Groom's sister taking over wedding (+ quick intro)

MirrorFatherMirror

Hi, everyone. I am the Matron of Honor in my younger sister's wedding this next spring. Unfortunately, I live a few hours away with a brand new baby, so I feel like a bit of a schlub sometimes as far as my ability to physically be there for some of the wedding stuff. The groom's sister, who happens to live in the same city as me, is there for everything. And she is a very, how to say... take charge person. The current problem is the bachelorette party. I haven't really started planning it at all, since the wedding is still 10 months away. I do, however, have a few things in mind I thought would be nice. Yesterday, my sister calls me and out of the blue asks what I think of a Disney World Vacation wedding bachelorette party, because "Groom's sister proposed planning it and I thought that would be cool". I tried to protest by saying I'm not comfortable with asking the whole wedding party to take time off/shell out for something like that, and she informs me she's already asked all of them if they want to do it and they said "sure". Wtf. I can't afford a trip to WDW for myself plus subsidizing hers and I'm not asking anyone else to, either, as I'm pretty sure they all just said "sure" because they felt as caught off guard as me.

So, tl;dr, I don't know what to do about helping with the big MOH stuff, because clearly groom's sister is shoehorning herself in with crazy expensive ideas (she did the same for the engagement party, which she offered to host but then expected me to help pay for) and getting my sister all excited, so then I feel like a gigantic asshole poopooing the idea. She also invited herself along to every dress shopping outting, etc. and was not shy about giving all of her input on everything my sister tried on. Guess what, chick; it's not your wedding.

ETA: My sister, in interest of maintaining family peace, will not stand up to her whatsoever. Am I allowed to quit my own sister's wedding?

Maggie0829

You need to leave your sister out of this from this point on.  You need to speak directly to the FSIL and discuss these things with her.  

If you can't afford to go on a Disney World bach trip then you can't afford to go.  It sucks but you just need to decline and your sister should understand.

If the FSIL decides to arrange another party without your input and then request money from you, you simply tell her "I'm sorry but I cannot contribute to a party where I was not included in the planning."

I get this girl is irritating you and may be stepping on some toes but when it comes to the wedding and her inserting herself that is your sister's battle to fight not yours.  You should only worry about any pre-wedding parties that you want to be a part of.

manateehugger

It's easy to say "OMG that sounds sooo fun!!!" and then once cost breakdowns actually start happening, these girls start to be like, "Yeah, I can't afford that."

Does your sister want a Disney b-party? If not, encourage her to say thanks but no thanks. She doesn't have to stand up to her per se, she can just say, "That sounds really fun, and thank you for being so generous to think of a big b-party for me, but Disney isn't my thing and I'd rather have something more low-key so more people can attend. Thank you so much for thinking of me though."

If she does want the Disney party, tell her to ask FSIL for a budget breakdown so she can send it out to you and all other girls in attendance. And if you can't afford to go, you can't afford to go. I'm going to guess you will not be the only one. Again, ideas are fun and exciting. Dropping big wads of cash on those ideas is not fun and exciting.

I get that it's hard to watch your sister run off with FSIL because you can't be around as much. Just try to stay as relaxed as possible and plan on being there for your sister during the wedding weekend. Don't let FSIL get to you. There's no reason to "quit" unless you just want to. But as MOH, you have no duties except to be there appropriately attired and be happy for your sister on her wedding day. You are the MOH no matter how much you plan or don't plan.

Finally, go watch Bridesmaids. This seems like a variation of that plot.

mysticl

PDKH said:

It's easy to say "OMG that sounds sooo fun!!!" and then once cost breakdowns actually start happening, these girls start to be like, "Yeah, I can't afford that."

Does your sister want a Disney b-party? If not, encourage her to say thanks but no thanks. She doesn't have to stand up to her per se, she can just say, "That sounds really fun, and thank you for being so generous to think of a big b-party for me, but Disney isn't my thing and I'd rather have something more low-key so more people can attend. Thank you so much for thinking of me though."

If she does want the Disney party, tell her to ask FSIL for a budget breakdown so she can send it out to you and all other girls in attendance. And if you can't afford to go, you can't afford to go. I'm going to guess you will not be the only one. Again, ideas are fun and exciting. Dropping big wads of cash on those ideas is not fun and exciting.

I get that it's hard to watch your sister run off with FSIL because you can't be around as much. Just try to stay as relaxed as possible and plan on being there for your sister during the wedding weekend. Don't let FSIL get to you. There's no reason to "quit" unless you just want to. But as MOH, you have no duties except to be there appropriately attired and be happy for your sister on her wedding day. You are the MOH no matter how much you plan or don't plan.

Finally, go watch Bridesmaids. This seems like a variation of that plot.

Yeah, I wonder if they realize just how much those park tickets cost. 

Lauderdale Pink

OK, first, deep breath time, and congrats on the new baby.  Next, NOBODY will ever take your prlace in your sister's life, no matter how they try.  As MOH, you buy the dress, show up for the wedding sober and alert, and that is IT.  If there are events that you cannot attend, make your peace with it and move on.  I honestly cannot understand the trend in very expensive bach. parities anyway. Kiss your baby and have a great day.

MairePoppy

Since your sister approached you directly, you should tell her that you can't afford to attend or contribute to the DW bp, but you hope she has a great time without you.  I suspect you won't be the only one who can't go to Disney. Those grand ideas have a way of fizzling out once payments are due.