Am I the only person who doesn't care about catering to the gluten-free? *RANT*

mysticl

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

KatieinBkln

mysticl said:

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

Thanks for that article! I had read another one citing the same research I think, but of course in an actual argument, Google failed me.

I don't know that I'm even interested in denying non-Celiac gluten insensitivity--I know people whose docs have diagnosed it, so that's good enough for me, ya know? But I think bullshit fad diets are harmful, and the people who profit from them are despicable. 

mysticl

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

Thanks for that article! I had read another one citing the same research I think, but of course in an actual argument, Google failed me.

I don't know that I'm even interested in denying non-Celiac gluten insensitivity--I know people whose docs have diagnosed it, so that's good enough for me, ya know? But I think bullshit fad diets are harmful, and the people who profit from them are despicable. 

Stuck in box

I've read stuff that people with actual Celiac sometimes have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand because more people are demanding gluten free food there are a lot more options available to them than there were 20 years ago.  On the other hand because people jump on and off the bandwagon it can make it difficult for them to be taken seriously when they insist they can't have gluten.  

KatieinBkln

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

Thanks for that article! I had read another one citing the same research I think, but of course in an actual argument, Google failed me.

I don't know that I'm even interested in denying non-Celiac gluten insensitivity--I know people whose docs have diagnosed it, so that's good enough for me, ya know? But I think bullshit fad diets are harmful, and the people who profit from them are despicable. 

Stuck in box

I've read stuff that people with actual Celiac sometimes have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand because more people are demanding gluten free food there are a lot more options available to them than there were 20 years ago.  On the other hand because people jump on and off the bandwagon it can make it difficult for them to be taken seriously when they insist they can't have gluten.  

STUCKINALLTEHBOXEZALLTHETIME

Yeah, I imagine it cuts both ways. Honestly though, people have been saying "I'm allergic" when really they just mean "No thank you please" since the dawn of time (or at least since I was 5, when I found it hilarious to claim allergies to all vegetables). It's never not annoying, and I tend to think that overall it's more harmful than helpful. Like, cool that Celiac people can have cookies now, but not so cool when they have an attack because someone assured them that something was GF when it wasn't (oh, you mean barley counts? Ruh-roh).

Inkdancer

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

Thanks for that article! I had read another one citing the same research I think, but of course in an actual argument, Google failed me.

I don't know that I'm even interested in denying non-Celiac gluten insensitivity--I know people whose docs have diagnosed it, so that's good enough for me, ya know? But I think bullshit fad diets are harmful, and the people who profit from them are despicable. 

Stuck in box

I've read stuff that people with actual Celiac sometimes have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand because more people are demanding gluten free food there are a lot more options available to them than there were 20 years ago.  On the other hand because people jump on and off the bandwagon it can make it difficult for them to be taken seriously when they insist they can't have gluten.  

One of FI's good friends from work has pretty severe Celiac's. We went out to dinner with him, and he requested a gluten-free pasta. Because of the bandwagon, the kitchen didn't realize it was allergy vs preference, so they didn't take care to make sure that his pasta was completely separated from pasta with gluten. He was sick for days and I felt awful.

So yeah, legit issue = needs to be treated with respect. Jumping on a GF bandwagon because you think it's better for you makes it harder for people with actual allergies to be served properly.

gladyscf

KatieinBkln said:

Seriously, I do not care. Science says your "gluten intolerance" is probably made up. No one I'm inviting has Celiac or any other properly diagnosed issue, so I feel like jumping on what is essentially a health trend is ridiculous. Also, aren't most steak+potato or chicken+rice combos gluten-free ANYWAY? (unless there's breading. Yes, I know, THE BREADING).

 I've gotten to the point where I don't want to hear about it. I'd be happy never hearing gluten-free, paleo, "plant-based" or any of that shit ever again. I mean, eat how you want--if you really feel better eating in whatever way, that's freaking awesome. Hooray for you and your perfectly-formed poops. But I will not bend over backwards to cater to it at my wedding. Put the fancy free food in your mouth and chew it (or don't).

