Should I go to my friend's destination wedding or not?

wrigleyville

stepslh said:

No, I don't care that anybody disagrees. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just don't like people calling me a bad friend without even knowing me!

Sort of like judging someone's financial situation while only knowing a small piece of it?

phira

I've gotten advice on these boards that I haven't liked. But I've been in the community long enough that I trust people's opinions. So when I ask a question, these awesome people answer my question, and I think about their answers.

Yes, it's true: we only know what you post, so if you explain your situation weirdly or you leave out important information, then we might end up giving advice or opinions that miss the mark because we don't get the situation.

However, more often than not, that's not the case. And most of us have seen enough threads to know what kind of situation you're in.

Common things we've seen on the boards? People who are not happy with how other people spend money (you believe your friend can afford to come to your wedding and has no excuse not to attend). People who base their RSVPs on whether or not someone else attended or plans to attend their wedding (you don't want to go to her wedding because she's not coming to yours).

So, our advice is: you can't decide what she should spend her money on, and it's none of your business. And if you really don't want to attend her wedding, then DON'T. No one's going to force you. But refusing to attend because she's not attending yours is pretty childish.

And finally: You are not having a destination wedding. Not like RAWR YOU'RE WRONG, but just so you know, you're not actually having one. It was traditional to have weddings in the couple's hometown (or, if the couple had two hometowns, the bride's hometown--since this tradition is obviously older than marriage equality), so I can see why you feel like it's a destination wedding (your guests have to travel). But since it's a wedding in the place that you live, it's not really a destination wedding. I live in Massachusetts, as does most of my family; if I moved to Pennsylvania and then got engaged and started planning a wedding, no one would call it a destination wedding.

mrsmorales2be

OP, you contradict yourself.  On the one hand, you say "I really really don't want it to come across that I'm thinking of not going because of spite."  Yet, in your poll you ask whether you should "Cancel on her as well? It's not fair if she's not willing to shell out the money for mine."

I think you've already made up your mind what you want to do but want validation.  Why do you feel you have the right to question her financial decisions anyway?  Too bad you'd damage a friendship by being that judgmental of her.

AddieCake

I believe you DON'T want to go out of spite but have backpedaled trying to make it look like that isn't the case. Your OP clearly indicates you don't want to go BECAUSE she backed out of yours. Don't go. You are clearly not friends with this person. 

ETA: And I agree it's not a destination wedding if it is happening where you live.