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Update - OMG - priest made her buy a new dress

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Re: Update - OMG - priest made her buy a new dress

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    daria24 said:
    I would be making a call to the bishop to inform him that this BSC priest needs to get his head out of his ass and look up what Canon says about wedding dress colors. HINT: not a damn thing. 
    I would do this exact same thing. There are plenty enough rules to follow if you want to get married in the church- no need to be inventing more. 
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    wow that is crazy, although before I went dress shopping I contacted my church and asked if they had any restrictions before I fell in love with something. Their response- Whatever would make me look beautiful in the eyes of God.

    Anniversary

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    I would have told him it's none of his business. What would he have done if she wore it anyway? It;s not like he's going to turn her away once she's down the aisle.
    I agree with everyone in that this request is completely ridiculous and makes no sense.

    That said, actually I know of a priest who did refuse to marry a couple on their scheduled wedding day.  He told them that he wouldn't marry them if either of them had been drinking and found out the bride had some champagne that morning while getting dressed and refused to marry them that day.  I don't know the full details of what actually happened, but the story is legendary at my parents' church.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    I had a someone tell me no baced on the day of the week. I did not pick a Saturday. I chose someone else.
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    Wow...just wow. I'd walk out of that room so quickly and never look back. New officiant for sure.
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    Apparently the bride's parents are super duper Catholic and it's their church, so a new officiant or church was not an option. I literally could not believe it when I heard.


    I guess she didn't want to risk it @HobokensFury since he said he would not marry her if she wasn't in white.

    It's not like the dress is skimpy or skanky. It's not blood red, all black or glow in the dark neon - not that any of those colors should be an issue either. 

    BUT then I'm used tot he Catholic church telling me what I can and can't do - even on the things they should have absolutely NO say on!!
    A new officiant is still an option, just not one they want, I guess.
    I completely understand modesty and other dress code rules. But the color of a wedding dress? That's not something a church or temple should be dictating. That's out of line.

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    Did the church publish any set of rules or talk to the bride about her dress requirements at the time the ceremony was booked? If so, while I think that's crazy, at least it is their stated policy.

    If they didn't, as a mother I would be having a serious tall with the priest and I would threaten to go to the Bishop letting him know that cost of his power trip would be taken out of my normal contributions to the parish and diocese. I also wouldn't hesitate to tell him that I'm going to tell all the parishioners I know about this issue and perhaps the financial impact wouldn't be from one family.

    Beyond that, the priest sounds like an idiot. Doesn't he realize that there are tons of shades of white? Brides pick their attire based on the color that flatters them!
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    banana468 said:
    Did the church publish any set of rules or talk to the bride about her dress requirements at the time the ceremony was booked? If so, while I think that's crazy, at least it is their stated policy. If they didn't, as a mother I would be having a serious tall with the priest and I would threaten to go to the Bishop letting him know that cost of his power trip would be taken out of my normal contributions to the parish and diocese. I also wouldn't hesitate to tell him that I'm going to tell all the parishioners I know about this issue and perhaps the financial impact wouldn't be from one family. Beyond that, the priest sounds like an idiot. Doesn't he realize that there are tons of shades of white? Brides pick their attire based on the color that flatters them!
    Yeah, chances are good that if he had actually seen the 'champagne' dress without being told the color, he wouldn't have realized it's not 'white.' H, though not color-blind, can't tell the difference between subtle shades of any color and didn't notice that his sister's wedding gown was ivory. I only did because she was wearing a white veil with it.

    And IME pretty much all men are that way (it's even scientific fact that women can see more shades of color due to having more cone cells in the eye) since I was having to convince one yesterday that no, citrine is not the same color as chocolate diamonds. 
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    In a Catholic Church I agree with you that it's ridiculous. But I can't imagine anything but white. In order to go into an LDS temple, even the GROOM has to wear white. So I grew up with white being THE color. It's not to symbolize virginity but purity.
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    beethery said:
    beethery said:
    @JCBride2015 you should've seen the eyeball we got from FI's crazy grandma when I mentioned the ceremony is going to be officiated by a JOP.

    She's not religious at all, but I can tell she's gonna be rumbling like a crabby volcano about it. I know she won't say anything to US, but the drama will give me many chuckles.
    We already had plenty o' drama when Fi's grandfather asked us (in Italian, with FMIL translating) what Catholic church we were getting married in.  Ummm.... we are not Catholic.  So that would be no church.

