Needing help here. I'm thinking this is a NO.

brittsmome2

So my husband and I are paying for the venue, the cake and the centerpieces our portion of the budget is about 2.5 more than her mother's. (It was supposed to 50/50 but never is). We've already paid for the engagement party which was held at her mother's home (it was also supposed to be 50/50, so everyone assumed her mother did all of the cooking and paid for everything) which in face we did all of the food and and paid for all of the drinks for 100+ people. My husband would like to have the cocktail napkins printed that say something along the lines of . . . "Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" Bride & Groom's Name & Date of their Wedding. What do you guys think? Yes or No?

JCbride2015

brittsmome2 said:

So my husband and I are paying for the venue, the cake and the centerpieces our portion of the budget is about 2.5 more than her mother's. (It was supposed to 50/50 but never is). We've already paid for the engagement party which was held at her mother's home (it was also supposed to be 50/50, so everyone assumed her mother did all of the cooking and paid for everything) which in face we did all of the food and and paid for all of the drinks for 100+ people. My husband would like to have the cocktail napkins printed that say something along the lines of . . . "Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" Bride & Groom's Name & Date of their Wedding. What do you guys think? Yes or No?

I'm confused.  What is your role in this wedding?

brittsmome2

I'm just the step-mom.

Maggie0829

brittsmome2 said:

So my husband and I are paying for the venue, the cake and the centerpieces our portion of the budget is about 2.5 more than her mother's. (It was supposed to 50/50 but never is). We've already paid for the engagement party which was held at her mother's home (it was also supposed to be 50/50, so everyone assumed her mother did all of the cooking and paid for everything) which in face we did all of the food and and paid for all of the drinks for 100+ people. My husband would like to have the cocktail napkins printed that say something along the lines of . . . "Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" Bride & Groom's Name & Date of their Wedding. What do you guys think? Yes or No?

Sorry but I really don't like that idea.  It is like  you are trying to flaunt the fact that you shelled out a lot of money for the wedding.  It also leaves the groom out completely and the wedding would not have happened if your "little girl" hadn't gotten married to someone.

I am sorry things aren't working out budget wise with your daughters soon to be in-laws but you are choosing to spend the money that you are and you choose to supplement the engagement party when you didn't have to so I think you need to get over the fact that the in-laws aren't contributing like you were expecting.

brittsmome2

No not in laws, it's with her mom. Our role has always been to pay for the venue. 

Maggie0829

Oops my bad.  Well either way you just need to get over it.  You never know what may have happened financially with her Mom that may have prevented her from contributing what she really wanted.

Maggie0829

I would like to add that since you are the Step-Mom and it is the Mom of the bride that you are having issues with that that makes the napkin idea even worse in my eyes.  This isn't just you and your husbands "little girl" this his the MOBs little girl as well and doing those napkins could really create some hurt feelings and unnecessary drama at the wedding.

JCbride2015

I see.  So the napkins are sort of a dig at the mother for not paying.  Yeah, I wouldn't do this.  Try not to buy into drama with the mom-- doing the napkins would not end well.

brittsmome2

Sorry, it wasn't about the money. I was trying to get a different point across. The point I was trying to ask was, has anyone seen a reception cocktail with the wording on it like I had stated before?

"Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" 

Lorie & Steve August 16 2014

AddieCake

I just don't like this plan of people wanting "credit" so to speak for the wedding expenses.

JCbride2015

brittsmome2 said: Sorry, it wasn't about the money. I was trying to get a different point across. The point I was trying to ask was, has anyone seen a reception cocktail with the wording on it like I had stated before?
"Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" Lorie & Steve August 16 2014
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See, I think it is about the money for you though.  Otherwise you wouldn't have included so much information about who is paying for what.

But I'll also give you feedback on the wording since that's what you're asking for.

Honestly, I get really turned off by the "little girl" language with wedding stuff, and I would think the parents' names on the napkin would be a bit strange.  If you want to do custom cocktail napkins, I'd just do the names of the couple and the date of the wedding.

