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I ended the friendship..

EverAferEverAfer member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
edited June 2014 in Chit Chat
You guys are my sounding board for etiquette...So tell me if I'm right.

One of my friends got engaged the same time I did last year but they have no plans to get married. This spring, she invited me to dinner and told me they are getting married in 2 months at a private wedding, with just me and FI and children as guests. But she needed help planning. I agreed to help with planning since I'm planning mine anyway but didn't jump on a bachelorette party since she thought I could invite the regular crew...She suggested it and included my friends/families and I didn't feel it was right (plus they're my friends and family-and yes I bring the crew out for partying..but to me bachelorette are for people invited to your wedding or your friends/family-not mine).

I didn't feel like I should invite them out just so this bride can feel like it's her bach! Plus I thought it was weird that I was the only other couple invited, she has other friends she's closer to.

Anyways...I followed up with suggestions on places to buy a gown, searched for an officiant, offered to go shopping and help-though I admit my schedule was hard since I am planning my own wedding-but I did the best I could.

A few weeks later, we had dinner together with our FI. She told me they were postponing the wedding indefinitely. I accepted it and move on.

Then I find out through Facebook that she did get married on the day she originally told me....and there were 20 other people there. Thank you Facebook.

I was pissed that 3 weeks before she sat across from me and told me the wedding is on hold. I would be fine if she said she changed her mind, hurt but would've accepted it. She knows I know cause I congratulated her on Facebook. She still said nothing.

So I decided to end the friendship.

I respect the private wedding, but cannot get over that this girl ASKED me for help, then lied to my face. I have no idea what happened on her side. But I just can't, don't want to open a conversation with her. I just feel like it's up to her to make the effort and explain herself. Not for me to ask her why she lied.

I guess I'm just ranting, sorry for the long post. I just can't figure out what I did wrong or if I could have done anything differently.
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Re: I ended the friendship..

  • I seriously thought she was a good friend. To this day, I'm still hoping that there's a logical excuse and that I read it wrong.
  • Sorry... that was pretty inexcusable on her part. Sounds more like she was using you. If you really want to know why she did what she did, you may have to confront her. You may never get an answer otherwise. Or, you can just forget about her and the friendship because it sounds like this is the kind of person who you really don't need in your life. It sucks when a friend shows their true colors... but sometimes you just have to move on.

    SaveSave
  • I felt used, and I want to know what happened but I just can't...I feel like it's on her to bring it up and apologize.
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can't think of a single good reason that she would do this. With that said, I've always believed I only bring up problems and argue with people who matter to me. Because I want to fight for them to be in my life. It's your call if you want to bring this up to her or not. There are friends of mine that I would be speed-dialing this instant about this. And others that I would let go.
    EverAfer
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Oh, wow. Yeah, she's an asshole. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    EverAfer
  • EverAfer said:
    I felt used, and I want to know what happened but I just can't...I feel like it's on her to bring it up and apologize.

    DAMMIT STIB. 

    You're right on both counts- she did use you, she manipulated you and made some pretty dick moves. You did the right thing because she clearly doesn't respect you enough for friendship. 

    But I wouldn't hold my breath for an apology- if you don't want to confront her, then just let it die.
  • I don't even understand WHY she would do something like this. 

    When you say you ended the friendship, did you actually speak to her? Just curious. 
  • SenecafSenecaf member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    Whaaa? I don't understand that. What a major jerk move on her part. I seriously don't get it.

    I'm sorry. I would be very hurt too.

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What a fucking jerk! I'm so sorry. 

  • @RebeccaFlower, we had plans for something that was originally scheduled before all this blew up.

    The day before it, she texted and messaged, "so...are we still on?" I just replied no, to see if she says, why or what happened.  She didn't.

    I took her off the invite list, thank goodness it happened almost 2 months before invites went out.

  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow. What a bitch. Screw her. Like they say, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
                                 Anniversary
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    EverAfer
  • EverAfer said:
    @RebeccaFlower, we had plans for something that was originally scheduled before all this blew up.

    The day before it, she texted and messaged, "so...are we still on?" I just replied no, to see if she says, why or what happened.  She didn't.

    I took her off the invite list, thank goodness it happened almost 2 months before invites went out.

    SIB:
    I can be a total bitch, so I would totally have to say something. That is just beyond wild. Fuck her.
    EverAfer
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Who does that? "Hey friend, help me plan my super intimate wedding. That you won't be invited to."

    Fuck her. I think you made the right call, although I agree with PPs that if you want answers you'll have to confront her. I'm not sure what she could possibly say that wouldn't just piss you off more, though. The only real answer she could give is, "I'm a terrible person." Which is not new information.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    Inkdancer
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    This is Ty Cray.  Cut that bitch out ya life.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    EverAfer
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I mean... I can be a giant bitch sometimes. I'll own that. But this is just so far beyond bitchy that the word doesn't even apply anymore. I just can't even. 

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    EverAfer
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I most certainly wouldn't hold my breath for her to approach you and apologize. She probably doesn't realize how shitty she acted or she just doesn't care. Either way I hope you can let this go without closure from her. Closure is something you can reach on your own. While I know she has not sought forgiveness, you need to forgive her and then forget her. Even if you write a letter to her, that you never send, it at least gets your feelings out, on paper (or computer). It will help you put it and her behind you, which is where she deserves to be.