The bolded is my favorite part of this whole thread!! 

doeydo

I'm a Celiac, and when I read your post title I got a little irritated.  Eating wheat does damage to the villi in my intestines and increases the likelihood of health issues down the road (ie. cancer in my intestines).  It also gives me diarrhea and a stomach that hurts like hell. I know you said that you aren't inviting anyone who is diagnosed as Celiac or allergic to it, but how you do know?  Do you go to their doctor's appointments with them? 

HaileyDancingbear

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

KatieinBkln

doeydo said:

I'm a Celiac, and when I read your post title I got a little irritated.  Eating wheat does damage to the villi in my intestines and increases the likelihood of health issues down the road (ie. cancer in my intestines).  It also gives me diarrhea and a stomach that hurts like hell. I know you said that you aren't inviting anyone who is diagnosed as Celiac or allergic to it, but how you do know?  Do you go to their doctor's appointments with them? 

Given that you've just told an internet stranger about your bowel movements, I think that my close friends and family would probably say something in the event that they'd been diagnosed.

But unnecessary bitchiness aside, I'm inviting friends to my wedding. I eat with these people; I know these people. If you'd read the thread you'd see that I know people who have been diagnosed with both Celiac AND non-Celiac gluten-intolerances (not on the wedding invite list). My beef is not with your people, I come in peace, I swear! Looking back I probably should have put "gluten free" in quotation marks, because that's the kind of "gluten intolerance" I'm not interested in catering to. Celiac is a rough ticket, but so is diverticulosis, so is a peanut allergy--when you have a rare issue, the onus is on you to ask what's in stuff, not demand that caterers create an entire new category of dish. 

That's really my only problem, this strange trend of providing a GF dish (presumably at a considerable cost) at the behest of a group of people who are most likely following a fad diet. (And it's the fad dieters who make this a movement; I've never met anyone with a diagnosed issue who thought that their minority group of people should wield menu-power over a larger group).

HaileyDancingbear

doeydo said:

I'm a Celiac, and when I read your post title I got a little irritated.  Eating wheat does damage to the villi in my intestines and increases the likelihood of health issues down the road (ie. cancer in my intestines).  It also gives me diarrhea and a stomach that hurts like hell. I know you said that you aren't inviting anyone who is diagnosed as Celiac or allergic to it, but how you do know?  Do you go to their doctor's appointments with them? 

I don't think there is anyone on this thread knocking an actual medical reason like yours for not eating gluten.  We're just talking about people who do it as a fad diet, and those people far outnumber the people with an actual medical reason.

And you do not have to attend someone's doctor visits with them to know how existent or nonexistent their gluten sensitivity is- When someone tells me they can't eat gluten, the first thing I ask is how severe it is, because it varies.  I want to know if they just can't eat something like bread or pasta, or are they also bothered if there was a bit of flour in the sauce to thicken it.  Are they ok with their food TOUCHING something that has gluten in it?  If someone uses the same scoop in the container of sugar as they do with the flower, does that cross-contamination mean the sugar is also off-limits to them?  Can they TOUCH flour (I know a kid who literally cannot even touch flour or she starts to have a reaction)  

If someone actually has a medical reason or a severe gluten allergy, they will tell you, or you can ask, because just like someone with a nut allergy, there are different degrees of severity and therefore different ways you need to accommodate.  There is nothing wrong with asking them to clarify wether they just don't want breading on their chicken or will get sick if any sort of cross contamination occurs.  At that point the fad dieters will usually admit they're just trying to cut back and won't actually get sick or anything.

ride0rdie

This is the reason I am favoring the idea of a buffet dinner . The price is cheaper, too.

lc07

mysticl said:

