Wedding Woes

Uninvited Plus Ones?

I'm sure this has been discussed to death, but I couldn't find anything recent. 

The majority of the invitations we sent out to our single friends did not have a plus one. They weren't in relationships when the guest list was created and we're very close to maximum capacity. Now the RSVPs are all coming back with plus ones whom I don't know. I don't care that it's rude- but we may not be able to accommodate these people. If I get enough no's I'm fine with them bringing a date.  Is it okay to wait until close to the RSVP cut off date of July 5th before calling them? Or should I call now and just politely inform them that we may not have room?

Re: Uninvited Plus Ones?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Firstly, it doesn't matter if you know them or not. Secondly, are these truly plus ones (dates of guests who do not consider themselves in relationships) or new bf/gf of the guests? Thirdly, the rule is usually if the person considers themselves in a relationship when the invitations are sent (not guest list created) the SO should be listed on the invite. 

    I would wait until after the cutoff as you will have a better idea of what is going on if these are truly plus ones and not SOs. 

     If they are SO (bf/gf of guests) you need to find a way to include them as they are a social unit and should have been invited together.
  • JMalettasJMalettas member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
     We actually just had this conversation at work. One of the women I work with got a wedding invite, with just her name on it, but the r.s.v.p had 2 lines, to list your name, when sending it back. She asked me if I thought that this was likely for her, (somewhat new), b/f. I said, on our invites, if you got a plus-one, it was written out on the invitation envelope. That if I received an invite with only my name, I would consider it only addressed to me, & that the r.s.v.p's were likely printed all the same, for those that did have a plus-one. One of the other girls at work said that she would definitely send it back with both names, as all adults should get a plus-one. (She's not the brightest crayon). Anyways, this woman is close to the bride, & said she was just going to ask. Said woman at work is recently separated, and I'm assuming the Bride didn't realize she's been seeing someone, and invited her solo.

     Although we wrote both names on the outside invitation envelope, we had a spot on each r.s.v.p for guests to mark off, that said, "____of 2 attending." Depending on whether or not they had a plus-one, or whatever, that end # made up for a lot of confusion when guests sent them back, as we had them printed with the ultimate # invited. I think we only had one person come to us after, that asked if they could bring a boyfriend, that wasn't initially invited. Which we just said yes to. (Younger cousin, who still lives at home, and was invited with parents). 

     Anyways, to me, it should be pretty straight forward. The Bride/Groom should know the proper etiquette on who they should be inviting with plus-one's, and the guests should know, that if they're single, they aren't entitled to having a guest come along with them. 


  • I would talk to her now and let her know the truth- that you'd like to accommodate the Plus 1 but that you're not sure you will be able to due to budget and/or capacity reasons, and that you will let her know once the responses come in. I don't think that is rude at all. Weddings are expensive and personally, if I have to choose between a friend or family member, and someone's new boyfriend, I'm going to pick the person who's actually in my life. She might be disappointed but she should understand. I wouldn't wait to talk to her though. If you wait, and end up not being able to accommodate the guest, she might feel resentful for not knowing earlier, especially if they go in together on a gift, buy an outfit, and are really excited to go together to the wedding.
  • If you don't care about the +1's that weren't invited and it is a capacity issue, I'd wait until your cut-off.  Also, there is usually drop off from people who RSVP and then end up not coming for one reason or another.  We had an entire family taken out by the flu and that left 5 open spaces at a table.  

    I had to have a couple of RSVP 'conversations' and while not fun, it was what it was. 

    Good luck.  I hope it all works out. 
  • Thank you everyone for the suggestions! I'm hoping we'll be able to accommodate everyone, but wanted to have a plan ahead of time. 
    LondonLisa- The guest list was created about 2 weeks before the invites went out (the invitations were sent 4 weeks ago). I didn't intentionally leave anyone's SO out. Things may have changed in the last month though. :)
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