Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Cake Cutting without feeding each other?

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Re: Cake Cutting without feeding each other?

  • Jen4948 said:
    @ashley8918, what we told you all along is that no "cake-cutting" is necessary at all.

    Just don't try to make a "ceremony" of feeding your kids cake instead of eating it yourself.  If you don't want to feed yourselves cake, then skip the cake-cutting altogether as you indicate you plan to do!
    Yes, I do possess reading comprehension skills. I realize that it's not necessary. But it also isn't necessary to skip the cutting just because we don't want to feed each other.

    In fact, I have indicated that I will NOT be skipping it all together. Just the weird feeding part.
  • When my step-mom and dad got married they didn't want to do the feeding each other thing because they both said it felt weird to feed each other food. So they cut the first slice, but it on a plate and handed it to me and my brothers (step-mom's sons) to devour (and we did). I don't think there was any kind of meaning, someone had to take the first slice of cake so they figured it might as well go to us.

    I'd find it weird to see you feeding a bite of cake to your kids, only because I'd find it weird to be feeding your kids a bite of anything at their ages. They seem old enough to feed themselves in general. But maybe you could hand off the first slice to the kids to enjoy? 

    My step-mom and my dad had us kids involved in the wedding here and there, I was older then my brothers so I got to do more stuff. They didn't do a FG or RB, or instead we did an Irish Blessing (well I read it, they stood beside me), my step-mom bought me a special necklace with both of our birth stones in it, and after their first dance the brought us out on the dance floor to do a father/daughter dance and a mother/sons dance. Which was fun. I always like dancing with my dad. He never steps on my feet. I've always liked that they involved us in their wedding. Of course I always the only kid happy to have divorced parents (love both my parents, they're great friends, they should never have gotten married it was a terrible idea), so maybe I'm just a weirdo.
  • MagicInk said:
    When my step-mom and dad got married they didn't want to do the feeding each other thing because they both said it felt weird to feed each other food. So they cut the first slice, but it on a plate and handed it to me and my brothers (step-mom's sons) to devour (and we did). I don't think there was any kind of meaning, someone had to take the first slice of cake so they figured it might as well go to us.

    I'd find it weird to see you feeding a bite of cake to your kids, only because I'd find it weird to be feeding your kids a bite of anything at their ages. They seem old enough to feed themselves in general. But maybe you could hand off the first slice to the kids to enjoy? 

    My step-mom and my dad had us kids involved in the wedding here and there, I was older then my brothers so I got to do more stuff. They didn't do a FG or RB, or instead we did an Irish Blessing (well I read it, they stood beside me), my step-mom bought me a special necklace with both of our birth stones in it, and after their first dance the brought us out on the dance floor to do a father/daughter dance and a mother/sons dance. Which was fun. I always like dancing with my dad. He never steps on my feet. I've always liked that they involved us in their wedding. Of course I always the only kid happy to have divorced parents (love both my parents, they're great friends, they should never have gotten married it was a terrible idea), so maybe I'm just a weirdo.
    To the bolded: Oh yeah, this seems way less weird!

    I agree that I think it's great to involve kids in the wedding. The intense hatred of it going on here really baffles me. They will definitely be involved in the mother/son, father/daughter dance stuff and they will totally LOVE IT.

    I think my son is actually more excited about the wedding than most. He is ecstatic that he will be getting FIs last name (He doesn't really get that this won't happen immediately after the wedding, but whatever. It's adorable).
  • This is a big deal over nothing. Do what you want. The actual cutting of your cake will take about 10 seconds, during your wedding reception. I would think it was weird that you didn't serve each other, yet you served your children. 


                       
  • This is a big deal over nothing. Do what you want. The actual cutting of your cake will take about 10 seconds, during your wedding reception. I would think it was weird that you didn't serve each other, yet you served your children. 
    I don't think it's a big deal at all. It is a question that has since received an answer.
  • MagicInk said:
    When my step-mom and dad got married they didn't want to do the feeding each other thing because they both said it felt weird to feed each other food. So they cut the first slice, but it on a plate and handed it to me and my brothers (step-mom's sons) to devour (and we did). I don't think there was any kind of meaning, someone had to take the first slice of cake so they figured it might as well go to us.