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

I have self-diagnosed myself as not being able to eat it. It was pretty easy to figure out. I break out in hives, my tongue swells and I get a horrible ear ache and a sinus allergy attack. (My elimination diet to figure it out was per a doctor's orders and guidance, however)

mysticl

lc07 said:

mysticl said:

Fran1985 said:

I don't know where you are getting that gluten intolerance is made up. FI has been to 4 doctors and all told him he has it, even though he doesn't test for celiac. He is not trying to do it as a diet, but he will literally have major issues if he eats it. I don't know it seems like I am in the minority but I don't know how you can judge other people's allergies. Of course you don't have to go getting gluten free rolls but if they want to check to make sure the sauces don't have gluten I don't think that's a huge deal. You'd be surprised by how much stuff has gluten in it. Now FI doesn't usually ask about things like sauces because we don't want to be difficult but I find it kind of harsh to say that people going gluten free are doing it for a fad diet. No one I know who doesn't eat gluten is doing it for a diet, they are doing it after speaking with a doctor.

From the research study this article is about.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

There are lots and lots of people out there who are gluten free because they decided they can't tolerate gluten. They found out it was bad for people with Celiac and decided it was bad for everyone.  I know people with self diagnosed gluten sensitivity or parent diagnosed (and the parent is not even remotely part of the medical community).  

I have self-diagnosed myself as not being able to eat it. It was pretty easy to figure out. I break out in hives, my tongue swells and I get a horrible ear ache and a sinus allergy attack. (My elimination diet to figure it out was per a doctor's orders and guidance, however)

That's a lot different.  I know of a case where a parent declined medical testing for her kid after telling the Pediatrician she had taken the child off of gluten.  The initial reason for taking the child off gluten was the mother went off of it and it was easier to just make everything gluten free (which I totally get).  The mother then noticed "improvements" in the kid and told the doctor.  The doctor wanted to refer the child for testing but the mother didn't follow through because she wasn't looking for answers she was just telling the doctor what she had done.  So maybe the improvements were from the gluten, maybe it was another ingredient in the food, maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe the mother just wanted there to be improvements so she saw them.  

lc07

Yeah but I don't think doctors know everything and neither do pharmaceutical companies. Otherwise you wouldn't have all these recalls on drugs and mis-diagnosed illnesses and problems.

One of my close friends has MS and takes no drugs for it. She went on a MS recovery diet which is way extreme in what you cannot eat and she gets symptoms of MS when she eats certain things because of the inflammation the food causes. Her lesions had actually decreased at her one year scan whereas the doctors told her that with medication they would just be trying to prevent additional damage.

I say, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else it's everyone's right to make their own choices about their health. And food is a HUGE part of that. And doctors aren't always geniuses. In the case of a child, I do think it's important to get second opinions and continue with testing, however. They can't make the choice for themselves.

KatieinBkln

lc07 said:

Yeah but I don't think doctors know everything and neither do pharmaceutical companies. Otherwise you wouldn't have all these recalls on drugs and mis-diagnosed illnesses and problems.

One of my close friends has MS and takes no drugs for it. She went on a MS recovery diet which is way extreme in what you cannot eat and she gets symptoms of MS when she eats certain things because of the inflammation the food causes. Her lesions had actually decreased at her one year scan whereas the doctors told her that with medication they would just be trying to prevent additional damage.

I say, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else it's everyone's right to make their own choices about their health. And food is a HUGE part of that. And doctors aren't always geniuses. In the case of a child, I do think it's important to get second opinions and continue with testing, however. They can't make the choice for themselves.

You will hear no argument from me on any of this. I'm just talking about catering a wedding, man.

kaos16

Along the same lines. . . . I attended a wedding where a guest called over a poor waiter to insist that she was allergic to oil, butter, basically everything short of air. . . she could only eat chicken with nothing on it and green vegetables.  The waitstaff ran themselves ragged to accomodate her.  After dinner she was scarfing her face off at the dessert buffet.

