last minute decline after they rsvp'd yes

hyechica81

so fi just called me up and said i just got a message on my phone from last night and i just got to checking it today this couple can no longer attend the wedding they had a change in there financial situation and wont be able to come.. 

we already got a bankers check for the amount the venue wanted and are doing final arrangements and payment with the venue tomorrow.

On top of all of this  fi boss  didnt rsvp by the due date. because of where fi works they send him to various places everyday, he finally was able to see him last Thursday and he asked him and the boss said i will get back to you by Tuesday i said are u serious? i needed an answer like today so we can get the bankers check.  so now we have two people that are not coming and two people who might come.

ugh and to top it all off seating arrangements are almost done

pegasuskat

Well, it sounds even to me.  If they come you cover your 2 extra spots.  But you need to relax about it because odds are you will have no shows the day of, there is always someone who just doesn't show up, at least they did let you know.

AddieCake

We had about 10 no-shows. It happens. It's inconsiderate, but there's not really anything you can do about it. 

RebeccaFlower

Would your venue even allow you to change the numbers at this point? Check your contract before you get all riled up about it. Intevitably, you're going to end up paying for a no show (or four). It sucks, but it's not worth stressing yourself out over. You should have budgeted from them, so beyond being a waste, it should be a non-issue.

hyechica81

yes we budgeted for them.  we bring our finally counts all of our day of stuff for the reception to the  venue tomorrow  

RebeccaFlower

Get a new check for the two people you know aren't coming and tell the other two you need to know by 6pm or whatever. Can you just pay cash or a personal check for that?

goingon10yrs

Wow, glad I'm not your guest.  We had to decline my cousins DW after RSVP-ing Yes, because life happened and could no longer afford it.  Guess what, your wedding isn't their priority.  Their life is.  Oh no, you have two who can't make it, who told you in advance; and potentially two who will make it, who are telling you late.  At least they won't be showing up unannounced.  And a two for two swap, really isn't a huge deal.  

I'd suggest reading a newspaper, and getting a grip on real problems vs wedding guests who can't come to your day.

If you need to pay your vendor, pay them, assume that everyone who said they are coming, are coming.

(Ok, that was a little snarky but really?)

Jen4948

goingon10yrs said:

Wow, glad I'm not your guest.  We had to decline my cousins DW after RSVP-ing Yes, because life happened and could no longer afford it.  Guess what, your wedding isn't their priority.  Their life is.  Oh no, you have two who can't make it, who told you in advance; and potentially two who will make it, who are telling you late.  At least they won't be showing up unannounced.  And a two for two swap, really isn't a huge deal.  

I'd suggest reading a newspaper, and getting a grip on real problems vs wedding guests who can't come to your day.

If you need to pay your vendor, pay them, assume that everyone who said they are coming, are coming.

(Ok, that was a little snarky but really?)

Yeah, except for the bolded, that really was snarky and I think less than helpful. 
For those who issued the invitations, a lot of money is at stake and it doesn't matter what else you think in the newspaper is "a real problem;"  nor do they "need to get a grip" on it.  It's just plain rude not to RSVP or say "I'll get back to you" after the deadline.  Everyone has the responsibility to provide a timely response to an invitation, and nobody is so unimportant that their guests are exempted from that responsibility.

RebeccaFlower

goingon10yrs said:

Wow, glad I'm not your guest.  We had to decline my cousins DW after RSVP-ing Yes, because life happened and could no longer afford it.  Guess what, your wedding isn't their priority.  Their life is.  Oh no, you have two who can't make it, who told you in advance; and potentially two who will make it, who are telling you late.  At least they won't be showing up unannounced.  And a two for two swap, really isn't a huge deal.  

I'd suggest reading a newspaper, and getting a grip on real problems vs wedding guests who can't come to your day.

If you need to pay your vendor, pay them, assume that everyone who said they are coming, are coming.