    This was the only time in wedding planning I have truly been angry at Fi.  He didn't know what to say, and he got really awkward, so he got up and left the table while Grandpa was wailing in Italian, and FMIL started asking us to reconsider.  Left the room.  We had a BIG talk about that one later.
    FI has only experienced being party to an angry Italian tirade ONCE, luckily it was not our issue. Nonni was BULLSHIT because grandpa wanted her to sit down and eat instead of standing at the sink. She's kinda nuts. FI did enjoy the translation because he got to learn what 'vaffanculo' meant. Luckily grandpa doesn't understand italian, and knows that whatever she's saying is best left untranslated.

    I'm hoping FMIL's side of the family doesn't have a shitfit. French-Canadian Catholic, and one Aunt and Uncle like to foist it upon people.
    My family is extremely catholic (we're French-Canadian) and I'm talking great aunt is a nun, cousin is an archbishop kind of extreme. R's family is athiest. Surprisingly, MY family has been the least difficult in the process of planning. My family has been nothing but supportive with every decision we make.

    R originally wanted to get married in a church (this SHOCKED me but I guess he liked the tradition of church weddings even though he doesn't believe in God) so I told him that it had to be a catholic church then because I am catholic and so is my family. He was fine with that and we got the ball rolling on making the necessary arrangements until 2 weeks in FMIL said she would not sit through a catholic wedding and convinced R that if he really wanted a church wedding to do it at a church that is anything but catholic. I put the brakes on that and said "Fine. We don't have to get married catholic but we are not getting married in a church of any other denomination because neither of us are that religion! If we don't get married catholic, I want an outdoors wedding with a JoP."

    When I told my family that we ended up going with a civil ceremony, my family was extremely supportive and said they respect whatever decisions we made because we want to be respectful to R's beliefs too. I love my family. They're a class act. :) I can already tell that FMIL is quite anti-catholic but she's entitled to her opinion, just don't shove it onto me. She does know how to carry herself in public though, so I don't think she would say anything ignorant to my family. I just can't wait till R and I decide to have kiddo's though because I WILL want to baptize them.... that'll be a battle for another day, though!

    Anniversary

    BabyFruit Ticker

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    kerbohl said:
    I would have given him a history lesson.  The most common colour for wedding dresses in the medieval period was blue.  For centuries, CENTURIES, women just wore their fanciest dresses, regardless of colour.  White is not required, it is personal preference.  Personal colour preference for clothes is none of the church's business.
    I didn't tell the pastor the colour of my dress, and he didn't need to know.  If he had asked, I would have said that I'm not telling my groom, so why would I tell him?
    This is exactly right! I am Catholic and I have never heard of this idea even being hinted at! I have heard of mothers upset if their daughters didn't wear white because it wasn't "traditional" but I have never heard of a priest believing this was a thing to be dictated. I want so badly to find that priest and give him a little history lesson. Who doesn't know that white only became popular for weddings after 1840 when Queen Victoria wore white for her wedding, and it was considered an odd color choice at the time. Just like today it was basically a celebrity doing something and then all the young girls wanting to copy her.

    You know even if her family is super Catholic and everything I think this would be a good reason to maybe go to a different Catholic church and talk to a different priest about doing the wedding. You don't need to be married by your parish priest. We brought in a priest who was a good friend of the families to do our wedding
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    NEW INFO - So the wedding is at the Cathedral - so I'm guessing reporting the priest to the bishop isn't an option. For all I know the priest in question is the bishop.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    NEW INFO - So the wedding is at the Cathedral - so I'm guessing reporting the priest to the bishop isn't an option. For all I know the priest in question is the bishop.

    Not necessarily. Cathedrals have several priests in residence, and bishops rarely perform marriages, unless they have a relationship to the family. I would still have made a huge stink about it. It's a bullshit rule. 
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    daria24 said:
    NEW INFO - So the wedding is at the Cathedral - so I'm guessing reporting the priest to the bishop isn't an option. For all I know the priest in question is the bishop.

    Not necessarily. Cathedrals have several priests in residence, and bishops rarely perform marriages, unless they have a relationship to the family. I would still have made a huge stink about it. It's a bullshit rule. 
    Bride's parents are members and attend weekly mass at the cathedral. I agree, I would make a stink or have switched venues, but her family is going to let it go. The location was more important than the dress - I'm too stubborn to have bought a new dress.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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