Turns out, she just wanted to eat a healthy dinner, but I guess forgot about that when she got drunk and dessert came out.

lc07

KatieinBkln said:

lc07 said:

Yeah but I don't think doctors know everything and neither do pharmaceutical companies. Otherwise you wouldn't have all these recalls on drugs and mis-diagnosed illnesses and problems.

One of my close friends has MS and takes no drugs for it. She went on a MS recovery diet which is way extreme in what you cannot eat and she gets symptoms of MS when she eats certain things because of the inflammation the food causes. Her lesions had actually decreased at her one year scan whereas the doctors told her that with medication they would just be trying to prevent additional damage.

I say, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else it's everyone's right to make their own choices about their health. And food is a HUGE part of that. And doctors aren't always geniuses. In the case of a child, I do think it's important to get second opinions and continue with testing, however. They can't make the choice for themselves.

You will hear no argument from me on any of this. I'm just talking about catering a wedding, man.

I just don't think it's really any of our business why our friends are eating what they're eating or not eating what they're not eating. I don't think you need a doctor's permission to have a valid reason not to eat something. And as hosts, I think it is our job to accommodate guests to the best of our ability.

KatieinBkln

lc07 said:

KatieinBkln said:

lc07 said:

Yeah but I don't think doctors know everything and neither do pharmaceutical companies. Otherwise you wouldn't have all these recalls on drugs and mis-diagnosed illnesses and problems.

One of my close friends has MS and takes no drugs for it. She went on a MS recovery diet which is way extreme in what you cannot eat and she gets symptoms of MS when she eats certain things because of the inflammation the food causes. Her lesions had actually decreased at her one year scan whereas the doctors told her that with medication they would just be trying to prevent additional damage.

I say, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else it's everyone's right to make their own choices about their health. And food is a HUGE part of that. And doctors aren't always geniuses. In the case of a child, I do think it's important to get second opinions and continue with testing, however. They can't make the choice for themselves.

You will hear no argument from me on any of this. I'm just talking about catering a wedding, man.

I just don't think it's really any of our business why our friends are eating what they're eating or not eating what they're not eating. I don't think you need a doctor's permission to have a valid reason not to eat something. And as hosts, I think it is our job to accommodate guests to the best of our ability.

STUCK IN BOX GRR

I guess I agree about the judgment, but it seems we disagree about where to draw the line. If someone is going to die because wheat touched their chicken, then that's a different scenario than a potential person who could just scrape the breading off. I don't see how it's reasonable (or even good hosting to the majority of guests who might LIKE breading) to simply omit all gluten on the off-chance that someone might like it. Again, it's numbers. My judgmental-Judy attitude about the way people choose to eat or get sucked in by media is essentially a snarky sidebar. 

lc07

KatieinBkln said:

lc07 said:

KatieinBkln said:

lc07 said:

Yeah but I don't think doctors know everything and neither do pharmaceutical companies. Otherwise you wouldn't have all these recalls on drugs and mis-diagnosed illnesses and problems.

One of my close friends has MS and takes no drugs for it. She went on a MS recovery diet which is way extreme in what you cannot eat and she gets symptoms of MS when she eats certain things because of the inflammation the food causes. Her lesions had actually decreased at her one year scan whereas the doctors told her that with medication they would just be trying to prevent additional damage.

I say, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else it's everyone's right to make their own choices about their health. And food is a HUGE part of that. And doctors aren't always geniuses. In the case of a child, I do think it's important to get second opinions and continue with testing, however. They can't make the choice for themselves.

You will hear no argument from me on any of this. I'm just talking about catering a wedding, man.

I just don't think it's really any of our business why our friends are eating what they're eating or not eating what they're not eating. I don't think you need a doctor's permission to have a valid reason not to eat something. And as hosts, I think it is our job to accommodate guests to the best of our ability.