I never really notice personalized napkins at weddings anyway though, so I think it's something you can skip unless you really want to do it for some reason.

Maggie0829

brittsmome2 said:

Sorry, it wasn't about the money. I was trying to get a different point across. The point I was trying to ask was, has anyone seen a reception cocktail with the wording on it like I had stated before?

"Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" 

Lorie & Steve August 16 2014

So you are choosing to ignore our opinions about this and still rub salt into the wounds huh?

Doing this won't make you feel better, it will just make you and your husband look bad and hurt the MOBs feelings in the process.

Jen4948

Who's paying for any part of the wedding is none of the guests' business.

Also, I have to agree with the PP who says she's turned off by "little girl/boy" language when it comes to weddings.  In fact, this is why I don't like the song "Sunrise, Sunset" for weddings-or at least don't want to hear it at mine.  (I'm Jewish.)

mysticl

And from a practical point of view you are going to spend how much money on something that will be in the trash in a few hours?

emmyg65

Okay, I'll comment specifically on the wording, especially since PP already covered the fact that the whole idea is bad. I'm not a fan of the "little girl" language. Also, saying "our little girl" and then signing it with you and your husband's name deliberately and publicly excludes your stepdaughter's mother. That doesn't look good. Even if you don't mean anything by it, it looks like a passive aggressive dig. Your stepdaughter's wedding is not the place for that.

Just let this go.

LondonLisa

Yes, you should do this..... If you want a wedding that looks like NASCAR. Why don't you see if Budwiser will give you cheap drinks if you get the bride to have their logo on her gown. Why stop there? Have an official "Visa cutting of the cake". Better yet, Stop the wedding ceremony halfway through for an all-singing, all-dancing tribute to you and your completely emotionally manipulative "gift" of being a venue host. Talking about money is vulgar, and the fact you would be so nasty to the mother of this woman who is allegedly "your little girl" speaks volumes about your character.

atlastmrsg

Tacky. No. Just No. Not to mention, the "little girl" stuff is just weird. Because you're "little girl" is also going to be getting it on after the wedding. No one wants to think of her as pre-pubescent in this setting.

LondonLisa

Ps- OP if it wasn't about the money and getting public credit for your "gift", you wouldn't be so insistent that your name needs to be on it. You are making this all about you and your gift, not the bride and her husband. If I saw this cocktail napkin at a wedding, I would think "wow, stepmom can't even let little girl be the centre of attention for one day" and be a bit embarrassed for you. If you really want personalised napkins, the only appropriate names to be on there are bride and groom.

vsgal

I will tell you my experience.  When we got married, my parents wanted to do some things that showcased me.  They wanted to do a "roast" where dad would stand up and tell about funny things I did as a kid.  Mom wanted to build a photo montage of me growing up and display it at the wedding.  

My initial reaction was the wedding day was not just about me.  It was about FI and I getting married. I told them that doing anything that did not involve both of us as a couple would make me uncomfortable.  I could be taken as offensive to his family, like they were excluding the groom.  That was not their intention.  

The issue is not the napkins.  The issue is the wording and the attempt to show that you paid for everything.  Paying for a wedding is not a contest.  If you and H are offering money or paying/planning events, you cannot expect equal involvement from the in-laws.  That is not fair.  You can't spend someone else's money or make them feel guilty for not doing so.  

That being said, if you want to do the napkins, the wording should be ""Cheers! They got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate"

Lorie & Steve August 16 2014

atlastmrsg

vsgal said:

I will tell you my experience.  When we got married, my parents wanted to do some things that showcased me.  They wanted to do a "roast" where dad would stand up and tell about funny things I did as a kid.  Mom wanted to build a photo montage of me growing up and display it at the wedding.  

My initial reaction was the wedding day was not just about me.  It was about FI and I getting married. I told them that doing anything that did not involve both of us as a couple would make me uncomfortable.  I could be taken as offensive to his family, like they were excluding the groom.  That was not their intention.  