(Ok, that was a little snarky but really?)

Rewind- I agree with this. I mis-read and thought you had four people added. Just calm down. This isn't nearly as big of a deal as you're making it. If you can't chill out now, the next two weeks aren't going to be very fun for you.

lyndausvi

I do not care if you are hosting a birthday party for your 1 year old, a BBQ for 4th of July or a wedding.  People's plans change and there is almost a guarantee there were be last minute cancellations or no shows.      Work pops up, someone dies, someone gets sick, babysitter cancels, jobs are lost (that one happened to us and we had to cancel an OOT wedding), there are many  legit reasons people have to cancel.

Some people are lucky that does not happen, but they are the exception.    It's just what happens when  you host a party.   People generally do not cancel or no show to be assholes, sometimes shit happens.      Sure there are a few inconsiderate assholes, but most are not.

It's one of those things that just have to let go.

lilacck28

please please please stop using run on sentences with no punctuation! I am constantly misreading your posts, or not understanding the relevancy of what you posted. I assume that is because of what I just mentioned. 

ps- I don't say this to be mean! I just want to be able to give you advice when you ask, but it's hard to when I often have to guess at your meaning. 

mysticl

Two days before our wedding, after we had turned in the head count, after we paid, after we had turned in the guest list to base security, we got a phone call from DH's mom saying her one brother's work schedule had changed and he was changing his "no" to a "yes" and had booked a flight.  A few hours later I opened my e-mail and one of DH's aunts had sent me a message saying one of her kids didn't have as much studying to do as he thought and he would be joining them.  She told me he could have her food and he was underage so he wouldn't drink.  

Fortunately, we had been under the minimum head count so we had to pay for meals and booze for imaginary people so we were fine in that regard and we were able to get them added to the list for security.  Otherwise we would have had people who already had base access pick them up somewhere off base and drive them on.  We had several no shows the day of.  One of my friends had car trouble and several people had something come up at work (they all worked together).  

So in the grand scheme of things your situation is really just a blip.  I get it's annoying but it's really not that huge of a deal.  

LadyMillil

lyndausvi said:

I do not care if you are hosting a birthday party for your 1 year old, a BBQ for 4th of July or a wedding.  People's plans change and there is almost a guarantee there were be last minute cancellations or no shows.      Work pops up, someone dies, someone gets sick, babysitter cancels, jobs are lost (that one happened to us and we had to cancel an OOT wedding), there are many  legit reasons people have to cancel.

Some people are lucky that does not happen, but they are the exception.    It's just what happens when  you host a party.   People generally do not cancel or no show to be assholes, sometimes shit happens.      Sure there are a few inconsiderate assholes, but most are not.

It's one of those things that just have to let go.

We had a couple no show because the husband's best friend died suddenly the day before our wedding. They didn't contact us about it because they didn't want us to be thinking about something that sad on our wedding day. They did tell a mutual friend who passed on the news to us after dinner when we noticed they weren't there and asked if he knew if they were okay. It sucks paying for meals that go to waste, but there is nothing you can do about it.

OTOH, my cousin's boyfriend got called out of town for work 4 days before our wedding. Our venue let us cancel that meal and refunded the money.

photokitty

It sucks, but people are going to bail. It happens at almost every single wedding. 

I had 5 legitimate - one friend's mom was rushed to the hospital, one couple had to go home bc the wife's BFF died suddenly, another couple's babysitter canceled. It happens. And two single people who rudely asked for plus ones, which I graciously accommodated, and then didn't bring a guest - not cool.

