Change is Inevitable

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

I just wanted to share an article with you guys I think you will like.

I'll post the link HERE.  It's called "He Claims His Wife Is Not The Same Woman That He Married".  We change every day and so will our partner.  I feel like society focuses on the PPD so much that people often forget what they sign up for: a partnership.  I just found it interesting.

AddieCake

I think it depends on the change. Sometimes people do change very drastically and are suddenly living a lifestyle they didn't before. 

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

Absolutely, Addie.  The older gentleman in the article didn't seem to mention what change, but he sounded like trading out spouses was something acceptable instead of trying to understand his partner.  He made it sound like he wasn't changing and everyone else was.  

  

kla728

I have mixed feelings on the article.  While I do think that people can change in such a way that a partnership can't continue, or is even harmful to one/both of the parties, I also think getting married is signing up to work through life together as you both grow and change.  Change isn't inherently bad. 

On an unrelated note, @goldchocobo, I like your username.  I can only hope it is a FF7 or FF(?) reference.  Now to go nerd-out somewhere else...

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

kla728 I am in the same boat as you on this.  I thought it made for a good discussion

Yes, my username is an FF7 reference.  I have raced many chocobos in my day to earn that gold one, lol.  

(why can't I get the name dropper badge?  I tag people all the time.  Gah!)

emmyg65

I don't know, I think that guy sounds kind of young and naive. I've gotten to the age where a fair number of my friends have divorced, and in every case, it's been unequivocally a good thing. Painful, yes. But ultimately for the best. 

People do change. Sometimes that change is positive and couples grow together. Sometimes, they grow differently but can figure it out and make it work. And sometimes, they grow too separately to be salvageable. Marriage is work, yes. But it shouldn't be a constant struggle, every day, where one or both parties are rarely if ever happy.

I prefer Louis CK's take on the matter:

"Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it's true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and ... they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times."

selenathegreat

I agree with a lot of what Matt (the author) was yammering on about, particularly regarding making a commitment to a whole person and not a person frozen in one moment of time, accepting the reality of change, etc., but he comes across as extremely naive and petulant. I can't imagine wanting to have a "divorce party" myself, but I'd certainly rather see a couple part amicably than through a screaming match.

I also think it's very important to acknowledge that (most) couples can't imagine ever getting divorced when they get married -- just so you're entering the commitment with eyes open. I certainly don't see myself getting divorced, but I acknowledge it as a reality that could happen. I could think of several ways you could realize your spouse had changed that could be grounds for divorce -- they could no longer be attracted to you at all, become violent, convert to a very strict religion or away from one, decide that your passion in life or beloved hobby is worthless and not worth pursuing, etc.

CMGragain

Over the years, I have played the organ at many church funerals and memorial services.  The good ones were full house - four generations of family, all there to remember someone who had lived a worthwhile life.
Then there were the others.  Not many of these, thank heavens.  The church was almost empty.  A few family members in the first pew.  These were the men who had never had a committed family relationship.  They had lived for the moment.  Some were financially very successful.  They only left money behind, not love.  Perhaps they thought they were loving people, but the funeral shows the truth.
I know what kind of funeral I hope to have.

doeydo

Is it bad that I hope he and his wife gets a divorce?

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

doeydo said:

Is it bad that I hope he and his wife gets a divorce?

SITB:

I too am curious if he writes a follow up article after the seven year itch..

CamiSelene

goldchocobo said:

I just wanted to share an article with you guys I think you will like.

I'll post the link HERE.  It's called "He Claims His Wife Is Not The Same Woman That He Married".  We change every day and so will our partner.  I feel like society focuses on the PPD so much that people often forget what they sign up for: a partnership.  I just found it interesting.

This. I can't agree with this particular statement more. It reminds me of something I recently saw on Facebook... I know I am excited to get married next month but as the countdown has been on it is always "X days till R and I are married" or "I can't believe R and I will be husband and wife soon!" but a girl I went to high school is always posting "X days till my wedding" etc. Now, I admit I may just be a stickler for wording but every time she talks it always seems like the emphasis is on the wedding, not the marriage. I would lie if I said I'm not excited for the party and the ceremony but I am more excited for married life and starting this new chapter with the man I love.