Wedding Woes

Maid of Honor worries.

My bridesmaids will consist of my two cousins (who are like my sisters), my two best friends and my fiance's sister. The time is approaching when I'll ask them to be my bridesmaids, but after a long and difficult thought process, I'm deciding on asking one of my cousins to be the MOH since she's like the sister I've never had. So what am I worried about? I know one, if not both, of my best friends will be mad, heartbroken and devastated that I didn't pick either one of them. I know one will be ticked because I was her MOH, and the other one has just assumed she already won the title of MOH in my wedding.

Is there any graceful way to tell them that they'll just be my bridesmaids without them getting angry? I know it's my wedding and I shouldn't be so worked up, but I can already feel the possible anger radiating from them.

Re: Maid of Honor worries.

  • Just tell them and if your friend freaks out (which is very rude and childish), tell her (privately) your reasons for picking your cousin.  I'd hope she can respect that.  If she can't...I think you have deeper relationship issues than her title in your wedding. 

    Also, just to make things easier...Don't gather them all and tell them pagent style who's *just* a BM and who you pick for MOH.  Tell them individually. 

    You also don't *have* to pick an MOH if you don't want to.  

    And please remember, in the grand scheme of things...This is a very small thing.  If there is 'drama', a year or two (or five) down the road, you're going to wonder why it was such a big deal. 

    mellyD2014
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You don't have to pick a MOH, and if your friends really will get mad over who get's the title than something weird is there.
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  • kata18 said:
    My bridesmaids will consist of my two cousins (who are like my sisters), my two best friends and my fiance's sister. The time is approaching when I'll ask them to be my bridesmaids, but after a long and difficult thought process, I'm deciding on asking one of my cousins to be the MOH since she's like the sister I've never had. So what am I worried about? I know one, if not both, of my best friends will be mad, heartbroken and devastated that I didn't pick either one of them. I know one will be ticked because I was her MOH, and the other one has just assumed she already won the title of MOH in my wedding.

    Is there any graceful way to tell them that they'll just be my bridesmaids without them getting angry? I know it's my wedding and I shouldn't be so worked up, but I can already feel the possible anger radiating from them.
    Was there a contest? 

    I'm going to disagree with conn on one of her points - I don't think you need to justify your choice of titles to anyone. If your friend throws a fit when you ask her to be a BM (and not MOH), just tell her that you are sorry she feels that way, but you would love for her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. If she's all butthurt and says that she will not be in the wedding party if you don't make her the MOH, then say that you are sorry that is her decision, but you are still hoping she will attend as a guest. At that point, you may want to reevaluate why you want to be friends with a 5yo. 
    mrsconn23zitiqueen
  • You must be super duper awesome if all these people are dying to be your MOH and the ones who don't "win" (seriously?) are at risk of throwing a tantrum.
    mrsconn23
  • dalm0mdalm0m member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Hopefully they will simply be gracious. People can surprise you sometimes. make them all feel special. Say please & thank you. If you are sweet they should respond in kind. {{crosses fingers, knowing weddings bring out the worst in people}}
    kata18
  • I think it's great that you are very concerned about hurting any of their egos. I would talk to them individually, not as a group, so it doesn't feel like a pageant like a PP said. Hopefully they'll be understanding. If they're really that great of a friend of yours, they'll understand the sister-like bond you have with your cousin :)

    Good luck! 
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    kata18
  • kata18kata18 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thank you for the helpful feedback! I've come to conclusion that the sensitive friend is a little too full of herself. She even got mad at me when I told her my mom and I picked out my wedding dress and that I wasn't going to show anyone what it looked like. If she ends up throwing another fit I'm going to ask she her to be respectful of how I would like my wedding to go and that she's not being a supportive, true friend like most of you have said. Thanks!
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