Her first wedding, my second. Bridal shower? (Same-sex marriage)

dobbyandtiaya

Hello everyone,

So this will be my second marriage and my fiancee's first. Since my first wedding was only 4 years ago, I totally understand not having a bridal shower thrown for me, because that would just seem gift grabby and that's not what I'm about. However, I don't want my sweetheart to miss out on all of the fun that goes along with a bridal shower just because of me. Should I talk to my mom and grandmother about them throwing one for her (since they are the big planners, FI's family...not so much), a joint one for both of us, or..?? What would you do in my situation? I want to make sure that she feels like the amazing bride that she will be, and I want her to experience every aspect of the process. We have some time, since we aren't getting married until next fall, but since we just got engaged my mind is racing everywhere and trying to figure out how to go about the second wedding process. 

Thank you!

Dobby

dobbyandtiaya

Let me just amend that a little: of course neither of us would ever request to have a shower thrown for us, I simply know my mom and grandma and know that's what they'll do because they like planning stuff like this. I just don't know what my response should/will be when they do :[

photokitty

It is fine to have a shower the second time around if someone offers. I declined, bc I didn't feel comfortable since everyone had already given me gifts tot he first time.

I would suggest, if you mom & grandma offer, that they host one and primarily invite your FI's family & friends - assuming someone issn't throwing one on her side for her. Then they could also invite you very, very closest family and friends. Personally I would refrain from inviting aunts you don't see regularly and you mom's friends that you are super close to...but that's just me.

I think it makes sense for the shower to be for the two of you. That's how we did it for my sister and her wife. At their joint shower, everyone brought a gift for the couple, not one for each bride, so I don't think it matters as much if it is for both of you as everyone knows you will both use the gifts. 

If her family is hosting a shower than I would decline the shower from mom & grandma, again that's just me. Etiquette wise you can have second wedding showers, but some people (myself included) see it as gift grabby.

GL!