The issue is not the napkins.  The issue is the wording and the attempt to show that you paid for everything.  Paying for a wedding is not a contest.  If you and H are offering money or paying/planning events, you cannot expect equal involvement from the in-laws.  That is not fair.  You can't spend someone else's money or make them feel guilty for not doing so.  

That being said, if you want to do the napkins, the wording should be ""Cheers! They got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate"

Lorie & Steve August 16 2014

I still vote no to this wording.  "They" looks weird.  It would be "We."  And you need punctuation.

Actually, I still vote no to the napkins completely.  The bar can provide the napkins.  

ohannabelle

It sounds like a dig, a grab for credit, and bad taste, all rolled up in one vile little napkin. I would never. 

Be gracious. 

vsgal

atlastmrsg said:

vsgal said:

I will tell you my experience.  When we got married, my parents wanted to do some things that showcased me.  They wanted to do a "roast" where dad would stand up and tell about funny things I did as a kid.  Mom wanted to build a photo montage of me growing up and display it at the wedding.  

My initial reaction was the wedding day was not just about me.  It was about FI and I getting married. I told them that doing anything that did not involve both of us as a couple would make me uncomfortable.  I could be taken as offensive to his family, like they were excluding the groom.  That was not their intention.  

The issue is not the napkins.  The issue is the wording and the attempt to show that you paid for everything.  Paying for a wedding is not a contest.  If you and H are offering money or paying/planning events, you cannot expect equal involvement from the in-laws.  That is not fair.  You can't spend someone else's money or make them feel guilty for not doing so.  

That being said, if you want to do the napkins, the wording should be ""Cheers! They got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate"

Lorie & Steve August 16 2014

I still vote no to this wording.  "They" looks weird.  It would be "We."  And you need punctuation.

Actually, I still vote no to the napkins completely.  The bar can provide the napkins.  

Ok, so change it to "we".  If they want to spend money on personalized napkins, they can.  We had them.  My parents had them.  My in-laws had them.  Having personalized napkins is not an etiquette breach.  Maybe not something you would spend your money on, but not rude to have.  What is rude, is the text the OP wants to put on the napkins.  It is passive-aggressive. 

By the way, you can tell from this post and all of my other posts that I do punctuate correctly. I just copied/pasted OP's original text so I did not have to retype it. Obviously, there is some punctuation missing.   So your comment "And you need punctuation"  is unnecessary and a bit snarky. 

JoanE2012

OP, you're right, it's not a good idea.  Nothing wrong with running it by others though.  That's what we're here for.

Viczaesar

Please don't put the guests in the middle of your pissing contest with the mother of the bride.

lyndausvi

Even if you paid for 100% of the wedding I would think the wording is strange.   

It's a napkin.  My mom surprised us with special napkins.  She was smart enough NOT to put a date or make it too wedding-y.   It was just our first names with some starfish (we had a beach wedding).   Almost 6 years later we still have not used all of them.   This past weekend my sister got special napkins for my dad's party.  We have over half left.   

Point being they are normally a waste of money that no one cares about. Then you have to throw out the ones not used.   Complete waste of money and resources. A plain napkin can be used at other events.   Even my own napkins can be used at other events since they do not have a date or weddings stuff all over them. 

That said, I would side-eye any name on a napkin that was NOT the guest of honors.  It would be tacky and attention whorish.  You are the parents, not some corporate sponsor that needs their name everywhere so people know how you contributed to the wedding.

brittsmome2

Wow. Thank you all for your advice. I believe it's more about just being appreciated for the things we are doing, a simple thank you goes along way. 

lyndausvi

brittsmome2 said:

Wow. Thank you all for your advice. I believe it's more about just being appreciated for the things we are doing, a simple thank you goes along way. 

But how is your name on some napkins that you are buying giving you a thank you ?

ETA - and being appreciated.   

brittsmome2

ETA?

ohannabelle

Edited to add.

brittsmome2

I think it's just a thing between my husband and his daughter and him not feeling appreciated for all he's done. 

brittsmome2

I think napkins were his way of saying "hey look, this was my idea and I wanted to do something cool". It never had anything to do with the money for him. I think I added that part from me.