Wedding Etiquette Forum

WW Strikes again

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Re: WW Strikes again

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    I think it's funny people call it rule.  A rule, really?  

    What, do they expect guests to contact each other and say "Well the rule is 20% of us have to decline, who wants to be in the 20% group and who wants to be in the 80% group?"






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • saacjw said:
    We have a rather high decline rate based on the RSVPs we've received - over 30%. We had anticipated 25% because of it being close to a holiday, but were fully ready to properly host 100% attendance (and then some, our "hard budget" would have covered another 40-50 guests if we really wanted). I don't know why you would put yourself through the stress of worrying if you'll have enough room for everyone who decides they want to come to the wedding!
    Yup, us too. We invited just over 200 and had right around 130 show. We also got married near a holiday, the same weekend as a lot of our friends' grad school finals, and I had an entire side of the family not able to come because of a new baby. I also at some point told my stepdad to stop trying to invite more people because we were going to run out of space at the church. I also just don't know why you'd invite people and then not even want them to come! Plan better people, plan better. 
    Family expectations?  Neither FI nor I really had a desire to have a large wedding.  My side of the family, however, typically hosts "everyone and their mom" weddings, so I made a point to nonchalantly run the small wedding idea by my parents to make sure they didn't care.  We would have at least *considered* inviting more if it was going to be an issue with my folks.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • lyndausvi said:
    I know this sounds bad, but $24k is hardly an expensive wedding to me.   DH did a wedding this past weekend where the apps alone where $10k.   That was just food for cocktail hour.  Does not include beverages.  No idea what dinner and dessert costs.   Let alone the tent or live entertainment.  Or the 10 buses they hired to shuttle all the guests around.  Their next day brunch food was over $20K.   Again, that is just food, no beverages.

    So while it's tacky to even post, I think it's funny to ask "who has a bigger budget than my $24K".   Sweetie, lots of people do, they are just too classy to  brag about such things.




    SITB

    Damn that sound swanky. 
    image
  • And sorry for the triple post but:
    "To be honest there's a million things I never knew were bad until I joined WW. No one I am inviting is getting married and never go on here so how would they know whats right or wrong. I think just do what you want, screw the etiquette, and make sure your guest are happy. In the end its your day not theirs, and people are going to talk anyways so who cares"
    image
    image
  • lyndausvi said:
    I know this sounds bad, but $24k is hardly an expensive wedding to me.   DH did a wedding this past weekend where the apps alone where $10k.   That was just food for cocktail hour.  Does not include beverages.  No idea what dinner and dessert costs.   Let alone the tent or live entertainment.  Or the 10 buses they hired to shuttle all the guests around.  Their next day brunch food was over $20K.   Again, that is just food, no beverages.

    So while it's tacky to even post, I think it's funny to ask "who has a bigger budget than my $24K".   Sweetie, lots of people do, they are just too classy to  brag about such things.




    SITB

    Damn that sound swanky. 
    Want to hear something interesting?

    This family is very, very wealth.   The hosted some sort of meal starting Wednesday night - Sunday.  They paid for rafting trip, fly fishing, golf lessons.   Transportation for all the guests each day.  10's of thousand on beverage and food.  Live band the whole nine yards.

    The same weekend there was another wedding is Aspen who spend even more money than the couple above.

    Point is, it doesn't matter how much money you can afford to spend or more important WANT to spend, there is always someone else who can or will spend more.  It's just the way it is.  It's silly to get caught up on what others spend on their wedding.   It's not a contest.   Since you can properly host guest on any budget it really doesn't matter.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • And sorry for the triple post but:
    "To be honest there's a million things I never knew were bad until I joined WW. No one I am inviting is getting married and never go on here so how would they know whats right or wrong. I think just do what you want, screw the etiquette, and make sure your guest are happy. In the end its your day not theirs, and people are going to talk anyways so who cares"
    image
    I don't think they realize that these two things are in direct opposition. If you "screw the etiquette", most of your guests won't be happy. Some will let things slide, but most won't.

    Sure, people will talk, but I'd rather they say something like, "I didn't like the cake flavors," which I can't do much about than something like, "I had to stand through the entire ceremony because they didn't have enough chairs."
  • lyndausvi said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I know this sounds bad, but $24k is hardly an expensive wedding to me.   DH did a wedding this past weekend where the apps alone where $10k.   That was just food for cocktail hour.  Does not include beverages.  No idea what dinner and dessert costs.   Let alone the tent or live entertainment.  Or the 10 buses they hired to shuttle all the guests around.  Their next day brunch food was over $20K.   Again, that is just food, no beverages.

