Request for Ts & Ps please (sad update)

JCbride2015

Thanks everyone.  This really sucks.  I've been part of Fi's family for 11+ years now, so he was like a grandfather to me too.  

@PinkCow13 Fi is holding up okay but I'm worried he's trying to hard to be "the strong one."  He went to work today and everything.  

I think I will bake something today while I'm home and we will both go down to FILs' house after work. I'll pack up some Kleenex, fruit, and veggies too.

theartistformerlyknownas

JCbride2015 said:

Thanks everyone.  This really sucks.  I've been part of Fi's family for 11+ years now, so he was like a grandfather to me too.  

PinkCow13 Fi is holding up okay but I'm worried he's trying to hard to be "the strong one."  He went to work today and everything.  

I think I will bake something today while I'm home and we will both go down to FILs' house after work. I'll pack up some Kleenex, fruit, and veggies too.

I can only imagine... I've only been with FI for a little under 2 years, but I absolutely adore his grandparents. We bonded really quickly, probably because my own have all been gone for over 10 years (and because his grandma was so pleased that FI finally found "a good one," lol)... I'll be devastated when that time comes. 

Don't forget to take your own time to mourn him, among all the comforting and helping. You are allowed to grieve, too.

mrsmorales2be

PP have mentioned having Masses said, if the family is Catholic.  Agreed.  All you'll need to do is call a local parish, ask to have so many masses said (however many, once a month for a year, whatever you choose) for him.  They'll either give you a Mass card that you can present to FMIL, stating Masses are being said for him, or you can just put that in a note in a card for her.  There's a small stipend to the parish for having Masses said, but it is a big comfort for the family.

JCbride2015

mrsmorales2be said:

PP have mentioned having Masses said, if the family is Catholic.  Agreed.  All you'll need to do is call a local parish, ask to have so many masses said (however many, once a month for a year, whatever you choose) for him.  They'll either give you a Mass card that you can present to FMIL, stating Masses are being said for him, or you can just put that in a note in a card for her.  There's a small stipend to the parish for having Masses said, but it is a big comfort for the family.

@mrsmorales2be I'm not Catholic, so what exactly does this mean?  The priest will say the Mass is in his memory?

The family priest came to the bedside last night, which was a lovely moment with the family and was very comforting.

mrsmorales2be

@JCbride2015 - yes, exactly.  When a Mass is being offered for some special intention, the priest makes mention of that during the Mass - i.e. This Mass is being offered in memory of Nonno (for the repose of his soul, other similar wording).  Masses you request will be said in his memory, and the Mass itself and all the prayers of the priest and the congregation will be offered on his behalf.

KeptInStitches

JCbride2015 said:

Thanks everyone.  This really sucks.  I've been part of Fi's family for 11+ years now, so he was like a grandfather to me too.  

@PinkCow13 Fi is holding up okay but I'm worried he's trying to hard to be "the strong one."  He went to work today and everything.  

I think I will bake something today while I'm home and we will both go down to FILs' house after work. I'll pack up some Kleenex, fruit, and veggies too.

He could be trying to distract himself. I went to work the day we found out my grandma wasn't going to wake up (she went in for a surgery and had a stroke on the table). It beat the hell out of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Aray82

So sorry for your loss, OP-prayers coming your way! I also wanted to add that if FI's family is Italian Catholic and at all religious, a mass card might be appreciated. They are huge in my mom's southern Italian family, as are things like rosaries, holy cards and other mementos with the person's patron saint...also mementos of the Virgin Mary. Just wanted to throw that out there if they are Catholic, since it's something people give a lot and appreciate on my Italian Catholic side especially. It might be nice to have a mass said for him later down the road that you can attend more quietly with his immediate family long after the more formal grieving has died down but you still want to celebrate and remember him. I'm making a huge assumption here based on having read that FI's family is Italian and you live in the northeast--just thought I'd add that suggestion FWIW.

JCbride2015

@Aray82 Yes, they are Catholic!  Honestly I'm not so comfortable organizing anything religious for them because I'm not Catholic, and our non-Catholic wedding has been a source of some conflict.  So although I'll happily attend Mass with them and (of course) funeral services, I don't feel comfortable taking the lead on religious things.