    I'd find it weird to see you feeding a bite of cake to your kids, only because I'd find it weird to be feeding your kids a bite of anything at their ages. They seem old enough to feed themselves in general. But maybe you could hand off the first slice to the kids to enjoy? 

    My step-mom and my dad had us kids involved in the wedding here and there, I was older then my brothers so I got to do more stuff. They didn't do a FG or RB, or instead we did an Irish Blessing (well I read it, they stood beside me), my step-mom bought me a special necklace with both of our birth stones in it, and after their first dance the brought us out on the dance floor to do a father/daughter dance and a mother/sons dance. Which was fun. I always like dancing with my dad. He never steps on my feet. I've always liked that they involved us in their wedding. Of course I always the only kid happy to have divorced parents (love both my parents, they're great friends, they should never have gotten married it was a terrible idea), so maybe I'm just a weirdo.
    To the bolded: Oh yeah, this seems way less weird!

    I agree that I think it's great to involve kids in the wedding. The intense hatred of it going on here really baffles me. They will definitely be involved in the mother/son, father/daughter dance stuff and they will totally LOVE IT.

    I think my son is actually more excited about the wedding than most. He is ecstatic that he will be getting FIs last name (He doesn't really get that this won't happen immediately after the wedding, but whatever. It's adorable).
    I think it does depend on the family dynamics. Some kids are upset about their parents' divorce, or resent their new step-parent, and are in general not thrilled at about the wedding. In those situations, I see not having kids involved. And kids should always get a say in what they do and don't do when it comes to weddings. All kids. FSIL is 7 and is going to be our flower girl. We talked about it with her and asked her if she wanted to be in the wedding. Because she is a human person allowed to have her own desires in life and if she doesn't want to be in our wedding that's fine. She does want in, especially when she heard she'd get a new dress.

    But not every kids resents their new step-parent. I love my mom, we have an awesome relationship, she's fantastic. But the same is true of my step-mom. She's very important in my life and I'm very important in her's. It's a good dynamic in my family. So of course I wanted to be involved in her wedding, the only thing I didn't want to do was wear a dress. So she didn't make me wear a dress. And she's involved in my wedding. Because she's my step-mom, not just my dad's wife. And that's our family dynamic. 

  • MagicInk said:
    When my step-mom and dad got married they didn't want to do the feeding each other thing because they both said it felt weird to feed each other food. So they cut the first slice, but it on a plate and handed it to me and my brothers (step-mom's sons) to devour (and we did). I don't think there was any kind of meaning, someone had to take the first slice of cake so they figured it might as well go to us.

    I'd find it weird to see you feeding a bite of cake to your kids, only because I'd find it weird to be feeding your kids a bite of anything at their ages. They seem old enough to feed themselves in general. But maybe you could hand off the first slice to the kids to enjoy? 

    My step-mom and my dad had us kids involved in the wedding here and there, I was older then my brothers so I got to do more stuff. They didn't do a FG or RB, or instead we did an Irish Blessing (well I read it, they stood beside me), my step-mom bought me a special necklace with both of our birth stones in it, and after their first dance the brought us out on the dance floor to do a father/daughter dance and a mother/sons dance. Which was fun. I always like dancing with my dad. He never steps on my feet. I've always liked that they involved us in their wedding. Of course I always the only kid happy to have divorced parents (love both my parents, they're great friends, they should never have gotten married it was a terrible idea), so maybe I'm just a weirdo.
    To the bolded: Oh yeah, this seems way less weird!

    I agree that I think it's great to involve kids in the wedding. The intense hatred of it going on here really baffles me. They will definitely be involved in the mother/son, father/daughter dance stuff and they will totally LOVE IT.

    I think my son is actually more excited about the wedding than most. He is ecstatic that he will be getting FIs last name (He doesn't really get that this won't happen immediately after the wedding, but whatever. It's adorable).
    Traditionally these dances are for the bride and her father and the groom and his mother.  So if you guys are dancing with the kids instead you may have some people wondering what is going on. If you want to do spotlight dances with them just don't call it anything specific.

