*Confused?*

JMalettas

 So, friends of ours are getting married early this fall, and are planning to send out invites sometime soon. I was chatting with the bride, a couple of days ago, and asked her how the wedding planning was going? She was saying how she was working on getting invites ready, but everything else was pretty much a go! Anyways, she went on to describe their wedding, and was saying, only 35 people, (including WP), are invited to the ceremony. (I guess this is all they're aloud to fit into the ceremony space), and then they've invited a bunch of people to a "reception" afterwards. They've rented out a hall, they're *not* having any food, and complete cash bar. Am I crazy to think this is crazy?? Cash bars aren't common here *at all*, but I have heard of them. No food though? Im just confused by this whole event....

 *J

AddieCake

A few years ago, I would have been confused as well. After spending a few years on TK, however, nothing surprises me anymore.

AprilH81

JMalettas said:

 So, friends of ours are getting married early this fall, and are planning to send out invites sometime soon. I was chatting with the bride, a couple of days ago, and asked her how the wedding planning was going? She was saying how she was working on getting invites ready, but everything else was pretty much a go! Anyways, she went on to describe their wedding, and was saying, only 35 people, (including WP), are invited to the ceremony. (I guess this is all they're aloud to fit into the ceremony space), and then they've invited a bunch of people to a "reception" afterwards. They've rented out a hall, they're *not* having any food, and complete cash bar. Am I crazy to think this is crazy?? Cash bars aren't common here *at all*, but I have heard of them. No food though? Im just confused by this whole event....

 *J

Very, very tacky.

There is nothing technically wrong with having a private ceremony followed by a "public" reception, but at 35 people I don't consider that private.

What time is the reception?  If the reception is not during a meal time they don't have to provide a meal, but some sort of refreshments (cake, punch, veggie tray, or something) should be provided.

Cash bars are always rude.

climbingsingle

That's crazy. What's the hall even for? Just drinking? 

JCbride2015

Yeah, what would this reception even look like? A bunch of people who didn't see you get married, standing around in a hall, not eating, and maybe not drinking either? Or pissed off that they had to pay for a drink and don't even have something to eat? Nooooppppppe.

JMalettas

I'm not 100% sure what the timing is on everything. By the sounds of it, the "reception" portion is in the evening though. Her response to the no food/cash bar, was that "she's cheap haha"....

 @ClimbingBrideNY - From what I gather, she truly believes this will be a reception. Just no food, and cash bar. (So I mean, in all guests eyes, a place to drink). I'm thinking, she's hoping by inviting X amount of guests to the "reception" that they'll score on gifts. (This is definitely how it's coming off anyways). 

 It just seems ridiculous to me. We normally *always* just do the "cash-in-a-card" type of gift to weddings, and I have no idea what to do in this situation. I mean, we're not invited to the actual wedding, and basically just an after party "reception" that we'll be paying for, and likely going out afterwards, to eat. What we'd normally gift in a card would pay for what we feel is the equivalent of our plates, and bar cost, and then some. So, maybe just gift the "and some", or buy a physical gift instead? I dunno..lol

 *J

 

ShesSoCold

JMalettas said:

I'm not 100% sure what the timing is on everything. By the sounds of it, the "reception" portion is in the evening though. Her response to the no food/cash bar, was that "she's cheap haha"....

 @ClimbingBrideNY - From what I gather, she truly believes this will be a reception. Just no food, and cash bar. (So I mean, in all guests eyes, a place to drink). I'm thinking, she's hoping by inviting X amount of guests to the "reception" that they'll score on gifts. (This is definitely how it's coming off anyways). 

 It just seems ridiculous to me. We normally *always* just do the "cash-in-a-card" type of gift to weddings, and I have no idea what to do in this situation. I mean, we're not invited to the actual wedding, and basically just an after party "reception" that we'll be paying for, and likely going out afterwards, to eat. What we'd normally gift in a card would pay for what we feel is the equivalent of our plates, and bar cost, and then some. So, maybe just gift the "and some", or buy a physical gift instead? I dunno..lol

 *J

 

I would give them a card with a note saying that you used their gift to buy dinner beforehand and drinks at her "reception" so you would have a good time at this train wreck. 

ladyamanuet

Why give a gift? Your gift is partially hosting the reception for her.  Give her a nice card saying "congratulations and best wishes!" Save any money you'd spend on her to spend on yourselves, since she isn't a gracious enough host to do it herself. 

You are under NO OBLIGATION to give a gift.  Give a nice card.  No gift. not to someone so rude. 

