Venue Perpetuating Speshul Snowflake Behavior

JustNicki

Just thought I'd share an experience I had this weekend with all of you.

FI, my parents (who are financially hosting), and I attended the final details meeting at our venue on Sunday. We're having both our ceremony and reception there and they provide food and beverages, so there were a lot of things to discuss.

At one point, I mentioned that I'd like to move the ceremony indoors if it's too hot that day. The venue can accommodate that because that's the plan in case of rain. The ceremony would just be held in the reception area. We have quite a few older guests and very little shade in the ceremony space, and I want everyone to be comfortable. When I explained this, the coordinator said, verbatim, "Don't worry about other people. It's YOUR day and your guests should be grateful that they even received an invitation. Don't ruin your day just because you're worried about them. Worry about yourself and your happiness!" I wanted to punch her, but kept my composure and explained that I would, in fact, move the wedding indoors if I felt the comfort of my guests was at risk.

Later on in the meeting, FI and I asked her what time we should do table visits (no receiving line for us). She told us not to worry about it, saying that it was the guests' job to come to us if they wanted to say hello. O_o

For any lurkers on here (or anyone "on the fence" about etiquette), please don't let the rudeness of others convince you that etiquette and good manners aren't important. It is your responsibility to properly host your guests, and that includes making sure they're comfortable and that you take the time to greet them. I've learned so much on this board; listen to the advice these ladies/gentlemen have to give.

banana468

You have to wonder if the coordinator woke up that morning worth her head firmly stuck up a stinky orifice or if she's just telling you that because the customer is always right. Either way, good for you!

JustNicki

Thanks!

Yeah, I really don't know what she was thinking. I'm already wary of her because of the way she looked at me when I pointed out a grammatical error (Tonights menu instead of tonight's menu) on their stationery. We have to have our own menus printed now because the response to the error was, "we're aware of it but we're not doing anything about it."

APDSS22

Wow what lovely customer service they have.

Maybe she's just lazy? Doesn't want to spend 2 seconds thinking about when table visits would work in your schedule, doesn't want y'all to move everything indoors unless it's pouring rain and can't be bothered to fix a typo on the menus.

At least you already know what you need to do for your guests and can fix it. FWIW none of my guests came up to me except 2 that found me before I went down the aisle to see my dress and 2 that had to leave the reception early. Luckily I already knew table visits were the way to go.

OliveOilsMom

That coordinator sounds terrible!  As for table visits, we had a sit down menu, so we would eat the current course quickly and go start our table visits.  When we saw the next course at our table, we would finish that current table's visit and go eat.  Then repeat.  If you are having a buffet, then just finish eating and go start, trying to hit up the tables who either haven't been called yet or are finishing eating already.

RebeccaFlower

I think you need to set her straight if she says anything again, since she could open her big ass mouth to a guest and offend them. 

As a guest, I never walk up to the couple. People did that to us and I just wanted three minutes to eat. 

JustNicki

OliveOilsMom said:

That coordinator sounds terrible!  As for table visits, we had a sit down menu, so we would eat the current course quickly and go start our table visits.  When we saw the next course at our table, we would finish that current table's visit and go eat.  Then repeat.  If you are having a buffet, then just finish eating and go start, trying to hit up the tables who either haven't been called yet or are finishing eating already.

We're also having sit down. That's a great plan, thanks!

JustNicki

RebeccaFlower said:

I think you need to set her straight if she says anything again, since she could open her big ass mouth to a guest and offend them. 

As a guest, I never walk up to the couple. People did that to us and I just wanted three minutes to eat. 

Fortunately, she won't be at the event. She only does the planning. The event coordinator is an awesome (as far as I can tell) lady. I'll definitely be writing the head coordinator a letter afterwards about this crappy lady, though.

jenna8984

I actually had this conversation with my bridesmaid! She has been in a dozen weddings and is used to being bossed around about hair, makeup, shoes, bridal shower, bachelorette, etc. I forget the exact item we were talking about and she said "but it's your special day!" and I barked back "NO! That shit is for bridezilla bitches who only care about themselves". She shut up but I could tell that she thinks I'm wrong, and that she's going to be a bridezilla when hers comes one day LOL

climbingsingle

Oy. My venue's coordinator has also given some crappy advice as well.

sophhabobopha

Ew, ew ew ew. No. I can't believe she'd say that!

mollyringwald15

I looked at a venue (didn't pick it) that promoted the use of drink tickets. The coordinator/venue sales person was all about it, saying everybody does it. This was the only bar pricing option in the packet she gave me. When I told her we would be having a hosted bar, she said "Oh, well... we really don't like to do that because then we have to make sure the tab gets paid before you leave. This way you know exactly what your portion of the cost is upfront."

Uhm. No. 

 

ladyamanuet

I hate this!  Gah. I hate that the Wedding Industrial Complex has brainwashed women into thinking their guests and wedding party don't matter!

