Seriously, can people just RSVP already? *vent*

huskypuppy14

kitty8403 said:

Look. It's not fair to tell brides, "it's never appropriate to set your RSVP date more than 2-3 weeks out" and at the same time say, "well if people you can't control are running late and making you feel rushed/scramble to take care of everything, then it's your own fault." 

I set my RSVP deadline at 4 week out. I know some feel that is too early, but I feel that is the absolute earliest you should go. 

At 3 weeks out I called or had FMIL contact the few people that hadn't responded yet. I was lucky that it was only a few people. Honestly, the majority of people responded right away. The majority of the people we've invited are married, so I feel like they all know how it is.

However, you can't be annoyed at people who aren't even late yet. If you wanted more time, you should have set your RSVP date a week earlier. When I was single, and was invited with a guest I always waited until the last minute in case I got a date. 

Also, I have never received an invitation to a wedding at only 6 weeks out. It's usually 8-10 weeks before the wedding.  I know people on here say 6-8 weeks, but I've never seen the 6 week side.

 I sent my invitations at 10 weeks, more so because our room block technically expired 45 days before the wedding.

kitty8403

scribe95 said:

My only issue is she clearly saved too much to do at the end. That is causing her frustration and concern. 

This is a (mostly) fair point, @scribe95. I'm more behind than I planned to be because of last-minute budget changes and then losing more than one vendor all of a sudden. Things I thought had been taken care of months ago weren't, and it's fallen to me to pick up the slack. No, I'm not especially overjoyed and like I said, I'm having a lousy-ass day anyway. And we are expecting houseguests, and have a lot going on with work, so it's really a tight timeframe.

kitty8403

STARMOON44 said:

It isn't rude!!! They are not being rude!!!!!! If you want to rant about them missing the deadline fine. But for now they haven't so they have done absolutely nothing rude. That's what you're not getting.

--SIB---
Trying to avoid an argument -- I think maybe we have a different interpretation of what a deadline implies. To me, getting a deadline does not mean "wait till the last second and then hope people work around me." It means, "this is the last day that someone can reasonably be expected to accommodate me." From that perspective, waiting when you have no real reason to wait, because you think you can, is just an obnoxious attitude. I don't "get" why someone would think that is ok. If you care about somebody, you make a point to try to reach out, somehow.
But you're right that nobody has missed anything yet. Maybe I'm getting worried too soon. At the same time, I guess I kind of feel like, "If you can't make any sort of effort to talk to me sometime in an entire two-week period, how much difference will one more week really make?" 

RebeccaFlower

Please re-read your responses and tell me you don't sound worked up. 

NYCMercedes

Everyone has a bad day and I think, everyone needs to vent/rant a little every now and then. I hope things look better tomorrow for you.

Viczaesar

kitty8403 said:

STARMOON44 said:

It isn't rude!!! They are not being rude!!!!!! If you want to rant about them missing the deadline fine. But for now they haven't so they have done absolutely nothing rude. That's what you're not getting.

--SIB---
Trying to avoid an argument -- I think maybe we have a different interpretation of what a deadline implies. To me, getting a deadline does not mean "wait till the last second and then hope people work around me." It means, "this is the last day that someone can reasonably be expected to accommodate me." From that perspective, waiting when you have no real reason to wait, because you think you can, is just an obnoxious attitude. I don't "get" why someone would think that is ok. If you care about somebody, you make a point to try to reach out, somehow.
But you're right that nobody has missed anything yet. Maybe I'm getting worried too soon. At the same time, I guess I kind of feel like, "If you can't make any sort of effort to talk to me sometime in an entire two-week period, how much difference will one more week really make?" 

I would never contact the host of an event 2  weeks before the deadline and say "I'm still trying to see if I can go to your party."  That's a bizarre expectation.  They don't owe you a response before the deadline, period.  They are not being rude for not contacting you within 2 weeks of receiving your invitation and before the response is due.  If you set X as your due date, I have up to X to decide how to respond.  When I set a deadline for a paper, my students always have the option of turning in their paper early, but 99% of them wait til the day it's due.  That's normal and expected, not aberrant behavior.

amakayeb

PDKH said:

My deadline is Saturday. About 1/3 of our RSVPs haven't come in. People just procrastinate. 

I'm in exactly the same boat...

(Although, almost all of the ones we have not gotten yet are from his side. There are just a few people from my hometown that haven't sent theirs back. And my grandparents, but I know they are coming! I may have teased fiance about that a little bit...)

wrigleyville

kitty8403 said:

I never get this complaint. You gave them a deadline. There is nothing wrong with them using the time available. Your wedding is not their priority. Calm down. If you haven't heard 3 days post-deadline then you can be annoyed.

I know we gave a very standard deadline. But the rest of us have deadlines, too. That's what makes this so frustrating. I hate this last-minute BS. If you've had six months' notice, you can pick up the damn phone and say, "we are trying to come" or "we have no intention of going." In a perfect world, it would be socially acceptable to ask for at least a month's notice (I'm not even worried about total yeses yet. Just want a "definite maybe" or "definite no." Just tell me who NOT to plan for.) Right now I don't know whether we're trying to accommodate 100 or 300 yet. That's an enormous difference, budget wise. FFS, don't make me shell out five hundred bucks for a party tent if we aren't even going to need it.

The point is that people might not know that yet.

Also, "we are trying to come" can become a "no" later on, so you can't plan on that, just like you can't plan on someone saying "no" five months beforehand as a definite "no", because their plans could change.

I told my cousin I couldn't make it to his wedding when he sent the STD. Shortly after that, I was able to get the time off work. I never received an invitation, though. I was hurt. It turned out he counted me as a "no" because I gave him a preliminary answer.

Never count people as "yes" or "no" until the official RSVP is in hand.