5:00). But now I feel like if we don't move the time to accommodate him, we risk our officiant being late. What would you guys do?

RebeccaB88

I would tell him that the wedding was starting promptly at 4:30, and if he's unable to make the contracted time, then you will need to find a new officiant.

Yeah, he doesn't get to decide your start time. Either he's can be there or he can't.

ashley8918

RebeccaB88 said:

I would tell him that the wedding was starting promptly at 4:30, and if he's unable to make the contracted time, then you will need to find a new officiant.

Yeah, he doesn't get to decide your start time. Either he's can be there or he can't.

I agree. While I don't see any major issue with a 4:45 start time, he absolutely doesn't get to decide that. 

 Do you have a contract with him? Does it state the start time? Did you pay a deposit? 

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, he has broken the contract and you are entitled to your deposit back. And if this were me, I would be pretty offput by this. I would take the deposit back and find a new officiant. He shouldn't have overbooked and he definitely shouldn't be so rude as to dictate your plans when you have already agreed upon something else.

jules3964

ashley8918 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

I would tell him that the wedding was starting promptly at 4:30, and if he's unable to make the contracted time, then you will need to find a new officiant.

Yeah, he doesn't get to decide your start time. Either he's can be there or he can't.

I agree. While I don't see any major issue with a 4:45 start time, he absolutely doesn't get to decide that. 

 Do you have a contract with him? Does it state the start time? Did you pay a deposit? 

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, he has broken the contract and you are entitled to your deposit back. And if this were me, I would be pretty offput by this. I would take the deposit back and find a new officiant. He shouldn't have overbooked and he definitely shouldn't be so rude as to dictate your plans when you have already agreed upon something else.

Yeah, I'm REALLY feeling like this is very unprofessional. Unfortunately, we don't have a contract, just a written agreement by email. But we did send him a deposit. Ugh, now I'm really regretting that we didn't insist on a contract.

I'm also worried about finding a new officiant, though. We're getting married in a remote area, and when we were looking 3 months ago a lot of people we contacted were already booked

mrscaty

jules3964 said:

ashley8918 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

I would tell him that the wedding was starting promptly at 4:30, and if he's unable to make the contracted time, then you will need to find a new officiant.

Yeah, he doesn't get to decide your start time. Either he's can be there or he can't.

I agree. While I don't see any major issue with a 4:45 start time, he absolutely doesn't get to decide that. 

 Do you have a contract with him? Does it state the start time? Did you pay a deposit? 

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, he has broken the contract and you are entitled to your deposit back. And if this were me, I would be pretty offput by this. I would take the deposit back and find a new officiant. He shouldn't have overbooked and he definitely shouldn't be so rude as to dictate your plans when you have already agreed upon something else.

Yeah, I'm REALLY feeling like this is very unprofessional. Unfortunately, we don't have a contract, just a written agreement by email. But we did send him a deposit. Ugh, now I'm really regretting that we didn't insist on a contract.

I'm also worried about finding a new officiant, though. We're getting married in a remote area, and when we were looking 3 months ago a lot of people we contacted were already booked

This IS legally binding - it's considered a contract and you could get your money back if you insist on keeping the time and he backs out. (my FH took a course in contract law and I ran it by him). You shouldn't have to change your plans due to his lack of planning. Best of luck!!

ashley8918

jules3964 said:

ashley8918 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

I would tell him that the wedding was starting promptly at 4:30, and if he's unable to make the contracted time, then you will need to find a new officiant.

Yeah, he doesn't get to decide your start time. Either he's can be there or he can't.

I agree. While I don't see any major issue with a 4:45 start time, he absolutely doesn't get to decide that. 

 Do you have a contract with him? Does it state the start time? Did you pay a deposit? 

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, he has broken the contract and you are entitled to your deposit back. And if this were me, I would be pretty offput by this. I would take the deposit back and find a new officiant. He shouldn't have overbooked and he definitely shouldn't be so rude as to dictate your plans when you have already agreed upon something else.

Yeah, I'm REALLY feeling like this is very unprofessional. Unfortunately, we don't have a contract, just a written agreement by email. But we did send him a deposit. Ugh, now I'm really regretting that we didn't insist on a contract.

I'm also worried about finding a new officiant, though. We're getting married in a remote area, and when we were looking 3 months ago a lot of people we contacted were already booked

Oh no. That's a tough situation. How far out are you from your wedding? Also, If you do end up not using him, an email agreement is better than nothing. Not admissible in court but you may be able to get your deposit back if he isn't a complete jerk.

jules3964

ashley8918 said:

Oh no. That's a tough situation. How far out are you from your wedding? Also, If you do end up not using him, an email agreement is better than nothing. Not admissible in court but you may be able to get your deposit back if he isn't a complete jerk.

Our wedding is October 4th, so we still have some time -- just makes me nervous. Makes me more nervous thinking about him being late to the wedding, though! 

Also, shouldn't he be planning to get there before the wedding start time anyway? Sheesh.

larrygaga

If it were me, I would get a new officiant. If you don't budge on your time you risk him being late. Even if he says he thinks he could make it he might be late. He was already planning on being late.

lc07

Our officiant took multiple weddings per day but she scheduled it so that she could arrive at each wedding 30 minutes in advance of the start time, accounting for some traffic. I agree with the PPs. Get your money back and find someone new.

jules3964

UPDATE: 

Well, we emailed our officiant back, basically saying that our wedding will start promptly at 4:30, and we would feel more comfortable going with someone who could commit to being on time -- and arrive plenty early, at that. 

So now he's backtracking in his response, saying that we "misunderstood" -- that he was planning to get to our venue early, but just wanted to give himself even more of a buffer. This doesn't really make sense to me, since his reasons for wanting the extra 15 minutes included "wanting an extra buffer of time to get there safely." Well, why would he have to rush if he was already planning to be there early anyway? I feel like this is his way of explaining how he won't have to give us our deposit back.

Either we totally overreacted, or he's completely backtracking. Either way, things just seem really tainted now. We're leaning towards going with someone else, and just eat the deposit if we have to.

smalfrie19

jules3964 said:

UPDATE: 

Well, we emailed our officiant back, basically saying that our wedding will start promptly at 4:30, and we would feel more comfortable going with someone who could commit to being on time -- and arrive plenty early, at that. 

So now he's backtracking in his response, saying that we "misunderstood" -- that he was planning to get to our venue early, but just wanted to give himself even more of a buffer. This doesn't really make sense to me, since his reasons for wanting the extra 15 minutes included "wanting an extra buffer of time to get there safely." Well, why would he have to rush if he was already planning to be there early anyway? I feel like this is his way of explaining how he won't have to give us our deposit back.

Either we totally overreacted, or he's completely backtracking. Either way, things just seem really tainted now. We're leaning towards going with someone else, and just eat the deposit if we have to.

Have you looked into the laws of your state and possibly having a friend or family member get ordained and marry you?

daria24

Susannah Conn said:

If you are looking for an officiant who will write a personalized ceremony with your ideal day in mind please write me at susconn@gmail.com

I have very reasonable and competitive rates and over ten years of experience.

Susannah Conn-Thomas

Oh look a vendor @KnotPorscha. 

mrsmagicgeek

Yeah, I'd think about getting a new officiant if you can find one.

I sure hope ours isn't late, as he's piloting the balloon!