She called off the wedding! Advice please!!!

ktjanesmom

My son just called my crying, sobbing really.  His fiance called off the wedding that was supposed to take place this September.  What do I do?  How do I help him? What do I say? His heart is broken and I dont know what to say or do.   My heart is broken too. I love this girl and was looking forward to her being my daughter in-law.  Oh GOD I feel like I am dreaming this.   Words of wisdom please.

AlexisA01

Sending hugs to you! I do not know the right thing to tell you. Stay strong and support your son.

pinkshorts27

ktjanesmom said:

My son just called my crying, sobbing really.  His fiance called off the wedding that was supposed to take place this September.  What do I do?  How do I help him? What do I say? His heart is broken and I dont know what to say or do.   My heart is broken too. I love this girl and was looking forward to her being my daughter in-law.  Oh GOD I feel like I am dreaming this.   Words of wisdom please.

Oh that is awful. I'm sorry. Just be there for him, don't push for answers right now. If he sent out STDs offer to help notify people so he doesn't have to face the same question from everyone. Mostly, just be there and don't push to hard right now.

Blergbot

I'm so sorry. Just remember not to say anything inflammatory about her (not that you would, it sounds like you really cared for her), just in case they are able to patch things up. Just be a good listener and be there for him. It's all you can do.

CMGragain

Just listen.  Don't judge.  They may patch things up later.  I am sorry that your son must go through this.  Growth hurts, and this may be part of his growing up.  Right now he needs non-judgemental love.

lyndausvi

I'm sorry. I agree just be there for him to talk to. Not sure where he lives compared to you, but maybe invite him out for a visit or you to him for support. Do NOT saying any negative about her. They could get back together and then it starts getting uncomfortable.

ktjanesmom

Thank you all for the kind words and advice.  I will certainly take the advice and just listen when he needs to talk. And I certainly will not say anything thing bad about her.  He lives very close by but he went to my daughters house for the night which is about an hour away  so I probably wont see him until sunday. 

doeydo

I would just listen, and tell him you are sorry and are there for him.

jdluvr06

I'm so sorry.

chibiyui

I'm sorry *hugs*

NYCMercedes

I'm so sorry. This happened to my son, but the wedding wasn't as imminent as yours. Good luck.

KeptInStitches

I'm sorry.

ohannabelle

Yes, just hug him and wait. It might blow over. If it doesn't, then it's best he knows now. Ugly break ups are terrible, ugly divorces are worse. 

I'm sorry. I hate seeing my children hurting. 

ktjanesmom

Thats the worse part for me ohannabelle. That my son is hurting. He could hardly get the words out when he told me.

ohannabelle

That is absolutely the worst part. We think we can (or should be able to) fix everything, but broken hearts are just beyond anything a mom can help. And it happens to everyone, I think. You sound like a good mom. Hang in there. 

MairePoppy

I'm so sorry ktjanesmom. I have no better advice than what's been offered. Best wishes.

pinkcow13

I'm so sorry to hear this. Like the PP's said, just be there for him. Listen to him, and support him. They may get back together, but if they don't, it is better that this happened now rather than after being married. You sound like a wonderful mom, and I'm so sorry for you and your son. I'm sending you many positive vibes and hugs.

lc07

I am currently going through a divorce. My husband moved out of the country at the beginning of May and my mom offered to fly in (from across the country) to stay with me for a period of time to help me with whatever or just be around for emotional support. Which was nice. That doesn't seem like an option for you since you live locally, however you can still support him.

I agree with the PPs about not uttering a word about his ex-FI or their relationship. If he wants to talk, listen and be supportive. I needed help with basic tasks like grocery shopping, making food and doing laundry and seeking help for depression. Maybe offer to drop off some meals for him that he can keep in the freezer. Or offer to come do some cleaning and laundry. If he has a pet, offer to walk or run them, etc. Basic every day tasks can get hard in these situations.

BlackLace2015

I wouldn't tell ANYONE in case they patch things up.

emmyg65

I'm sorry. I can only speak as a daughter, not as a mother, but I appreciated my parents' shoulder to cry on, ear to talk to (and no prying if I didn't want to talk), and unconditional support for whatever I decided. They watched me get back together with a guy they could probably tell wouldn't work out, but they never said anything or treated him less well, and they were still there for me when we finally broke up for good.

It sounds like you're a great mom. Hang in there.

arrippa

You have gotten some good advice from above, but I just wanted to say I am sorry! 

ktjanesmom

Again thank you ladies for the kind words.  Its a sad time in our family.  I will pray that Gods will be done and I will be here for my son in what ever way he needs me to be as will the rest of the family.

cupcait927

I've got no other advice but wanted to send along hugs for you and your son. I'm so sorry that he's dealing with such heartbreak.

[Deleted User]

As long as the "end-er" didn't do it in a horrible manner, I say, be grateful to those people.  They did care enough for the other person to end it before the marriage took place.  While this sucks and hurts, I'll bet a lot of divorcees will tell you that being a dumped fiance is better than the misery you go through in an unhappy marriage and a crappy divorce process. 

KellyT22

I've been through this. My ex called off our wedding six weeks prior to the event.

Know that there truly are no magic words in this situation, but trust that he will get through this. It won't be an easy road, but when get finds happiness again it's truly beautiful.

The things I didn't like to hear are as follows:

• You'll find someone new
• so-and-so wasn't right for you
• It wasn't meant to be
• At least it happened now before the wedding and not after

Those things just really annoyed me. As everyone else has said, just being there for him is the best thing you can do.

FiancB

I've been there, he will get through it and be better for it. Like Kelly said, while certain platitudes are well intentioned and may be true, they are just annoying to hear. It's better to just listen, and try to help him with practical aspects like letting guests and vendors know.