Plus ones names on invitations

lunadust12

I have a few guests who are either not in a relationship that I know of or I think they may have a boyfriend I know nothing about. I asked them if they have someone in mind who they want to bring because I'd like to list their guest by name if possible. I thought it was nicer to make the extra effort instead of just sticking "plus one" on the invite. If they aren't sure they will still get the plus one option. Was it okay I asked?

Jen4948

Yes, in fact it was the appropriate thing to do.

lunadust12

My FI thought I was crazy and said he thought it was rude I did that

Jen4948

lunadust12 said:

My FI thought I was crazy and said he thought it was rude I did that

Not to put the name of an SO or plus one, when one knows who it is, is crazy and rude.  Your FI is wrong about that.

phira

I'd make every effort possible to find out if people are in relationships and, if they are, the names of people's significant others. I've gotten "and Guest" and my partner and I have felt really bummed out about it!

It can be awkward, and it's better to do it closer to the wedding (in case people break up or start new relationships), but as long as you do it without sounding judgmental (in case they're single), then you're golden.

lunadust12

I guess I was more confused about anyone who is definitely not in a relationship and wanted to bring a friend, if asking them is weird? The wedding is end of September so I wanted to get everything in order for invites by the beginning of July. Everyone is getting a plus one option even if they don't know who yet.

Jen4948

No, it isn't weird. Just because they aren't in relationships with the persons they'd want to bring doesn't mean that the persons in question shouldn't be listed by name.

lunadust12

Thanks!

tigersgirlgv

PPs advice about asking truly single guests for their +1s name to put on the invite is good, but be prepared that many may not know who they'd like to bring yet. When I've been afforded a +1, I don't always know a) if I want to bring someone or b) who that person will be, before invites go out, especially if I didn't know ahead of time that I will be getting a +1. So you might still need to just put "and guest" on their invites.

lunadust12

I actually have a few who said they didn't plan on bringing anyone but I am going to still leave a plus one on their invite in case they change their mind.

Amonite

It depends how well you know the SO and if you know their address. If you know their address or can easily find it out - send them their own invite.  If you don't know them, then it can be ok to specify on your friend's invite since he/she is not a generic +1. You can always just allow general +1s for guests, which avoids the issue of looking significant others up, or not allow +1s at all.

However PLEASE don't put both names if you know the SO personally (unless they are married, obviously).  It's extremely rude to relegate a friend to the position of a +1 as if they were only invited because they are dating someone.

blabla89

lunadust12 said:

I guess I was more confused about anyone who is definitely not in a relationship and wanted to bring a friend, if asking them is weird? The wedding is end of September so I wanted to get everything in order for invites by the beginning of July. Everyone is getting a plus one option even if they don't know who yet.

If the guest is bringing a friend (as in, not a SO) just for the sake of bringing someone, then I think it's fine to send the invitation as a +1 "and guest" especially if you don't know the person they're planning to bring, or if they won't know who they want to bring before you send out invitations. You should find out for sure who has a SO and who doesn't, but it's okay if your single guests don't know who they want to bring.

lunadust12

Amonite said:

It depends how well you know the SO and if you know their address. If you know their address or can easily find it out - send them their own invite.  If you don't know them, then it can be ok to specify on your friend's invite since he/she is not a generic +1. You can always just allow general +1s for guests, which avoids the issue of looking significant others up, or not allow +1s at all.

However PLEASE don't put both names if you know the SO personally (unless they are married, obviously).  It's extremely rude to relegate a friend to the position of a +1 as if they were only invited because they are dating someone.

Fortunately no one falls into these categories. We are in our thirties and most of our friends are already married. Out of the small amount of people who aren't married, all of them are truly single and bringing friends except two that had a newer relationship we didn't really know about, but I have their names now A few knew the names of the friend they were bringing and the rest I will leave as "and guest" so they still have the option. We don't know any of the plus ones mentioned here.