STUCK IN BOX GRR

I guess I agree about the judgment, but it seems we disagree about where to draw the line. If someone is going to die because wheat touched their chicken, then that's a different scenario than a potential person who could just scrape the breading off. I don't see how it's reasonable (or even good hosting to the majority of guests who might LIKE breading) to simply omit all gluten on the off-chance that someone might like it. Again, it's numbers. My judgmental-Judy attitude about the way people choose to eat or get sucked in by media is essentially a snarky sidebar. 

Gotcha. We choose a caterer who created separate meals for people with food restrictions at no additional charge. So it was really easy to accommodate people. We had a line on our RSVP that asked if there were any dietary restrictions. Easy, no additional cost, no other guests had to eat something gluten-dairy-soy-whatever free.

HaileyDancingbear said:

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

It's really this attitude that is off-putting to me. I mean, if you don't care about my diet, don't invite me over for dinner. Don't invite me to your wedding either because we clearly aren't that close.

I would NEVER invite people over to my home for dinner and serve them whatever I felt like and tough shit eat it or don't. That is such a shitty attitude. And in my circle of friends we have one who won't eat pork because pigs are cute, one who won't eat seafood because they don't like it, a vegetarian, 2 gluten free peeps, and a lactose intolerant person. If I want to host them, I provide something they will eat. Or I just don't invite them at all. A wedding is no different.

*Edited changed "to their liking" to "something they will eat" for clarity of intent.

babs0726

This is fucking awesome, lol. Took the words right out of my mouth!

Aray82

I feel like it's a general American health trend to eat 8 times as much of something as is good for you, and then say, "Wait! This is terrible! Let's not eat it at all!" Well, yes, it is terrible for you because you're eating it in professional football player portions and you have a desk job. (General "you" here.) The same thing happened with fat awhile back and now people are realizing that it's not the enemy...but it doesn't mean gluten is either--at least not for everybody.

Allergies, though, are a totally different ballgame...I've been really fortunate not to have any serious allergies like some of my relatives and I see what they go through in having to be hyper-aware of what's in everything when they're not eating at home. For our wedding, we're just doing our best to choose buffet selections that accommodate a variety of tastes, intolerances, and the allergies that people have made us aware of. 

My sister and my dad have cut out gluten almost entirely and they swear by what it's done for their energy levels, digestion, and healthy weight loss. Their jobs also require them to eat out and attend different events with clients a lot and they always manage to eat decent meals at catered events. I've been lessening my gluten, but just in terms of trying to eat less processed stuff in general and actually reading the nutrition info and ingredients.  

lkristenj

lc07 said:

I just don't think it's really any of our business why our friends are eating what they're eating or not eating what they're not eating. I don't think you need a doctor's permission to have a valid reason not to eat something. And as hosts, I think it is our job to accommodate guests to the best of our ability.

While the bolded is true, there is a line. Taking it to the extreme, am I expected to provide each guest with their favorite meal of choice in an effort to accommodate them as a host? Of course not. I would go broke providing all those different meals. There has to be a line and I think that providing a reasonable variety of foods that most will be able to eat at least some of is fine. I do not need to bend over backward to make sure that no part of any course offends anyone's tastes or dietary sensibilities.

I also want to mention that I do not have anyone on my guest list with special dietary needs. No vegetarians, none that are gluten intolerant, etc. Well, I guess I have one that is lactose intolerant, but there are plenty of non-dairy items already on my menu including sides. He's also very flexible, as are most that deal with dietary issues. Those with such dietary needs generally understand that they have to do whatever they need to do to take care of themselves and make it happen. In my observations, those who throw the biggest fits are the ones who don't necessarily have strict needs but rather feel entitled to special accommodation because they're speshul.

lc07

lkristenj said:

lc07 said:

I just don't think it's really any of our business why our friends are eating what they're eating or not eating what they're not eating. I don't think you need a doctor's permission to have a valid reason not to eat something. And as hosts, I think it is our job to accommodate guests to the best of our ability.