    The hatred is that you get a lot of people coming on here who want to vow to be a parent to their FI's kids forever and that they are now the kid's new mommy or daddy and have the child participate in some sort of ceremony that cements them as a family unit……without considering how the child feels or the fact that the child does have another parent.  Also, those vows aren't real. If something happens to the marriage that person that vowed to be a parent forever is most likely gone.  Some stay in contact but it often doesn't work out.  Your FI is planning to legally adopt them so that makes his role a little more permanent.  
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    @mysticl said: Traditionally these dances are for the bride and her father and the groom and his mother.  So if you guys are dancing with the kids instead you may have some people wondering what is going on. If you want to do spotlight dances with them just don't call it anything specific.The hatred is that you get a lot of people coming on here who want to vow to be a parent to their FI's kids forever and that they are now the kid's new mommy or daddy and have the child participate in some sort of ceremony that cements them as a family unit……without considering how the child feels or the fact that the child does have another parent.  Also, those vows aren't real. If something happens to the marriage that person that vowed to be a parent forever is most likely gone.  Some stay in contact but it often doesn't work out.  Your FI is planning to legally adopt them so that makes his role a little more permanent.  

    Eh, I dont agree on this one. I don't have a father (never met him and don't care to), and I feel like I can dance with anyone I choose. That being said, we are not dancing with the kids 
    instead. FI will dance with him mom, and then halfway through all mothers and sons will be invited out. I will dance with my son at that time. Same thing during the "father/daughter" dance (I will dance with my uncle, who is also walkign me down the aisle). 

    The bolded is HORRIBLE and makes me feel gross just thinking about it. I forget that our family situation is not exactly typical. The kids' bio-dad is a piece of shit and has never been around, so they literally only know FI as dad. He has raised them both (my daughter was under a year old and my son was 2 when we started dating).

    ETF - I guess I cant have quote boxes? Sorry that this is so annoying to decipher.
  • @mysticl said: Traditionally these dances are for the bride and her father and the groom and his mother.  So if you guys are dancing with the kids instead you may have some people wondering what is going on. If you want to do spotlight dances with them just don't call it anything specific.
    The hatred is that you get a lot of people coming on here who want to vow to be a parent to their FI's kids forever and that they are now the kid's new mommy or daddy and have the child participate in some sort of ceremony that cements them as a family unit……without considering how the child feels or the fact that the child does have another parent.  Also, those vows aren't real. If something happens to the marriage that person that vowed to be a parent forever is most likely gone.  Some stay in contact but it often doesn't work out.  Your FI is planning to legally adopt them so that makes his role a little more permanent.  


    Eh, I dont agree on this one. I don't have a father (never met him and don't care to), and I feel like I can dance with anyone I choose. That being said, we are not dancing with the kids instead. FI will dance with him mom, and then halfway through all mothers and sons will be invited out. I will dance with my son at that time. Same thing during the "father/daughter" dance (I will dance with my uncle, who is also walkign me down the aisle). 

    The bolded is HORRIBLE and makes me feel gross just thinking about it. I forget that our family situation is not exactly typical. The kids' bio-dad is a piece of shit and has never been around, so they literally only know FI as dad. He has raised them both (my daughter was under a year old and my son was 2 when we started dating).

    ETF - I guess I cant have quote boxes? Sorry that this is so annoying to decipher.
    Now that sounds really cool.  
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  • MagicInk said:
    When my step-mom and dad got married they didn't want to do the feeding each other thing because they both said it felt weird to feed each other food. So they cut the first slice, but it on a plate and handed it to me and my brothers (step-mom's sons) to devour (and we did). I don't think there was any kind of meaning, someone had to take the first slice of cake so they figured it might as well go to us.

    I'd find it weird to see you feeding a bite of cake to your kids, only because I'd find it weird to be feeding your kids a bite of anything at their ages. They seem old enough to feed themselves in general. But maybe you could hand off the first slice to the kids to enjoy? 

