UGLY Reception Location Selection - Help!

futurebridey

I am getting married in my home state this fall. My fiance and I live halfway across the country near his parents. His parents want to throw us a reception after our wedding for folks that can't travel to the actual event. The future MIL took me to the potential location over the weekend and it is the MOST HIDEOUS thing I've ever seen. It has wood paneling with baby blue curtains and framed pictures of civil war heroes all over the walls. I am embarrassed to say that I am embarrassed of this location. It also went from being described as a "big party" to light appetizers at three in the afternoon. My fiance was looking forward to this "big party" to celebrate with his friends that do not have the money to travel to our actual wedding. Now...not so much. I don't know how to bring up different options without sounding like an ungrateful you know what.

CMGragain

She who pays, says.  You might suggest affordable alternatives, like pizza and beer.  I don't think the location will bother your friends, as long as there is food.

monkeysip

Agreed with CMG.  If she's paying, you can either decline her offer or accept whatever locations she decides.

You could offer alternatives (pizza and beer sounds great), but be prepared for her not to accept them.

Also, keep in mind that this isn't a reception but just a party to celebrate your marriage.  Make sure there's no wedding reception-like activities there.  

lyndausvi

I find views, good or bad, last about 10-15 minutes.  Then the guest just stop looking and focusing on the other guests.  Some guest will not even notice the walls or colors, others will.

Basically I think you are over-thinking this.  The color of the walls or the pictures on the walls do not make a good party.    A good party involves guests, food, beverages and good music.   

LondonLisa

Does the venue offend you SO much that you cannot stand the idea of being the guest of honour in there?! This isn't your wedding, this is a party someone is celebrating in honour of you. Maybe just be grateful that she is hosting something.

I think a afternoon light appetizer party sounds perfect to celebrate what you describe. You can either decline the party outright, or host something yourself. You cannot force her to host something that she doesn't want to host. Remember, this is just a party, not your wedding part 2. It isn't like you are going to be in your gown getting wedding photos here. 

She also doesn't have to throw you a party, so what she is offering is really, really nice. So you are right, you do sound ungrateful- You can either decline or go along with what she has planned- it isn't like this is your wedding! 

It also really rubbed me the wrong way that you and your fi are disappointed that this isn't a big enough party for you to celebrate your marriage.  That is really, really immature. If that is the case, you two can host something. You chose to have your wedding where you did, and his mother offering to host something was very nice.  

Lauderdale Pink

Actually, you don't have to bring up anything.  If your FI is disappointed, then he should speak with his mother.  This sounds more, to me, like he is unhappy with the changes and wants you to take on the fight.  That never ends well and will be part of your relationship with the FILs forEVER.  

STARMOON44

Gross. She's offering you a party. By the sound of it, maybe she can't afford a huge blow out at the trendiest of locations. I'd tell your FI to get a grip and put on my happy face.

[Deleted User]

Do some google research with your FI to try to find places that are very affordable that you both like. For example, does he have a favorite resturant in that town that has a party room available? Then once you find something that you like and can come across very affordable then FI can go "Mom, I really appreicate that you want to hold the event at xyz, but we were thinking of something a little less formal and I was thinking maybe we can get the party room at abc, I just love their food there."

futurebridey

Haha yes, good point! I knew from the start that I DEFINITELY was never going to say anything directly to her. Not worth the grief.

futurebridey

Well, it's a little tricky monkeysip because I think they're wanting to have a wedding cake and the whole shebang. I'm with you though! I'd prefer for no wedding like activities.

futurebridey

Good point, CMG. Pizza and beer is more like us anyways!

monkeysip

futurebridey said:

Well, it's a little tricky monkeysip because I think they're wanting to have a wedding cake and the whole shebang. I'm with you though! I'd prefer for no wedding like activities.

Well, some of it you can control, like not wearing a wedding dress, having the tosses, or bringing a "bridal party"

Having a wedding cake is one of those things that some people might side-eye, but really isn't a big deal.  And it's hard to tell her what cake she can or cannot buy for the party.

Hopefully there's not too much of the wedding stuff.  But having a party with good music, food, etc. is still perfectly appropriate to celebrate your marriage!