Wedding Themed Birthday Party....Thoughts?

AuroraRose41

So, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed today on the train into work and someone posted this. I am mostly disgusted by this, because I was under the impression that even someone with a severe mental illness can fall in love and actually get married. I can kind of understand the family giving her something that she wants for her birthday though. I guess I feel that even though she has severe down syndrome, she should still be capable of love, and still have the possibility of meeting someone to marry (even if they both need to have caretakers for medical issues). It rubbed me the wrong way to treat this woman like she will never be fit to actually marry anyone. What are your thoughts? Also, I really hope that this doesn't become a thing for those snowflakes without mental illnesses as well.

http://gma.yahoo.com/photos/woman-with-down-syndrome-gets-whimsical-wedding-themed-birthday-1402437272-slideshow/

Disclaimer: I have a very good friend whose sister has a severe case of down syndrome, possibly even more so then the woman featured in the article. I have known her for many years. She is an absolute sweetheart, and is definitely capable of interacting with people in a way that shows she can love (although maybe not in our standard definition of the word). She is capable of determining whether or not she likes someone, and hugging them or kissing them if she feels strongly for them. This is what I am basing my opinions on the subject on.

 

jenna8984

I honestly don't know. I don't have a gut reaction to either it's great or it's terrible. I would like to also believe she can find love and get married one day I maybe would have done this if she were single at 40 years old instead of 25. Anywho, can't get enough of that doggie gif hahahah

birdybride2014

I agree with you 100% that anyone is capable of love, no matter their health or abilities. I can easily understand how this rubbed you the wrong way.

That being said, though, it is so easy to place judgement without knowing the whole story. Maybe the parents and family have no intentions of preventing her from being married in the future, but knew that this would be an event that would make their daughter happy and mayyyyybe she wouldn't get to experience it otherwise? But would still support her in the future when she did find love?  Or maybe they are terrible and shelter her completely...we'll never know

I'll stick with hoping this was done with loving intentions

Inkdancer

It sounds like they did this for her because they love her and knew it would make her happy.

It still breaks my heart to think that she may never be married, and this is her "one and only chance" to experience a wedding. But then, my mother was told as a kid that she'd never be married because she was too fat to love. So I'm just against the idea that anyone can't have a wedding and should therefore get a pretend one.

Getting her hair done and buying her a beautiful fancy dress to make her feel good = yes. Pretend marriage = ehhhh.

MuppetOverlord

I thought it was sweet. Look at how happy she is in the photos.

From the article and her questions to her mother, she obviously doesn't have an understanding of what a wedding and a marriage means. To her, it is the experience of being featured in the event. No one is limiting her from loving someone. She had a day filled with pampering and special attention and I bet you she talks about it constantly.

I worked with a man with Down's when I worked at the supermarket and he was in his 30s and had met a Power Ranger at a his birthday party and not a day went by for 3 months where he didn't tell at least someone that he knew this Power Ranger and that he came to his birthday.

emmyg65

Eh, it made her happy and it didn't hurt anyone. If she ends up getting married one day, she can have a real wedding. I thought I wouldn't like it, but she looked so thrilled in those photos.

wandajune6

I read the article yesterday and wasn't sure what I thought. I share many of the feelings that the PPs mentioned. In the end, I agree with @emmyg65: "Eh, it made her happy and it didn't hurt anyone."

doeydo

Maybe I have no heart, but I don't see the point.  She has down syndrome, she can still be with someone and marry someone one day.  When she was asking "When will I be a bride?" my answer would be "When you meet someone and you and he or her fall in love and get married" sort of thing.  But no, let's have her just marry herself because god forbid disabled people ever do things that 'regular people' do.  I mean, I get that there are different levels of functionality and everything but that doesn't mean they can't have romantic relationships.

Simply Fated

I feel like it's almost degrading to her. I mean, basically they were lying to her... telling her it was a wedding when it wasn't. I feel they owe it to her to have told her the truth from the beginning.
They could have thrown her a beautiful birthday party, with a grand entrance and a tiered cake... but calling it a wedding is just wrong.

AuroraRose41

I basically wrestled with the same thoughts that all of you had, which is why I wanted to know what TK thought. She looks extremely happy on the one hand, and we don't know the whole story, but on the other, I feel like it is calling her out that she can never have a real one because of her disability. I definitely agree that maybe this was not the intention of the family, but the media is definitely portraying it that way IMO. If it was a 25 year old without a mental illness, I don't think it would make national news. @jenna8984, BF and I laugh every time we watch it! I love that the dog squeaks the ball at the end! We want a Corgi really badly. @shrekspeare, I completely understand and agree with you that most would not be able to care for a spouse correctly. And, I don't fully understand mental illness myself, but I guess I just thought that it wouldn't be impossible for two people with mental illnesses to get married and live in a home where people could care for them. I kind of envision them being able to see each other and hug and kiss and dance together, but with others nearby to make sure they are both okay. It definitely isn't what any of us would normally think of when we talk about marriage, but that was my thought at least. Similar to an older couple who were both widowed, and met in the nursing home that they live in and decided to marry each other, even though they will live in the nursing home with others to take care of them. I hope that made sense, and please let me know if I am way off in thinking that, as you have more experience dealing with this sort of thing. ETF: GAHHHHH TK is eating paragraphs

AuroraRose41

@doeydo, my friend's mother always treated my friend's sister in that way, and that's how I thought that most people with mental illness should be treated. Obviously it depends on the illness itself and the severity, but I don't think it's wrong to treat them as normal as possible without compromising the health and safety of themselves and others.  This is why I am also very conflicted about it, as I think it's wonderful that it made her so happy, but telling her the truth wasn't harmful to anyone (I don't think).

AuroraRose41

@flantastic, you brought up another good point. According to the article, she kept asking "when it would be her turn to walk down the aisle" and "why isn't she married". Down syndrome does affect people in ways that I don't fully understand, but those statements sounded more like she wanted someone else to marry. It is hard to tell without knowing her personally though, but I would like to know if the family at least asked her what part of it she wanted, the attention in a pretty dress and a big party, or actually being married to someone.

theartistformerlyknownas

Man, I don't know. On the surface, it makes me uncomfortable. It seems based on the mom's comments that the daughter doesn't understand what a wedding really means, so she probably thinks this is the real thing. That's super degrading to me. Seems like maybe this is more the mom's dream to plan a wedding rather than her daughter's dream to have a pretend one? 

I want to think this is no different than a little girl's princess birthday party - chances are she'll never be a real princess, but it's fun to pretend anyway - but it seems more like they're tricking her and that's really sad. Even if she can't understand the truth completely, she deserves not to be lied to, KWIM?

The garter picture was downright shameful.

gmcr78

I have no issue with it.  I didn't read or see anything that said anything about her "marrying herself" like a PP stated above.  I am local to this area and saw it on the news last night.
It seemed to me that it was a wedding themed birthday party, where she wore a white dress, had a bouquet and cut a cake.  Like a reception where she was the guest of honor, not an actual ceremony, unless I've just missed that part entirely.
It seemed sincere and heartfelt on the part of the parents, and I thought it was sweet.

MuppetOverlord

Mental Illness and Mental Retardation are NOT interchangeable terms.