    My step-mom and my dad had us kids involved in the wedding here and there, I was older then my brothers so I got to do more stuff. They didn't do a FG or RB, or instead we did an Irish Blessing (well I read it, they stood beside me), my step-mom bought me a special necklace with both of our birth stones in it, and after their first dance the brought us out on the dance floor to do a father/daughter dance and a mother/sons dance. Which was fun. I always like dancing with my dad. He never steps on my feet. I've always liked that they involved us in their wedding. Of course I always the only kid happy to have divorced parents (love both my parents, they're great friends, they should never have gotten married it was a terrible idea), so maybe I'm just a weirdo.
    To the bolded: Oh yeah, this seems way less weird!

    I agree that I think it's great to involve kids in the wedding. The intense hatred of it going on here really baffles me. They will definitely be involved in the mother/son, father/daughter dance stuff and they will totally LOVE IT.

    I think my son is actually more excited about the wedding than most. He is ecstatic that he will be getting FIs last name (He doesn't really get that this won't happen immediately after the wedding, but whatever. It's adorable).
    I think the bolded is an overstatement.

    I don't "hate" kids in weddings.  I do think that 

    1) the wedding itself is for the couple, and if they're sending invitations with the standard wording on it to their guests, then they are not inviting the guests to witness some "family-bonding" ceremony.  And I do agree with @mysticl that many parents asking about "involving" their kids seem to be planning for a Brady Bunch-style situation at their wedding, where the kids are on center stage, without considering whether or not the kids are okay with being involved in the ways the parents are asking about.  As many posters here who have been in that situation have noted, some are okay with it, but some are not. The parents may even be misperceiving their "enthusiasm."  Even if the kids are totally enthusiastic about having a new stepparent, they may not want to be in a public "family-bonding" ceremony or even in the standard roles of flower girl, ring bearer, bridesmaid/man, or groomsman/maid.

    2) Some things about weddings should stay between the couple, not the couple and their kids.  This is not to say that every element of the wedding should be like that-but some should.
  • @Jen4948 Oh FFS. I get it. You think that I am forcing my kids into some weird performance and that they disapprove of my marriage (at their ripe old ages of 4 and 6) to their dad. I am clearly "misperceiving their enthusiam". POINT TAKEN. I don't agree. MOVING ON NOW.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    @Jen4948 Oh FFS. I get it. You think that I am forcing my kids into some weird performance and that they disapprove of my marriage (at their ripe old ages of 4 and 6) to their dad. I am clearly "misperceiving their enthusiam". POINT TAKEN. I don't agree. MOVING ON NOW.

    FFS, I think no such thing.  I think you are getting wound up and overreacting with unnecessary sarcasm and hostility.  At this point I think I'm calmer than you are.  Go cool off.
  • Jen4948 said:
    @Jen4948 Oh FFS. I get it. You think that I am forcing my kids into some weird performance and that they disapprove of my marriage (at their ripe old ages of 4 and 6) to their dad. I am clearly "misperceiving their enthusiam". POINT TAKEN. I don't agree. MOVING ON NOW.

    FFS, I think no such thing.  I think you are getting wound up and overreacting with unnecessary sarcasm and hostility.  At this point I think I'm calmer than you are.  Go cool off.
    I'm not at all wound up. Conveying tone on the internet is weird. 

    It's just enough with this already. I get that this is your POV. I don't agree... oh well? 

    Thanks for that little bit of snark, though. 
  • Jen4948 said:
    @Jen4948 Oh FFS. I get it. You think that I am forcing my kids into some weird performance and that they disapprove of my marriage (at their ripe old ages of 4 and 6) to their dad. I am clearly "misperceiving their enthusiam". POINT TAKEN. I don't agree. MOVING ON NOW.

    FFS, I think no such thing.  I think you are getting wound up and overreacting with unnecessary sarcasm and hostility.  At this point I think I'm calmer than you are.  Go cool off.
    I'm not at all wound up. Conveying tone on the internet is weird. 