    So while it's tacky to even post, I think it's funny to ask "who has a bigger budget than my $24K".   Sweetie, lots of people do, they are just too classy to  brag about such things.




    SITB

    Damn that sound swanky. 
    Want to hear something interesting?

    This family is very, very wealth.   The hosted some sort of meal starting Wednesday night - Sunday.  They paid for rafting trip, fly fishing, golf lessons.   Transportation for all the guests each day.  10's of thousand on beverage and food.  Live band the whole nine yards.

    The same weekend there was another wedding is Aspen who spend even more money than the couple above.

    Point is, it doesn't matter how much money you can afford to spend or more important WANT to spend, there is always someone else who can or will spend more.  It's just the way it is.  It's silly to get caught up on what others spend on their wedding.   It's not a contest.   Since you can properly host guest on any budget it really doesn't matter.
    That sounds AWESOME. And yuuuuup, totally agree.
    image
  •  
    kasmith1 said:
    I commented, I'm sure they won't like what I have to say, because I tell them they need a little perspective. Haha!

    I actually signed in, just so I could. What a clusterfk

  • I feel that way reading all of the boards...I think I must like train wrecks and/or pot stirring...in no way is etiquette spelled ediquite
  • lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny people call it rule.  A rule, really?  

    What, do they expect guests to contact each other and say "Well the rule is 20% of us have to decline, who wants to be in the 20% group and who wants to be in the 80% group?"
    It's a rule of thumb. Not a rule:

    "rule of thumb is a principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation. It is an easily learned and easily applied procedure for approximately calculating or recalling some value, or for making some determination. "
    Anniversary
  • ashleyep said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny people call it rule.  A rule, really?  

    What, do they expect guests to contact each other and say "Well the rule is 20% of us have to decline, who wants to be in the 20% group and who wants to be in the 80% group?"
    It's a rule of thumb. Not a rule:

    "rule of thumb is a principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation. It is an easily learned and easily applied procedure for approximately calculating or recalling some value, or for making some determination. "
    I do not need a vocabulary lesson.   I was being sarcastic.   The title of the post was 20-30% decline RULE".  Not rule of thumb.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • edited June 2014
    or http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/why-do-people-not-like-the-knot-message-boards/a729b66f1419674c.html Next, can there be a West Side Story style street dance fight? Sorry--Keeps eating my paragraphs.
  • OMG GUYS. Somebody on the internet might comment about what we post on the internet! Is nothing sacred?
    image



    Anniversary
  • Oh No! Not my potluck wedding!

  • I like that one of the girls on WW said "You have to admit that we aren't so great at giving constructive feedback for not-so-great ideas"
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • Holy crap one girl on there said she has 400 guests with a buffet and no seating assignments. What a disaster!

                                                                     

    image

  • I like how in the Etiquette Schmetiquette thread quite a few of the things listed weren't against etiquette.  TAKE THAT ANTI-ETIQUETTE HIPSTERS.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • Eh, I don't disagree with a lot of what they're saying. This is the only forum I post on, but I don't really disagree with their assessments of our behavior.
    Anniversary
  • ashleyep said:
    Eh, I don't disagree with a lot of what they're saying. This is the only forum I post on, but I don't really disagree with their assessments of our behavior.
    Neither do I, but from what I've gathered in my time on wedding forums, neither party is entirely innocent.  

    I think we should settle it via West Side Story street dance fight, as suggested by Emmy.

    Or, you know, just acknowledge that its two different forum cultures and we'll never be the same and if we were then there wouldn't be any need for separate forums anymore.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • Emmy211 said:
    or http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/why-do-people-not-like-the-knot-message-boards/a729b66f1419674c.html Next, can there be a West Side Story style street dance fight? Sorry--Keeps eating my paragraphs.
    This is hilarious.
    Shrek, where do you get those signature quotes?!  Didn't you have a Hamlet one a few days ago?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • This is my favourite...

    @Melissa i totally agree with you, why are they posting our comments to their forums and then making fun of them. That is so childish and so wrong!!!! Is it people on this site posting them to TK, or are they the trolls on here posting it to TK website? Makes me not even want to post stuff on here!

    Um...pot met kettle?
  • perdonamiperdonami member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited June 2014
    "Marina Wedding: 08/23/2014 Jun 19, 2014 at 9:22 AM • Flag As Inappropriate • http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1030019/email-thank-you-notes This is why. I reposted the same question I had posted here to the Knot, and a good chunk of the responses I got were snarky bitchy "if you did that, I would never give you a gift again" types. " I knew it was MUD. ETA: No paragraphs for me today.
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