Tradition?

lyndausvi

ashleyep said:

CMGragain said:

I was thinking of Fiddler on the Roof when I posted the question!

Alcohol was not always associated with weddings.  Fifty years ago, most weddings were in church in the afternoon, with cake and punch receptions.  Then, the wedding industry stepped in, encouraged by Hollywood.  (Goodbye, Columbus)

In Iowa, Catholic weddings were known to have alcohol, dancing, and to be more of a party atmosphere than most Protestant weddings.  There were exceptions, of course, but nobody expected an expensive dinner with open bar in 1960.  Cash bar?  No way!  When my mother was married in 1970, there was a family fuss about the presence of alcohol at the reception.  Our side of the family was Methodist/Presbyterian, which is rather tolerant, but eyebrows were raised.  It amuses me to read that modern brides worry that NOT having open bar might be rude.  What a change!

Roger Sterling's daughter's wedding in Mad Men begs to differ!

I have no doubt in CMG's world that is the case.    In my Delaware Irish-Catholic world, alcohol was always present and people didn't have cake and punch receptions.   

My extended family were not rich by any means, so these weddings were not "expense" affairs that you think of today.  They were held in church halls (yep, our church halls have built in bars), VFW, fire halls or at people's homes.   They were properly hosted events with food with the booze flowing.

Grandma got married in 1930 - had a meal and booze.  my parents/aunts/uncles all got married in the mid-50-68 all had booze and meals. Oh and their weddings were all planned in less than a year.  

saacjw

lyndausvi said:

ashleyep said:

CMGragain said:

I was thinking of Fiddler on the Roof when I posted the question!

Alcohol was not always associated with weddings.  Fifty years ago, most weddings were in church in the afternoon, with cake and punch receptions.  Then, the wedding industry stepped in, encouraged by Hollywood.  (Goodbye, Columbus)

In Iowa, Catholic weddings were known to have alcohol, dancing, and to be more of a party atmosphere than most Protestant weddings.  There were exceptions, of course, but nobody expected an expensive dinner with open bar in 1960.  Cash bar?  No way!  When my mother was married in 1970, there was a family fuss about the presence of alcohol at the reception.  Our side of the family was Methodist/Presbyterian, which is rather tolerant, but eyebrows were raised.  It amuses me to read that modern brides worry that NOT having open bar might be rude.  What a change!

Roger Sterling's daughter's wedding in Mad Men begs to differ!

I have no doubt in CMG's world that is the case.    In my Delaware Irish-Catholic world, alcohol was always present and people didn't have cake and punch receptions.   

My extended family were not rich by any means, so these weddings were not "expense" affairs that you think of today.  They were held in church halls (yep, our church halls have built in bars), VFW, fire halls or at people's homes.   They were properly hosted events with food with the booze flowing.

Grandma got married in 1930 - had a meal and booze.  my parents/aunts/uncles all got married in the mid-50-68 all had booze and meals. Oh and their weddings were all planned in less than a year.  

Yeah, I think so much of it is not just regional, but cultural with the alcohol at weddings thing. Most of my family was mostly Catholic and from the NYC or Chicago region. Booze happened at all of the weddings, as did a big old dinner, and not infrequently, a polka band. Wine has always been served at dinner, so weddings were no exception. It was pretty much the same for baptisms, birthday parties, and funerals and god forbid if you didn't buy enough brandy. At one classic event, people opened the brandy that was included in presents because my grandfather in his youth didn't buy enough (he bought plenty of other booze, but didn't realize that all the brandy would go so fast). The Protestant part of my family is Episcopalian and booze was still a common occurrence at all events. 

lyndausvi

For the record, I know the way my family celebrates is not the norm for the entire country.  I'm well aware that cake and punch receptions exist.  I just have never heard or seen them personally.  I'm well aware that dry weddings exist, just not in my world.  

It's silly to make a blanket statement like CMG did.  Again I have no doubt that is her personal experience, but it's certain not the case in every social group in the entire country.