Just roll with it and move along. Give the boss their seats - your even again. Easy peasy. Who cares if they are sitting where they want, that's what happens when you don't rsvp on time...consequences. 

jnissa

You know, the one thing I heard over and over again from people who had gotten married a year or so before we did when we got engaged was that there would definitely be day of/week of cancels. And that makes sense. The bigger your guest list, the more likely somebody's schedule will alter. I think the thing to keep in mind is that nobody's cancellations are coming from a "bad place of heart." Just roll with it - chances are you've had schedule alterations in your life for things, too. 

offensivekitten2

Girl, you're going to look back on this and pine for the good ol days when your biggest problem is overpaying by two plates. Chill out, it's a chump change problem.

zitiqueen

hyechica81 said:

so fi just called me up and said i just got a message on my phone from last night and i just got to checking it today this couple can no longer attend the wedding they had a change in there financial situation and wont be able to come.. 

we already got a bankers check for the amount the venue wanted and are doing final arrangements and payment with the venue tomorrow.

On top of all of this  fi boss  didnt rsvp by the due date. because of where fi works they send him to various places everyday, he finally was able to see him last Thursday and he asked him and the boss said i will get back to you by Tuesday i said are u serious? i needed an answer like today so we can get the bankers check.  so now we have two people that are not coming and two people who might come.

ugh and to top it all off seating arrangements are almost done

Come on, ladies!

phira

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

melbelleup

hyechica81 said:

so fi just called me up and said i just got a message on my phone from last night and i just got to checking it today this couple can no longer attend the wedding they had a change in there financial situation and wont be able to come.. 

we already got a bankers check for the amount the venue wanted and are doing final arrangements and payment with the venue tomorrow.

On top of all of this  fi boss  didnt rsvp by the due date. because of where fi works they send him to various places everyday, he finally was able to see him last Thursday and he asked him and the boss said i will get back to you by Tuesday i said are u serious? i needed an answer like today so we can get the bankers check.  so now we have two people that are not coming and two people who might come.

ugh and to top it all off seating arrangements are almost done

Everyone else already answered what I would say about cancellations/add ons.... but I'd like to discuss seating arrangements.... how long does it actually take to do seating arrangements? IMO I'd just give the new people the old people's seats... It took me an afternoon to do my seating chart of 170 people. People have even been added since then and I still am able to find them a seat. I just don't see how you can be upset over your seating chart.

lyndausvi

I noticed in a "ummmm, where is [insert name], I hope they are okay" way (there was a tropic storm that day and all the guests were OOT).  But not in a "pissed off, annoyed I want to track them down and find out why they fuck they are not there" kind-of way

Now before the ceremony he noticed his good friend was not there.   It was an OOT wedding and he hung out with DH for 2 nights and golfed with him. It was doubtful anything came up.  DH called him up and asked where he was he was.   J answered 'oh shit, we lost track of time".   Him and another couple were doing shots at a bar     LOL -   They made the ceremony on time and J even had a beer in his hand that the photographer captured.  I laugh whenever I see that picture. 

Maggie0829

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

We had a handful of no-shows. One I knew about because she had just given birth to her son the week before and he had been in the NICU for about 5 days so I pretty much knew that she wasn't going to come and was 100% fine with it. Then I had a wife of a guy not come (she had to work at the last minute) and he brought a friend instead, again didn't care. Then there was one of H's work friends and his wife that didn't show. H noticed that they weren't there but I didn't until he said something. His friend never said anything about not coming, didn't apologize, nothing. H was kind of pissed and now they really don't talk anymore.

I think that if you no-show then you should at least send a card (gift not necessary) with a short "We are so sorry that we couldn't make it..."  I think doing that will help prevent lasting hurt feelings and making the married couple feel like you just didn't give a shit.

photokitty

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

I noticed bc my escort cads were attached to cookies and I picked them up to eat at the hotel! Otherwise I wouldn't have noticed except for the two that were close friends that I would been looking for on the dance floor. So like you said - depends who they are and if cookies are involved!! :-9

annathy03

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

I think we had one no show, but I didn't notice it until I wrote the below paragraph and connected those dots just now.  Our table visits took the majority of the reception so some people were dancing or at the bar or in the bathroom when we got to theirs, so it's possible some people I assumed were just off doing something else hadn't made it.