While the bolded is true, there is a line. Taking it to the extreme, am I expected to provide each guest with their favorite meal of choice in an effort to accommodate them as a host? Of course not. I would go broke providing all those different meals. There has to be a line and I think that providing a reasonable variety of foods that most will be able to eat at least some of is fine. I do not need to bend over backward to make sure that no part of any course offends anyone's tastes or dietary sensibilities.

I also want to mention that I do not have anyone on my guest list with special dietary needs. No vegetarians, none that are gluten intolerant, etc. Well, I guess I have one that is lactose intolerant, but there are plenty of non-dairy items already on my menu including sides. He's also very flexible, as are most that deal with dietary issues. Those with such dietary needs generally understand that they have to do whatever they need to do to take care of themselves and make it happen. In my observations, those who throw the biggest fits are the ones who don't necessarily have strict needs but rather feel entitled to special accommodation because they're speshul.

It's not hard to accommodate people. No, I don't think you need to provide people with their favorite meal. That's clearly ridiculous. I think you need to provide them with something that they eat. 

Like I said in my PP, I put a line on our RSVP asking if there were any dietary restrictions. People told me. I told the caterer. Boom. Done. No bending over backwards necessary. This was something we made sure was possible before choosing our caterer. We would not have gone with a caterer who was not accommodating.

HaileyDancingbear

HaileyDancingbear said:

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

It's really this attitude that is off-putting to me. I mean, if you don't care about my diet, don't invite me over for dinner. Don't invite me to your wedding either because we clearly aren't that close.

I would NEVER invite people over to my home for dinner and serve them whatever I felt like and tough shit eat it or don't. That is such a shitty attitude. And in my circle of friends we have one who won't eat pork because pigs are cute, one who won't eat seafood because they don't like it, a vegetarian, 2 gluten free peeps, and a lactose intolerant person. If I want to host them, I provide something to their liking. Or I just don't invite them at all. A wedding is no different.

A wedding in most cases has a LOT more people on the guest list than a dinner party.  If I invite a few people over, of course I'll serve what they will like because it's easy to keep track of the preferences of a few people. There is no way in hell I am tracking what 100 people will and will not eat other than "Anyone have any allergies or ethical concerns I should know about?" 

lkristenj

As someone with food issues unrelated to allergies or a medical condition, I know that not every host, every event, or every restaurant will have something I want to eat. And that's okay! I know I'm an oddity. If someone is kind enough to provide me with something special, tweak a menu, or ask me what I need, great! If not, I don't hold it against them. I don't even get mad or throw a fit or even bring it up. I have dealt with my food problems long enough to know how to adjust. I would never put my issues, which are not medical, on a host.

I don't even eat the food I'm providing at my own reception. Why? Because I'm weird and I know that most people aren't like me. I'll eat one of the sides and cake.

lc07

HaileyDancingbear said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

It's really this attitude that is off-putting to me. I mean, if you don't care about my diet, don't invite me over for dinner. Don't invite me to your wedding either because we clearly aren't that close.

I would NEVER invite people over to my home for dinner and serve them whatever I felt like and tough shit eat it or don't. That is such a shitty attitude. And in my circle of friends we have one who won't eat pork because pigs are cute, one who won't eat seafood because they don't like it, a vegetarian, 2 gluten free peeps, and a lactose intolerant person. If I want to host them, I provide something to their liking. Or I just don't invite them at all. A wedding is no different.

A wedding in most cases has a LOT more people on the guest list than a dinner party.  If I invite a few people over, of course I'll serve what they will like because it's easy to keep track of the preferences of a few people. There is no way in hell I am tracking what 100 people will and will not eat other than "Anyone have any allergies or ethical concerns I should know about?" 

It's still a dinner party (if you're serving dinner). If people can't handle hosting that many people appropriately then maybe they shouldn't. I think it's awesome that you are asking your guests if they have allergies or ethical reasons to not eat something. I just don't like the concept of making people have a doctors approval about what they feel is healthy or safe for them to consume.