JCbride2015

I would probably be busy that day and not give a gift.

sophhabobopha

This sounds like a job for Beyonce.

LabLove86

I would just give the card - no gift inside.

daria24

I always wonder with a cash bar-do the bride and groom have to fork over a $20 when they want drinks? Or are their drinks "free" because everyone else is covering the cost? Or do they expect their guests to go buy them a round?

Also, bar + no food=someone is going to hurl on that bride's dress. 

HaileyDancingbear

It sounds like this is just a gift grab, so I personally would not give a gift.  They're people, not money bags, this lady shouldn't be inviting them if she doesn't even care if they see the ceremony.  Given that the ceremony is totally not a private one with just close relatives, it seems like her guest list is in two very clear portions:  "People I actually want to attend my wedding and care enough about to have with me at the ceremony" and "People I want money from."  If you really want these people with you on your wedding day, you make it work.  You have the ceremony somewhere that can accommodate them.

VulgarGirl

Why not just save money and ask everyone to come to a bar afterwards? I mean, if I'm paying for my drinks and there is no food...basically you have a bar. So...skip the hall rental and go to a bar.

Senecaf

MagicInk said:

Why not just save money and ask everyone to come to a bar afterwards? I mean, if I'm paying for my drinks and there is no food...basically you have a bar. So...skip the hall rental and go to a bar.

This is what I was thinking. You basically just rented out a bar. But it's called a reception.

Kauris

I would not reward this bad behavior with a gift or my presence and I would tell her why.

APDSS22

Instead of asking her why she's not paying for food or drinks and letting her laugh it off you should've laughed first and said "that was a good one!  Not paying for food and drinks at a reception.  Very funny.  But really, what kind of food are you having?  Oh.  You were serious?  I think I have to wash my cat that day..."

No way would I give someone a gift for inviting me to pay for drinks at a location, date and time they've chosen to listen to music they've selected whilst admiring their pretty outfits.  Maybe a card from the dollar store with only my best wishes inside.

JMalettas

MagicInk said:

Why not just save money and ask everyone to come to a bar afterwards? I mean, if I'm paying for my drinks and there is no food...basically you have a bar. So...skip the hall rental and go to a bar.

 I totally agree with this. It would be soo much more acceptable. Basically all they've done is rent this hall out, which goes for $600. (I know this, because I've rented it for another event), & they're using the hall's liquor, so they don't need a liquor license. So basically they're paying to rent/decorate this "venue", when they could have opted to invite everyone to the bar to hang out, post wedding, no expectations. It's all just so weird..

 I'm probably going to get a card, and a small gift, vs a decent cash gift. Really, the only reason being, because we invited them to our wedding, & they "cash" gifted us a certain amount in a card. So I feel weird not getting them anything at all. This being said, we also properly hosted a reception. (That FIY, they were "no shows" at, yet r.s.v.p'd that they were coming to, because she didn't feel well)--*whatever* Lol. 

 *J

monkeysip

daria24 said:

Also, bar + no food=someone is going to hurl on that bride's dress. 

Umm... this.

I wouldn't want to be at a reception where people are drinking and no one's eating anything at all.  Talk about getting wasted quickly.  

At least at most bars, you can order SOME kind of food.  But a venue where there's no food available at all?  Good lord.

wandajune6

Booze on an empty stomach! Good times!

This will be a cluster. I picture parking lot pizzas or a purse crammed with granola bars!

NYCBruin

MagicInk said:

Why not just save money and ask everyone to come to a bar afterwards? I mean, if I'm paying for my drinks and there is no food...basically you have a bar. So...skip the hall rental and go to a bar.

Because people don't bring gifts to a bar, so she has to label it something to make sure that her friends ATMs know that they are supposed to buy her shit.

JMalettas

NYCBruin said:

MagicInk said:

Why not just save money and ask everyone to come to a bar afterwards? I mean, if I'm paying for my drinks and there is no food...basically you have a bar. So...skip the hall rental and go to a bar.

Because people don't bring gifts to a bar, so she has to label it something to make sure that her friends ATMs know that they are supposed to buy her shit.

 This is totally how it's coming off! I'm just waiting for the moment when our friends start getting the invites. Obviously, (well likely), no one's going to say anything to the couple, but this is going to be the "big topic" for a while, post wedding, I'm sure. I know for a fact, there are going to be people side-eyeing the "cash bar" she has printed on her invites..but wait until they get there, and there's also no food..:S