VERY uneven sides. (vent)

BlackLace2015

So my fiancé has a huge family and a TON of friends he wants to invite to the wedding. I have a very small family that isn't close at all and I seem to have drifted from a lot of my friends because I am the only one who has a child. Most of my friends aren't interested in having kids or even getting married and are very busy with their jobs and hobbies. I also work strange hours and live 45 min away from my fi so it's hard to be social when I barely even get to see him let alone anyone else.

My fiancés family and friends are very supportive and treat me like gold but now I'm having a problem with my wedding party. These are the people I plan to ask...

my half sister- has really bad anxiety and may not feel comfortable.

childhood best friend- lives on the other side of the country, doesn't have much money.

best friend (already knows she's in)

future SIL (already knows she's in)

I'm worried that my sister and childhood friend will not be able to be in my wedding party, and my fiancé has been asking me how many people we are each having. I know the sides don't have to be equal but I would be really embarrassed if he had like, 5 or 6 groomsmen and I end up with only two bridesmaids. I want my fiancé to have as many guys as he wants to have, of course, but I just feel like such a loser. Advice?

Jen4948

There's no requirement that sides be even, so just ask the people you want regardless of how many people he asks, and let it go.  There's no reason for you to be embarrassed about not having as many people standing up with you as there are standing up with your FI.

AddieCake

Ditto Jen. Either have very uneven sides, or ask your sister and other friend before he asks anyone. If they say no, then tell your fiance you are having 2 people and he can adjust accordingly if this matters to you both. 

Simply Fated

I don't think you should add people or have him cut people out just because you think people will judge you.
Ask those who are important to you. Your Fi should do the same.
In the end, everyone is there because they care for both of you, right? So don't think of it as his side vs your side.

thisismynickname2

Remember the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Woo hoo, uneven sides!  

I may suggest, if FI has 6 and you have 2 (for example), have one girl on each side and 3 men on each side for the sake of symmetry.  In the end, these people are supporting **your marriage** so does it matter which "side" people belong to?  

Otherwise, 2 on the left and 6 on the right is still no biggie.  

Or, just tell FI to pick his two best friends and move along.  

lc07

The PPs have given you great advice. I'd like to add that I think this is a deeper issue than WP sides being even. You probably already feel that way, too. 

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity of friends. So I wouldn't care if "only had" two people standing with me. But since this bothers you, it makes me think that maybe it's time to address the lack-of-friends in life thing? I mean this kindly. I am sorry you feel uncomfortable having fewer bridesmaids than groomsmen.

Lauderdale Pink

Just a thought, if you are marrying in to a great big family, I am all for the symbols associated with the new union, which can include having some other ladies from his family stand up with you.  They might really enjoy getting to play a bigger role on your big day and it may help solidify some new relationships.  One way to ask might be "Cousin X, I know that you and FI are really close and it would mean a lot to us if you were a part of our WP. and it would give me the chance to get closer with you as well." 

tammym1001

I had 4 BMs and DH had 1 GM. DH is a much more outgoing person than I am and has way more family and friends than I do. He just didn't want a bunch of people standing up with him, having to rent tuxes, etc. Nobody would ever think it was sad or pathetic that he had less people than me. You will be perfectly fine I promise.

Rebl90

There is nothing to be embarassed about. My FI has a total of 8 GM and I have 5 BM, and I have no problem with that.

Whoever you choose should have no effect on who your FI chooses. 

Maggie0829

From someone who only had 2 BMs and her H had 5 GMs, I can honestly say that it did not look dumb or weird or odd or whatever else you may think it will look like.

Bubblegum5586

From a guest's point of view, you don't look like a loser at all. It looks like the people you chose are very special and near and dear to you.

lreic

My fiance and I have a similar issue. I am trying to push the perception that this is OUR wedding party. Everyone standing up is there for US. So you have a party of 6-8 total, no big deal. Organize them to stand up equally on each side, or only have best man and maid of honor actually stand up. 

Lauderdale Pink

@Ireic, I really like the idea of only the BM and MOH actually standing up.  Nice thought.

BlackLace2015

I appreciate all the advice and I would never ever try to cut gm from my fi's side. He has asked me and is following my lead so I did have the option to give him a number but I'm not going to do that. Thanks again everyone.

BlackLace2015

lc07 said:

The PPs have given you great advice. I'd like to add that I think this is a deeper issue than WP sides being even. You probably already feel that way, too. 

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity of friends. So I wouldn't care if "only had" two people standing with me. But since this bothers you, it makes me think that maybe it's time to address the lack-of-friends in life thing? I mean this kindly. I am sorry you feel uncomfortable having fewer bridesmaids than groomsmen.

Thanks I'm not even sure if it's an issue of not having enough friends, or just a difference between my attitude and my fi's. He is very excited about the wedding and seems to have a "more the merrier" attitude about both who to invite and who to include in the WP. He does have a much healthier social life than I do since he is in a band and just generally gets out of the house more than I do, so he has more aquaintances , I guess you could say. He also has a 13 yr old son who is standing with him.

He knows how I feel about having lost connections with friends while I've been a single parent over the past few years and has offered to help if I want to start a new hobby or re-connect with old friends more often once we move in together next month.

Nymeru

I'm glad you're ok with your sides being uneven.  I am having 5 BM and my FI is having 3 GM.  At first we were trying very hard to have equal sides because we felt like that was what was important (both sets of grandmas were horrified at the thought of unequal numbers), but as time went on, we realized that the numbers didn't matter.  It was about who we wanted to be with us, not who we felt were obligated to be with us (cousins we rarely see, etc.).