KatieinBkln

lc07 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

It's really this attitude that is off-putting to me. I mean, if you don't care about my diet, don't invite me over for dinner. Don't invite me to your wedding either because we clearly aren't that close.

I would NEVER invite people over to my home for dinner and serve them whatever I felt like and tough shit eat it or don't. That is such a shitty attitude. And in my circle of friends we have one who won't eat pork because pigs are cute, one who won't eat seafood because they don't like it, a vegetarian, 2 gluten free peeps, and a lactose intolerant person. If I want to host them, I provide something to their liking. Or I just don't invite them at all. A wedding is no different.

A wedding in most cases has a LOT more people on the guest list than a dinner party.  If I invite a few people over, of course I'll serve what they will like because it's easy to keep track of the preferences of a few people. There is no way in hell I am tracking what 100 people will and will not eat other than "Anyone have any allergies or ethical concerns I should know about?" 

It's still a dinner party (if you're serving dinner). If people can't handle hosting that many people appropriately then maybe they shouldn't. I think it's awesome that you are asking your guests if they have allergies or ethical reasons to not eat something. I just don't like the concept of making people have a doctors approval about what they feel is healthy or safe for them to consume.

STUCK AGAIN

But I don't think anyone said that though. People get to decide what is healthy or safe to eat, and absolutely no one should be shoving food into their mouths at any juncture. However, I decide what is served at my wedding. If those two things align, fuckin' great! But if they don't, I don't think that's on me to make sure that my hippy dippy aunt gets locally sourced twigs and berries or my brother's friend gets a special GF meal. I'm not asking anyone for a doctor's note to "approve" what they eat. I'm just saying that without one? You might have to deal with the fact that they thickened the sauce with flour. Whether you eat it or not is seriously not my concern.

lc07

KatieinBkln said:

lc07 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

It's really this attitude that is off-putting to me. I mean, if you don't care about my diet, don't invite me over for dinner. Don't invite me to your wedding either because we clearly aren't that close.

I would NEVER invite people over to my home for dinner and serve them whatever I felt like and tough shit eat it or don't. That is such a shitty attitude. And in my circle of friends we have one who won't eat pork because pigs are cute, one who won't eat seafood because they don't like it, a vegetarian, 2 gluten free peeps, and a lactose intolerant person. If I want to host them, I provide something to their liking. Or I just don't invite them at all. A wedding is no different.

A wedding in most cases has a LOT more people on the guest list than a dinner party.  If I invite a few people over, of course I'll serve what they will like because it's easy to keep track of the preferences of a few people. There is no way in hell I am tracking what 100 people will and will not eat other than "Anyone have any allergies or ethical concerns I should know about?" 

It's still a dinner party (if you're serving dinner). If people can't handle hosting that many people appropriately then maybe they shouldn't. I think it's awesome that you are asking your guests if they have allergies or ethical reasons to not eat something. I just don't like the concept of making people have a doctors approval about what they feel is healthy or safe for them to consume.

STUCK AGAIN

But I don't think anyone said that though. People get to decide what is healthy or safe to eat, and absolutely no one should be shoving food into their mouths at any juncture. However, I decide what is served at my wedding. If those two things align, fuckin' great! But if they don't, I don't think that's on me to make sure that my hippy dippy aunt gets locally sourced twigs and berries or my brother's friend gets a special GF meal. I'm not asking anyone for a doctor's note to "approve" what they eat. I'm just saying that without one? You might have to deal with the fact that they thickened the sauce with flour. Whether you eat it or not is seriously not my concern.

And if you're my friend, you'd be concerned about my meal, IMO. I was concerned about hosting all of the guests at my wedding by providing food that they eat and made it happen. That is good hosting, IMO. If you aren't concerned about providing that, that's your prerogative.

lyndausvi

Meh, my DH deals with allergies all the time at work and it's not an issue for him.    Granted even he thinks it's getting a little out of control, but that does not stop him from accommodating.

