Ghosts of weddings past..

Pepperally

So, do you have any past experience with either being engaged before or married? 

I was engaged once, canceled it 6 months before the wedding date.  Why do I bring this up?  Because oddly enough, I got this random email from MySpace, which I haven't logged into for years...and years...basically back when I was in that relationship.  So the email sends me pictures I guess I had posted on MySpace, and one of the full pics featured in the email was of me in my wedding dress from back then, at the bridal salon when it came in.  It's just so haunting, really.  I thought I had gotten rid of all of that bad juju/pics.  Ugh.  I try to pretend like I haven't done of any of this wedding planning stuff before so that my FI doesn't think I'm comparing or anything. 

Any awkwardness you're experiencing with your ghost of weddings past?

ETA: added comparison photos of then and now...damn I'm so glad I didn't do it...and damn, I look so much better now!

Pepperally

It wouldn't let me add to the first one...

cu97tiger

My DH was married (and divorced) before we met. Sometimes I felt the ghost of his first wedding. Like when I wondered if he wasn't interested in the planning because he'd done it all before. Or when I banned a certain first dance song because it was by the same band as his FIRST first dance song. Two of his GM were in his first wedding, so I definitely did not want them having flashbacks.

loves2shop4shoes

I've got nothing.  I sort of have a ghost of BFs past for baby names though.

DH would like to incorporate his late father's name into a baby name if we ever had a son.  His father's name was Michael.  My most significant ex's name was Michael, and we had a serious, very sexual relationship.  I would have issues naming my son Michael, so it'd have to be a middle name, or we'd have to incorporate his dad's middle name somehow.

ShallowSeas

I was married several years ago and divorced about 2 years ago. FI isn't bothered by it at all and I haven't even thought about my past wedding or compared my upcoming one to the first one, but I do worry that my family or friends won't take this wedding seriously since its not my first. I know that its stupid for me to think that way because my entire family is SO THRILLED about this wedding; more so than the first. They absolutely adore FI. They did not care for my ex at all.

Pepperally

@severmilli12 - I can relate.  It's so much different now with this engagement than with my first one.  I can tell everyone is excited...my parents especially...and I didn't get that the first time.  I mean, my mom was into the planning and stuff, and no one outright said they didn't like him, but it wasn't the same as now.

luckya23

I also cancelled a wedding 6 months before the date - it would have been June 7 actually!  That date is still hard for me and it's been 6 years :-P

I'm not really "planning" yet, but I do think it's sad that I feel like I used up some of my best ideas (venue) which I would not want to repeat!

It will probably be worse as time goes on - nice to know I'm not alone in that!

I also try to refrain from mentioning anything about it to my SO.

My mom brought up my old dress in front of SO this past weekend, and I had just looked at the photos of it earlier that day so that was weird.  I had also decided that I don't like it anymore, even though I still have it!

 

Pepperally

@Kelani23 - OMG - my wedding date was supposed to be June 9, 2009!!  crazy!  I ended up getting a tattoo the night before that date to symbolize the many wise decisions I had made that year.

megso16

@severmilli12‌ I haven't had any prior engagements/marriages, but my boyfriend was married and divorced. Divorce happened about 5 years ago. We've never talked about it too much, but his ex wife was pregnant when they got married. I struggle every now and then, quietly and for a short time, about how he could make that commitment twice, but you just made me feel a lot better.

ShallowSeas

@megso16 I'm glad I could make you feel better! If my situation was reversed and FI was the one who was married once before, I would probably struggle with it as well. I can imagine that it would be something on the back of one's mind. Its hard to understand unless you've been there, but I can tell you from my experience that planning this wedding with FI is SO much different than when I planned my first wedding. This wedding seems more real and less obligatory. I was with my ex since we were 13 and 15 so we got married because it was 'the next step'. I now see that it was for all the wrong reasons but back then I just thought I was doing what I should do. I don't compare the two weddings because I was a different person back then, so the weddings are completely different styles and feel completely different to me. The first one I didn't put much thought into it and wasn't as excited because, again, it was something I just 'had to do'.

I obviously don't know your FI but I can see where he might feel the same about his first wedding as I do mine. If she was pregnant when they got married, he might have felt like it was just the right thing to do at the time.

ShallowSeas

@pepperally Its so nice to have their support. I'm glad your family is excited about your wedding. Now that we are close to the wedding, I don't have those thoughts about my family side-eyeing it or not taking it as seriously because its not my first. I'm glad they are supportive and happy.

When I was talking to my mom about how even though I've been through the whole wedding planning thing, this wedding feels like a first one and so different, her response was, "That's because this wedding is real. You're getting married because that's what you both want, not because you have any other reason to." She couldn't have been more right and I'm SO glad that she and the rest of my family see it that way.

Pepperally

@sermilli12 - I'm glad that you have a totally different vibe...it just makes it even easier to realize why you are taking this next step. 

 

megso16

@severmilli12‌ absolutely. I don't think about it too much, they divorced when their now 6 year old was about 1 and a half. If I didn't see her on a weekly basis, I don't think I'd think about it much at all. We've had some talks about it, mostly how he's more cautious now and learned to not jump into things for the wrong reasons.

I'm glad you're going to have the wedding you want, as opposed to the wedding you feel obligated to!

sarawifenow

I was engaged before FI. I called the wedding off about 1 yr before, so thank God we hadn't really done any planning/putting deposits down.

 

When FI and I started planning, one of the venues I had seen while browsing before came up. I nixe that real quick!