October 2014 Weddings

Bridal Shower

Has anyone found it funny that everyone is being really sneaky lately trying to plan your shower!? My parents and I share an email address for some things, so I've been seeing emails that say, "Andrea, don't read!" Haha! 

Re: Bridal Shower

  • I think I'm one of the few brides that are actively involved in the planning of the bridal shower.  I'm expectionally crafty, and the girls are coming to me with ideas.  I'm excited. I love crafts and planning, so I'm glad they involved me.

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  • This whole thing has been really stressful for me. My mom and my bridesmaids have been doing an awful job communicating with each other, so I have been stuck in the middle, and becoming more involved than I was originally supposed to be.
  • Either my bridesmaids and family are being very, very sneaky, or I am not having one. I'm pretty sure I will not be having a bridal shower - and that is just fine with me!
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Emily104 said:
    Either my bridesmaids and family are being very, very sneaky, or I am not having one. I'm pretty sure I will not be having a bridal shower - and that is just fine with me!
    Same here! I don't think my friends/family would think to surprise me with it either, I think that they know that I'd want to be excited about it with them.

    Plus Fi's mom asked if I'd like a tea and I declined, so I doubt she'd then actively go against my wishes.
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MOH has asked me about doing a bridal shower and I declined.  Since we're doing a DW and only immediate family is invited, it would go against etiquette to have a bridal shower.

  • My bridesmaids, FMIL and Mom are all planning the shower for me.  It's at my FMIL house because she's centrally located.  I know the date and who I'd like to be invited and that's about it.  They had to tell me the date mostly because I live in Boston and have to get down to Philly for the shower. I hate surprises, but I have complete trust in them, so I'm sure it'll be fine. 
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  • My assumption is that I won't be having one, but who knows.  I just got engaged in May so I really don't know that anyone is in that line of thinking just yet.  My mom figures I may not have one b/c I don't have a bridal party and she doesn't seem to think she should be the one to plan one. 

    @Dignity100 - my friend was getting married in FL today as a matter of fact, probably as we speak/type!  With no guests.  And we had a small dinner party with some girlfriends for her...we surprised her.  So you never know!  It was sort of a shower/bachelorette party all in one before she left.  But I definitely get why you said no to one.

  • My new stepmother, who is a lovely lady, has offered to throw me one. She lives out of state and mentioned it on a recent visit. She flat out asked if I wanted one.  I'm not sure if I should reach out to her now with email addresses of my bridesmaids or wait.
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  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @Laurenmae980 I think if you don't want your bridesmaids to feel pressured in to helping your stepmom plan the shower you could always reach out to them separately and say "Hey, my stepmom is planning a shower during x month (if you know this already), what's your availability to attend because I'd love to have you all there!". That leaves the gate open for your bridesmaids to individually offer to help if they want to, or just attend as guests, or not attend at all if they don't want to.

  • That's a good plan. I actually have a man of honor instead of a maid. My best friend and former roommate is so happy to be involved and a part of my wedding. he is like a brother to me and he did ask at a point if I was having one, but seemed at a total loss that I couldn't just throw myself one. Maybe when we hang out next week I'll mention that my stepmother wants to do one in September and what does he think?
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  • @Lauramae980 - yeah, I'd see what your man of honor's interest is in your stepmother's plans, then ask him if he'd mind if your stepmother reaches out to him via email in case she has questions, etc. 

  • So what is the etiquette anyways for who attends the bridal shower? Do you invite people to the bridal shower whom you wouldn't necessarily invite to the wedding?? For example my FMIL invited her aunts and cousins to my FSIL bridal shower but they didn't attend the wedding , not sure if this is proper etiquette or not??
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @SehlinBride‌ what your cousin did wasn't right. You should only invite people to your showers that are also invited to the wedding. If you invited someone to the shower but not the wedding it's basically a snub. Its like you are telling them they're good enough to buy you a present but not good enough to come witness and celebrate your marriage vows.

  • @SehlinBride - totally agree with LaPeanut1018 on this one.  When it's the official bridal shower your family/friends are throwing, it needs to be limited to those who are invited to the wedding.

    I have an update to my "shower" - I was telling FI yesterday that I doubt I will have a shower since I don't have BM.  He said to me twice during the conversation "well, you never really know".  I have a feeling his mom or someone else might be planning something.  I could tell he was trying to tell me without actually telling me.

  • Everything I have ever read about wedding etiquette says that no one should EVER be invited to a wedding related party, if they won't be invited to the wedding.
  • I got a text from one of my good friends who asked if she could plan me a shower.  I told her I didn't expect one, especially since I don't have a bridal party, but that was fine.  She's going to ask my SIL to co-host it.  Admittedly, I feel slightly special now. 
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