The only time he gets annoyed is when GF or allergy people complain there isn't enough options.  Fact is they are a very small part of his business.  The key part is business.  He creates his menu around the majority of people.  In his case, it's people who do not have the issues   

KatieinBkln

lc07 said:

KatieinBkln said:

lc07 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

I give zero shits about other people's diets.  The way I see it, if I am serving a bunch of people free food, they have no right to complain.  Either eat it or don't.  Be as picky as you want with food you pay for on your own, but don't whine about a free meal.  It makes me not want to feed these people at all.

The only exceptions to that are if you actually have a medical reason (and by that I mean your doctor actually told you not to eat gluten ever.  I'm so sick of this "Well I used to feel funny but then I stopped eating gluten and now I feel great" crap- That is not a legitimate diagnosis for a gluten sensitivity.  Also that's totally a placebo effect.)  OR you have an ethical reason to not eat a food.  Don't want to support the way animals are raised and killed for meat?  Ok.  Can't blame you, I'll serve veggies.  Think cows are sacred?  Ok, no steak for you, I'll serve other options.  

For those two reasons I would work to accommodate a guest, absolutely.  If they legitimately CAN'T eat what I'm serving, I'll accommodate.  But if you technically CAN eat what I'm serving without health issues, and are simply CHOOSING to demand something else, then I am not going to accommodate you.  Don't eat then.  Or bring your own food.  

It's like I say to the kids at work when we serve snack- "You get what you get and you don't get upset."  

It's really this attitude that is off-putting to me. I mean, if you don't care about my diet, don't invite me over for dinner. Don't invite me to your wedding either because we clearly aren't that close.

I would NEVER invite people over to my home for dinner and serve them whatever I felt like and tough shit eat it or don't. That is such a shitty attitude. And in my circle of friends we have one who won't eat pork because pigs are cute, one who won't eat seafood because they don't like it, a vegetarian, 2 gluten free peeps, and a lactose intolerant person. If I want to host them, I provide something to their liking. Or I just don't invite them at all. A wedding is no different.

A wedding in most cases has a LOT more people on the guest list than a dinner party.  If I invite a few people over, of course I'll serve what they will like because it's easy to keep track of the preferences of a few people. There is no way in hell I am tracking what 100 people will and will not eat other than "Anyone have any allergies or ethical concerns I should know about?" 

It's still a dinner party (if you're serving dinner). If people can't handle hosting that many people appropriately then maybe they shouldn't. I think it's awesome that you are asking your guests if they have allergies or ethical reasons to not eat something. I just don't like the concept of making people have a doctors approval about what they feel is healthy or safe for them to consume.

STUCK AGAIN

But I don't think anyone said that though. People get to decide what is healthy or safe to eat, and absolutely no one should be shoving food into their mouths at any juncture. However, I decide what is served at my wedding. If those two things align, fuckin' great! But if they don't, I don't think that's on me to make sure that my hippy dippy aunt gets locally sourced twigs and berries or my brother's friend gets a special GF meal. I'm not asking anyone for a doctor's note to "approve" what they eat. I'm just saying that without one? You might have to deal with the fact that they thickened the sauce with flour. Whether you eat it or not is seriously not my concern.

And if you're my friend, you'd be concerned about my meal, IMO. I was concerned about hosting all of the guests at my wedding by providing food that they eat and made it happen. That is good hosting, IMO. If you aren't concerned about providing that, that's your prerogative.

Nope, not concerned about my guests in the slightest. FUCK 'EM, that's what I say! I'm serving only stinging nettles and puffer fish (got a deal on the chef--he's not "legal" to cook it but he totally swears that he's never killed anyone, so I'm down with it). 

But in all seriousness, I can agree to disagree on where the line is drawn for accommodating people. I think it's really nice of you to have gone out of your way to find a particularly accommodating caterer. I just don't want anyone to think I'm requiring a doctor's note for, like, general living. As I said originally, hooray for people eating whatever makes their poop pretty.