Simply Fated

Wine has always played a large part in every single Jewish thing ever, including weddings.
Except for Yom Kippur, when we don't consume anything for 24 hours. But when that sun goes down... it's all about that wine again.

That whole blanket statement seems to use words like, Church, Catholic Church and "most" people.
Can't include Jews from New York in there, can ya.

CMGragain

I'm afraid that there aren't many New York Jews in rural Iowa!

This was actually the point of my original post.  Tradition varies.  Etiquette does not.

My tradition, from Protestant Iowa (Scandinavian immigrants vs. French Canucks) is going to be different from New York Jewish tradition.  I do notice that many brides seem to assume that "everybody" follows  what they think is tradition, when it really isn't traditional at all!

Your responses have been interesting.  Thank you, everybody.  I hope this thread continues.

CMGragain

Here is a tradition which I absolutely refused to follow:  displaying the gifts.  The gifts were displayed on long tables at the reception with cards indicating who had given what.  Everyone assumed that this was always done.  I don't think it is still followed, but I could be wrong.  I last saw it at a wedding in 1966.  I caught holy hell from an aunt because I refused to display her gift, or any gifts!  She said I was being rude.

saacjw

CMGragain said:

Here is a tradition which I absolutely refused to follow:  displaying the gifts.  The gifts were displayed on long tables at the reception with cards indicating who had given what.  Everyone assumed that this was always done.  I don't think it is still followed, but I could be wrong.  I last saw it at a wedding in 1966.  I caught holy hell from an aunt because I refused to display her gift, or any gifts!  She said I was being rude.

I have literally only seen this on Downton Abbey. If anyone still does it, it's not in my circle. 

ohannabelle

CMGragain said:

Here is a tradition which I absolutely refused to follow:  displaying the gifts.  The gifts were displayed on long tables at the reception with cards indicating who had given what.  Everyone assumed that this was always done.  I don't think it is still followed, but I could be wrong.  I last saw it at a wedding in 1966.  I caught holy hell from an aunt because I refused to display her gift, or any gifts!  She said I was being rude.

I haven't seen it since the early 70s. The gifts had been sent before (I still do that) and were all on display at the bride's mother's house, in her formal dining room. I haven't seen it since. (My dad's remark was that the bride thought she was Tricia effing Nixon.) If people still do this, I either don't know them or I'm not invited to their houses. 

Eta: This was for the same wedding where the strolling singers were attacked by outraged peacocks. Best.  Wedding.  Ever.

Simply Fated

CMGragain said:

Here is a tradition which I absolutely refused to follow:  displaying the gifts.  The gifts were displayed on long tables at the reception with cards indicating who had given what.  Everyone assumed that this was always done.  I don't think it is still followed, but I could be wrong.  I last saw it at a wedding in 1966.  I caught holy hell from an aunt because I refused to display her gift, or any gifts!  She said I was being rude.

Oh I'm sure that'll make come back soon enough lol.

CMGragain

Yes, it does sort of fit in with the ego-centric attitude of today's special snowflakes, doesn't it?  But it would put an end to honeymoon registries.  People wanted to give gifts that would be admired by other guests.  Not much to admire in a sealed envelope with "Check" written on it.

jenna8984

@cmgragain My family history is similar to yours- dad's side is Swedish and mom's side is French Canadian but has been in MA since the 1870's. Neither of them drink. Growing up when we had family Thanksgiving or family Christmas it was always the 3-4 generations sitting around talking with a small amount of food and no alcohol. They also had simple church or backyard weddings. When I asked them about open bars they all thought I was insane. They said that is a "new, fancy" thing. Again, not that they ever had a cash bar, they just didn't have any.

I was shocked in high school when I first started going to friend's houses for holiday parties and they were Italian or Irish and they had 20 times the food spread that my family had and grandparents and parents were super drunk. I had never seen that before. So "tradition" to them is very different than it is to me.