One of H's coworkers who declined was able to make it at the last minute, but seating and food worked out before I even knew he was there, so one of his other coworkers may have no-showed that him coming didn't cause any issues (or my venue took care of it, but I think they would have billed us for the extra meal and bar charges if we didn't have a no-show).

ETA: Love the OMH abbreviation

tammym1001

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

STIB:

We had two people that didn't come. It was noticeable to me only because we only had 35 guests to begin with. One of our guests was given a +1 that he RSVP'd yes for and she ended up not coming. I don't really care for her anyways so that worked out well The other no show was DH's priest. He called us while we were on our honeymoon and explained that his mass schedule had gotten messed up and he had to do Saturday afternoon mass. We knew that was a possibility so we weren't surprised that he didn't make it. 

jnissa

It wasn't my wedding, but my brother had a no-show at his last year and he definitely noticed. The couple in question had actually showed up to the meet and greet event the night before and then didn't show for the wedding/reception the next day. It was easy to notice they weren't there because she had very bright purple hair and you were immediately like, "Huh, where is that girl from last night?"

I think they assumed nobody noticed though, because they never said anything about not being there the next day. 

Jen4948

At the wedding of a couple who are friends of mine (I wasn't there but my BF was), a mutual friend of theirs no-showed and simply called my BF to tell him to tell them that he was starting a new job that day and couldn't show up.   The couple do not speak to this no-show, who I've met and who many people, including me, believe lacks social graces.  It's been a problem at birthday celebrations for my BF, because they always decline the invitations and then arrange to get together with him later for some kind of private celebration.

My BF wants to invite both him and the other couple to our wedding (whenever that might take place) but he understands that they can't be seated together.  I hope he can successfully explain to the couple that no, we aren't going to plan a separate wedding celebration for them just because he wants the no-show to attend.  (I'd rather not invite the no-show myself, but I'm not sure whether or not it's a hill I want to die on.)

tammym1001

DH and I also no showed to a wedding once. I felt awful about it and we didn't give the couple a heads up that we weren't coming. DH's mom was in the hospital and we thought she was doing better so we were still going to go to the wedding (DW). Two days before the wedding and one day before we were supposed to leave for our trip, his mother's condition worsened and they told us she was being moved to hospice and would not live more than a few days. We obviously didn't go to the wedding and calling the bride and groom the day before their wedding to tell them that DH's mother was dying didn't seem like the right thing to do. We told a mutual friend who was going in case anybody asked and we sent them a nice gift afterwards. They completely understood.

LadyMillil

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

I had a small wedding (74 guests) and I have a very good memory. I didn't notice people missing during the receiving line, but I did notice after we sat down for dinner that friends of DH were missing. They were the only no shows.

ETA: They no showed due to the death of a friend. They didn't contact us, but contacted a mutual friend who was at the wedding. We asked mutual friend where missing friends where. The next day we sent a sympathy message and they sent us a message to say they were sorry they couldn't make it.

monkeysip

We had a smaller wedding.  Only 57 people RSVP'd yes.  Only 1 person no showed--the best man's wife.  She wasn't feeling well.  We obviously did notice that, but of course were not upset about it.

The only other thing was that one of H's aunts decided to bring her niece instead of her husband.  I did notice this girl I didn't recognize while walking down the aisle and had a slight moment of panic ("who is she?  Will she have a meal and a seat?") until I realized later that she was a replacement, not a random person showing up.

QueerFemme

I noticed the no-shows at the wedding, mostly because, I have a ridiculous memory, and I knew exactly who had RSVPd "yes", so when we were doing table visits, I was like, oh... I wonder where [insert name] is.

Kauris

I didn't no show, but I did call my friend about two days before their wedding to tell them I couldn't make it. I had strep throat and didn't think that was a very good wedding present to spread around. 

They understood and maybe, probably appreciated it.