But muffins.  I can bake lots of muffins.

theartistformerlyknownas

JCbride2015 said:

@Aray82 Yes, they are Catholic!  Honestly I'm not so comfortable organizing anything religious for them because I'm not Catholic, and our non-Catholic wedding has been a source of some conflict.  So although I'll happily attend Mass with them and (of course) funeral services, I don't feel comfortable taking the lead on religious things.

But muffins.  I can bake lots of muffins.

In case you need a laugh, at first I read that as "butt muffins." I think that may be my new non-cussing exclamation. Oh, butt muffins.

I'd like some of your non-butt muffins. 

MobKaz

JCbride2015 said:

@Aray82 Yes, they are Catholic!  Honestly I'm not so comfortable organizing anything religious for them because I'm not Catholic, and our non-Catholic wedding has been a source of some conflict.  So although I'll happily attend Mass with them and (of course) funeral services, I don't feel comfortable taking the lead on religious things.

But muffins.  I can bake lots of muffins.

I understand and absolutely respect this sentiment.  I will simply add, however, that having a mass said is literally as easy as phoning or walking into the parish office.  You can always mail in your donation following the phone call.

Often, a specific date, such as their birthday or anniversary of death, is chosen.  It affords the family a chance to gather together on a special, (and probably difficult) date to remember together.  The family will often then gather after Mass for a meal together.  It makes for a wonderful way to cope on an otherwise difficult date.

CMGragain

I am so sorry for your loss.  May God comfort you, and hold you in His healing hands.

Inkdancer

CMGragain said:

I am so sorry for your loss.  May God comfort you, and hold you in His healing hands.

You always say the kindest things to people who are hurting.

Kauris

So sorry for your, FI's and FI's family's loss, you are in my prayers. 

Aray82

lolo883 said:

JCbride2015 said:

@Aray82 Yes, they are Catholic!  Honestly I'm not so comfortable organizing anything religious for them because I'm not Catholic, and our non-Catholic wedding has been a source of some conflict.  So although I'll happily attend Mass with them and (of course) funeral services, I don't feel comfortable taking the lead on religious things.

But muffins.  I can bake lots of muffins.

In case you need a laugh, at first I read that as "butt muffins." I think that may be my new non-cussing exclamation. Oh, butt muffins.

I'd like some of your non-butt muffins. 

Well, at least I guessed right :P Yeah, plenty of other non-religious things you can do to be there for them. 

This made me think of the NPR/Betty White "Dusty Muffin" sketch on SNL that was on the "Women of SNL" special the other night...

FutureMrsN3312

lolo883 said:

JCbride2015 said:

@Aray82 Yes, they are Catholic!  Honestly I'm not so comfortable organizing anything religious for them because I'm not Catholic, and our non-Catholic wedding has been a source of some conflict.  So although I'll happily attend Mass with them and (of course) funeral services, I don't feel comfortable taking the lead on religious things.

But muffins.  I can bake lots of muffins.

In case you need a laugh, at first I read that as "butt muffins." I think that may be my new non-cussing exclamation. Oh, butt muffins.

I'd like some of your non-butt muffins. 

I thought it said the same thing!  

Sorry for your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your FI's family.

stef42188

So sorry to hear about Nonno You seem like you will be providing tons of support and are doing all the right things.

One thing that helped my family after our Nonno died was making displays at his funeral with pictures. Together as a family in my uncle's living room, we looked at everything from his immigration documents to the US in the 1950s, his wedding pictures, military pictures, pictures of him holding all us grandkids - that alone helped people deal with their grief I think. It showed us what a fulfilled life he had. We made copies of these things (even the immigration documents because they were pretty cool) and put them on poster boards and displayed them at his funeral. Maybe the family wants to do something like that? 

JCbride2015

stef42188 said:

So sorry to hear about Nonno You seem like you will be providing tons of support and are doing all the right things.

One thing that helped my family after our Nonno died was making displays at his funeral with pictures. Together as a family in my uncle's living room, we looked at everything from his immigration documents to the US in the 1950s, his wedding pictures, military pictures, pictures of him holding all us grandkids - that alone helped people deal with their grief I think. It showed us what a fulfilled life he had. We made copies of these things (even the immigration documents because they were pretty cool) and put them on poster boards and displayed them at his funeral. Maybe the family wants to do something like that? 

Yes!  FBIL is already working on something like this and we are going over to FILs' house tonight, I think we'll do something like together.  He really lead a very full and loving life and I'm sure we can find lots of great pictures.