    It's just enough with this already. I get that this is your POV. I don't agree... oh well? 

    Thanks for that little bit of snark, though. 
    Sorry, but I don't agree with you.  Oh well!  Have a nice evening.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    @Jen4948 Oh FFS. I get it. You think that I am forcing my kids into some weird performance and that they disapprove of my marriage (at their ripe old ages of 4 and 6) to their dad. I am clearly "misperceiving their enthusiam". POINT TAKEN. I don't agree. MOVING ON NOW.

    FFS, I think no such thing.  I think you are getting wound up and overreacting with unnecessary sarcasm and hostility.  At this point I think I'm calmer than you are.  Go cool off.
    I'm not at all wound up. Conveying tone on the internet is weird. 

    It's just enough with this already. I get that this is your POV. I don't agree... oh well? 

    Thanks for that little bit of snark, though. 
    Sorry, but I don't agree with you.  Oh well!  Have a nice evening.
    I'm pretty sure that's what I just said. 

    I will, thank you! (provided I quit messing around on the internet and get some things done!)
  • Skip it.  At my wedding, we had silver tiered dessert servers delivered to each table with an assortment of desserts like cupcakes and french macarons.  There wasn't an announcement, we simply picked things off the silver just like everyone else at our table and enjoyed it.  I think jokingly we ended up taking a bite out of each other's food, but that was because we were laughing about how much better this was to us, instead of making some big deal out of cutting a cake.  We didn't do garter, I didn't toss bouquet (I just took a moment to congratulate a friend who just gotten engaged, handed it to her, took a photo), have rice/bubbles/whatever thrown at us, we treated our wedding like a really nice dinner party.  A few people commented that they liked not having to sit through all those things--that they could eat, drink, dance, and enjoy without all that.  So don't feel badly skipping it.
  • Feeding each other cake is a lovely thing to do but as far as I know is in no way traditional. I think it's just an excuse to actually get to eat the cake before you're whisked off to chat to everyone!

    http://bridechiller.blogspot.co.uk


  • @knotporscha - frewinclaire's getting ridiculous with this blog promotion
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  • southernbelle0915  -- it is ok to promote a blog in a siggy as long as she isn't profiting off of it, and it looks just like a general blog. We will keep an eye on it.
  • @knotporscha - good deal. it's not in her siggy though. it's copy and pasted in different forms into each post as though it's related to the OP's question when it's not related at all. I flagged a couple others so you can take a look and see what you think.
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  • @ashley8918‌ my DD got married two years ago and she had two children as well. They were FG and RB and were thrilled to pieces to be part of their parents wedding. When my DD danced with her father her three year old daughter danced with her daddy. When her husband danced with his mother her five year old son danced with my DD. Everyone commented on how cute it was. My granddaughter still loves to listen to the song they danced to on the radio.
  • danamwdanamw member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I think the idea of feeding the kids the cake is cute. Just have them stand on chairs, so they can be seen. The symbolic meaning of feeding the cake is part of promising to take care of each other, but who cares. If you cut the first slice, and give the kids a bite, that is cute and symbolic in itself.
  • I have always thought the feeding each other part is a little bit awkward and unnecessary. Just cut the cake, you don't have to feed anyone. 
  • Here, since the thread has already been resurrected and OP doesn't seem to mind, I would like to step in with the point of the "feeding" part. I kind of glanced over most of this.

    I noticed the word in a PP "serve each other" the cake. That's why the feeding. It's a symbol, like most traditions at weddings, and here is symbolizes that you are each doing your first act of service to one another as husband and wife.

    That said, since I am able-bodied and fully capable of putting cake in my own mouth, I don't want to do this one. It's good to know that if I needed literal fork-feeding, FI would be there, but right now that's not necessary and I don't need all my guests to see that awkwardness. But since the cutting's supposed to be about you as a couple, I wouldn't serve the kids by fork. I think it's okay to hand them the first slice on a plate.

    ETA - ah, looks like dana sort of covered it

    Thanks! I think just cutting it and/or cutting it and handing the first slices to the kids is the way that we will go.
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