only sibling excluded from wedding duties

chelcya

I got married last year. My two brothers were Ushers. We only had 2 bridesmaids and groomsmen each. My brother is getting married this summer and my other brother is in the wedding party, as well as the bride's 3 brothers. I've only been INVITED to their wedding. I went to her bridal shower recently, and he didn't even acknowledge me. I had to go out of my way to make her say hi to me. To give a little back story, the bride has never given me a chance. She is one of the types whose own family is everything, and her fiancé's is nothing. They'll take her mom out for her birthday, but my mom won't get a phone call, etc. Yeah, I don't like her. Maybe she has gotten wind of that courtesy of said brother. The problem is, I love my him! I feel really sad to be excluded from the wedding party like I'm a serial killer or a genuine nobody. I want to just go, but it tears me up inside to be sitting in the bleachers like I mean nothing to them. Am I being selfish? I know it is their day, I'm not trying to cause trouble, my feelings are just really hurt....

beethery

Be excited to just go to their wedding. Be more excited that you didn't get an "honorary" duty like having to be an usher or getting assigned to hand out programs, guard the guest book, or be the gift table watchdog. Nothing about those duties is an honor.

Also, if you and the bride aren't really good friends, it would be extremely awkward to be in the wedding party. You didn't include your FSIL in your wedding party, and you didn't have to. She doesn't have to include you in hers.

Honestly, the rest of the guests that are related to the B&G probably don't feel like serial killers or nobodies. They probably feel pretty jazzed to be invited as guests.

Her relationship with her family is her and and her FH's business. Could your brother try a little harder to be more in touch with your family? Sure. Is it your responsibility to get involved and make it happen? Nope.

MairePoppy

Your brother is responsible for his relationships with his family members. If he forgets his mother's birthday, it's on him, not his fi. Likewise, he could have chosen to have you stand on his side if he wanted. You need to fix things with your brother. Tell him you love him and wish him the best in his marriage. Don't make any negative comments about his future wife. 

sophhabobopha

beethery said:

Be excited to just go to their wedding. Be more excited that you didn't get an "honorary" duty like having to be an usher or getting assigned to hand out programs, guard the guest book, or be the gift table watchdog. Nothing about those duties is an honor.

Also, if you and the bride aren't really good friends, it would be extremely awkward to be in the wedding party. You didn't include your FSIL in your wedding party, and you didn't have to. She doesn't have to include you in hers.

Honestly, the rest of the guests that are related to the B&G probably don't feel like serial killers or nobodies. They probably feel pretty jazzed to be invited as guests.

Her relationship with her family is her and and her FH's business. Could your brother try a little harder to be more in touch with your family? Sure. Is it your responsibility to get involved and make it happen? Nope.

THIS.

climbingsingle

Yes, you're being selfish. You're not close with the bride, but you expect her to ask you to be a bridesmaid? 

As a PP said, your brother is responsible for maintaining his relationships with his family. 

slothiegal

chelcya said:

I got married last year. My two brothers were Ushers. We only had 2 bridesmaids and groomsmen each. My brother is getting married this summer and my other brother is in the wedding party, as well as the bride's 3 brothers. I've only been INVITED to their wedding. I went to her bridal shower recently, and he didn't even acknowledge me. I had to go out of my way to make her say hi to me. To give a little back story, the bride has never given me a chance. She is one of the types whose own family is everything, and her fiancé's is nothing. They'll take her mom out for her birthday, but my mom won't get a phone call, etc. Yeah, I don't like her. Maybe she has gotten wind of that courtesy of said brother. The problem is, I love my him! I feel really sad to be excluded from the wedding party like I'm a serial killer or a genuine nobody. I want to just go, but it tears me up inside to be sitting in the bleachers like I mean nothing to them. Am I being selfish? I know it is their day, I'm not trying to cause trouble, my feelings are just really hurt....

Wow, that is a serious overreaction.  

birdybride2014

I feel like you are placing the blame all too easily on your FSIL. She is not responsible for including your family in everything and making sure to celebrate everyone's birthdays, etc. If these are not high priorities for your brother then they probably are not going to be high priorities for her.

I completely understand your feelings being hurt, but involving people/family/friends is not a requirement at all. I say be supportive and move on.

bmydesigner

Agree with PPs, just be happy for them and attend the wedding as a guest. It's not a requirement for her to include you as a bridesmaid, she probably feels that'd be really awkward since you're not close. Maybe try to reach out and get close to her, friendship is a two way street. You don't know if she doesn't like you or not.

Also, it's not really your place to judge her family situation. If your brother needs to be closer with his family, that's really on him and not her.

Jen4948

I agree with PPs.  Your issue is with your brother, not your FSIL.  Brides want bridesmaids and MOHs they feel close to, and you claim yourself that you and she are not close.  Being a sibling of one of the couple doesn't guarantee you a place in the wedding party even if all your other siblings are included.

If you're not happy about your lack of involvement in your brother's wedding or life, he is the one you should take that up with.

I'd just be happy to attend the wedding as a guest.

chelcya

Thanks for the advice. Reading through the replys, you are right. My problem is with him. I just didn't want people to think I'm a bad person for being the only sibling not doing an official wedding duty.

slothiegal

chelcya said:

Thanks for the advice. Reading through the replys, you are right. My problem is with him. I just didn't want people to think I'm a bad person for being the only sibling not doing an official wedding duty.

Trust me, no one is going to think that.  I promise.

Have a talk with your brother if these are things that are bothering you.  And sit back, relax, and enjoy his big day!  No one is going to bat an eye with you sitting as a guest. 

zitiqueen

chelcya said:

Thanks for the advice. Reading through the replys, you are right. My problem is with him. I just didn't want people to think I'm a bad person for being the only sibling not doing an official wedding duty.

I'm fairly certain you won't be at the center of everybody's thoughts on your brother's wedding day.

manateehugger

chelcya said:

Thanks for the advice. Reading through the replys, you are right. My problem is with him. I just didn't want people to think I'm a bad person for being the only sibling not doing an official wedding duty.

Honestly, I don't think anyone really cares. I know it may seem like you'll be being looked at, but I strongly doubt you actually will be.

And right or wrong on the gender role count, I think people especially don't think anything when it's a sibling of opposite gender getting married.

climbingsingle

chelcya said:

Thanks for the advice. Reading through the replys, you are right. My problem is with him. I just didn't want people to think I'm a bad person for being the only sibling not doing an official wedding duty.

Don't worry. No one will think that!