A local morning radio show (The Bert Show) currently has a wedding vent line set up. You can call and leave a message venting about whatever.... and this morning one of the messages was a bitchy bridezilla who was pissed at a bridesmaid that she had red nails instead of clear or french manicure. It was clear from the message the bride did not pay for this "demand" - what was unclear was whether she made the bridesmaid take it off or not, but it sounded like maybe she did since the bridesmaid was upset about the amount she paid for it (which to me sounds like she was made to remove it and was upset because it cost money to do).  I was so mad her message was even given air time, but then the woman on the show said if a bride makes this request you honor it. NO! NO NO NO NO NO!

Your bridal party is honoring YOU, you are not honoring them.  And yes, while the ceremony is for the B&G and the reception is for the guests as a thank you for attending the ceremony, they are still guests of the ceremony and need to be considered!!  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! All the anger!!!!

OP, good for you for caring about heat in addition to rain. Nothing worse than being in a nice dress in 105 degree weather and having said nice dress cling to you in uncomfortable ways the rest of the day because you just lost 3 gallons in sweat.  You rock!

thelastdreamer

Wow. That is terrible! It is truly amazing how many people in the wedding planning process talk about terrible etiquette. When I told my reception coordinator I needed a king's table to seat 20 people to accommodate our BP's SOs, she looked at me like I was insane. 

Jen4948

Is there a manager or anyone you can report that event coordinator to?  I'd mention that you are not happy about some of the advice she was giving you.

Emmy1493

banana468 said:

You have to wonder if the coordinator woke up that morning worth her head firmly stuck up a stinky orifice or if she's just telling you that because the customer is always right. Either way, good for you!

That could very well be the case. After all, they are just after making money, and they are getting paid to make it about you. I don't agree with what she said, but nevertheless they will agree with you if you say the sky is red. I think any venue can be like that.

JustNicki

Emmy1493 said:

banana468 said:

You have to wonder if the coordinator woke up that morning worth her head firmly stuck up a stinky orifice or if she's just telling you that because the customer is always right. Either way, good for you!

That could very well be the case. After all, they are just after making money, and they are getting paid to make it about you. I don't agree with what she said, but nevertheless they will agree with you if you say the sky is red. I think any venue can be like that.

Then she should've agreed with my plan to move it inside in case of heat! She obviously had her head on backward that day (hopefully it's not permanent).

JustNicki

Jen4948 said:

Is there a manager or anyone you can report that event coordinator to?  I'd mention that you are not happy about some of the advice she was giving you.

I will definitely be talking with someone about her.  I'm going to wait until after the wedding so she doesn't get pissed and sabotage the day somehow.

ladyamanuet said:

A local morning radio show (The Bert Show) currently has a wedding vent line set up. You can call and leave a message venting about whatever.... and this morning one of the messages was a bitchy bridezilla who was pissed at a bridesmaid that she had red nails instead of clear or french manicure. It was clear from the message the bride did not pay for this "demand" - what was unclear was whether she made the bridesmaid take it off or not, but it sounded like maybe she did since the bridesmaid was upset about the amount she paid for it (which to me sounds like she was made to remove it and was upset because it cost money to do).  I was so mad her message was even given air time, but then the woman on the show said if a bride makes this request you honor it. NO! NO NO NO NO NO!

I think I'd crash my car if I had to listen to shit like that in the morning.

lyndausvi

You have to wonder about people who think the color of a BM's nails makes their "special day" any less special.   

Like really, do they ever hear themselves?    I can't even imagine being in a guy's shoes.  Here you want to marry the girl of your dreams and then she goes all apeshit because some BM has the wrong nail color.    Nail color!  Let's repeat this, painted nails.   There are a lot of things that can ruin your dream, painted nails on a guest is not one of them.

Anyway, venues are in the business to make money and give the customer whatever they want.  Period.   A cash bar makes more money then a dry bar so they will suggest that over a dry bar.  Maybe they have been burned over hosted bars when payment is give after the event.    That is why most demand payment before hand. Of course, they say things like "it's your day", blah, blah.  They are sales people and sales people like to kiss ass and tell you what they think you want to hear.

MairePoppy

Sadly, they make more money by telling brides what they want to hear. That's why it's not a good idea to get etiquette advice from wedding vendors.

Kauris

mollyringwald15 said:

I looked at a venue (didn't pick it) that promoted the use of drink tickets. The coordinator/venue sales person was all about it, saying everybody does it. This was the only bar pricing option in the packet she gave me. When I told her we would be having a hosted bar, she said "Oh, well... we really don't like to do that because then we have to make sure the tab gets paid before you leave. This way you know exactly what your portion of the cost is upfront."

Uhm. No. 

 

This is why my venue has my credit card, to make sure anything that is spent over our final quoted price is covered. 

Weesh

My officiant said something about putting an earlier start time during one of our first conversations.  The conversation went in a different direction, and I forgot about it.  When we met a few weeks ago, she seemed disappointed that I didn't put 5 instead of 5:30.  "Oh everyone wants to start on time, but it rarely happens."

Listen, I am (admittedly) usually a few minutes late, but I have made almost every arrangement for us to start on time!  My venue has been okay so far, but I keep remembering that they are here to make money.  It's my responsibility to be a good host.