  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    I would want to find out if there was some kind of weird thing going on first. If she blew me off from there, I would then send an email/message/etc. I am not a nice person when I am upset, and if someone that I'd previously considered a friend did this to me, the angry email script would go as follows:

    "I want to extend my appreciation for your choosing me to be your wedding planner. I was so happy to see on facebook that your big day was lovely.

    It pleases me greatly to announce that you can FUCK YOURSELF. You are an underhanded, deceitful twat, and I am so fucking glad that we are no longer friends, or even acquaintances, and hopefully not associated in any further way. Had I known that you are such a worthless spent enema, I would never have deigned to speak to you.

    If you find that you are becoming angry with me, please remind yourself not to make eye contact when I see you in hell."

    Oh, and block her email address or other means of contacting you, she ain't worth your fucking time.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    KatieinBklnashley8918KGold80
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm so sorry you had to deal with this absolute ignorance and nonsense. You did the right thing, even if it does hurt. She is a total selfish, self-centered bitch.

     







  • Agreed with all of you.

    I'm just going to keep her out of my life.
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm channeling my dad here... she did you a favor. She made it clear that she no longer deserves to be in your life. Many of us waste endless amounts of time and energy learning that lesson. You wasted time but now know that it's time to spot. Be grateful!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    EverAfer
  • You should just send her an invoice for being a wedding planner.
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    beetheryKatieinBklnKGold80EverAfer
  • You should just send her an invoice for being a wedding planner.

    SITB

    That's exactly what I was thinking!
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    LabLove86hikebikebemerryEverAferpinkshorts27
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
  • I had a blow up with one of my maids a few years ago, right before I met FI.  I couldn't stand to look at her.  I just shut up, waiting for her to ask what happened.  She never did.  It's taken three years, but I got over it.  I had to process everything and decide what I wanted to do.  I had to let go of it.  Now, I don't even think of it.  Things are wonderful between us and maybe one day we will discuss why I cut her out of my life for almost three years.  I know it could have gone the other way, with me holding the grudge and not friends with her.  The one thing that helps me when I am upset is writing a letter to the person.  And not sending it.  I put it away and read it after I'm not so upset.  If I still feel the same way, I send it.  Otherwise, I just keep it and remember how things and feelings change.  It's hard losing a friend, especially a good one.  It's like mourning.  Work on yourself and forgive her for yourself.  You can decide later if you want to forgive her.  Good luck.
    Happiness is an inside job
    EverAfer
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    beethery said:
    I would want to find out if there was some kind of weird thing going on first. If she blew me off from there, I would then send an email/message/etc. I am not a nice person when I am upset, and if someone that I'd previously considered a friend did this to me, the angry email script would go as follows:

    "I want to extend my appreciation for your choosing me to be your wedding planner. I was so happy to see on facebook that your big day was lovely.

    It pleases me greatly to announce that you can FUCK YOURSELF. You are an underhanded, deceitful twat, and I am so fucking glad that we are no longer friends, or even acquaintances, and hopefully not associated in any further way. Had I known that you are such a worthless spent enema, I would never have deigned to speak to you.

    If you find that you are becoming angry with me, please remind yourself not to make eye contact when I see you in hell."

    Oh, and block her email address or other means of contacting you, she ain't worth your fucking time.
    Am I a horrible person for thinking you should send her one of your wedding invitations with all of the info blacked out plus this note inside?
    You are fucking brilliant.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    paperpusher
  • You guys are awesome!
    beethery said:




    beethery said:

    I would want to find out if there was some kind of weird thing going on first. If she blew me off from there, I would then send an email/message/etc. I am not a nice person when I am upset, and if someone that I'd previously considered a friend did this to me, the angry email script would go as follows:

    "I want to extend my appreciation for your choosing me to be your wedding planner. I was so happy to see on facebook that your big day was lovely.

    It pleases me greatly to announce that you can FUCK YOURSELF. You are an underhanded, deceitful twat, and I am so fucking glad that we are no longer friends, or even acquaintances, and hopefully not associated in any further way. Had I known that you are such a worthless spent enema, I would never have deigned to speak to you.

    If you find that you are becoming angry with me, please remind yourself not to make eye contact when I see you in hell."

    Oh, and block her email address or other means of contacting you, she ain't worth your fucking time.

    Am I a horrible person for thinking you should send her one of your wedding invitations with all of the info blacked out plus this note inside?

    You are fucking brilliant.

    paperpusher
  • lovemyrunnerlovemyrunner Nebraska member
    Ninth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    beethery said:
    I would want to find out if there was some kind of weird thing going on first. If she blew me off from there, I would then send an email/message/etc. I am not a nice person when I am upset, and if someone that I'd previously considered a friend did this to me, the angry email script would go as follows:

    "I want to extend my appreciation for your choosing me to be your wedding planner. I was so happy to see on facebook that your big day was lovely.

    It pleases me greatly to announce that you can FUCK YOURSELF. You are an underhanded, deceitful twat, and I am so fucking glad that we are no longer friends, or even acquaintances, and hopefully not associated in any further way. Had I known that you are such a worthless spent enema, I would never have deigned to speak to you.

    If you find that you are becoming angry with me, please remind yourself not to make eye contact when I see you in hell."

    Oh, and block her email address or other means of contacting you, she ain't worth your fucking time.
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    paperpusherEverAfer
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