Moms and Maids

Need some help. Does my sister need to be a bridesmaid?

I have a 21 year old, half sister. We have never been horribly close, due to age (we are 10yrs apart) and not living together. We have the same dad, but I lived with my mom growing up and I would visit my dad a couple of weekends every month. When she was in high school/right out of H.S we were closer. Now that she is 21, has a boyfriend, school, work etc we aren't close. We see each other every couple of months, usually when it's someones birthday or something.

I have my 3 best girlfriends I would like as my bridal party, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I also don't believe, I should have her as a bridesmaid, just because she is my sister.

What are your thoughts? Any similar situations?

Re: Need some help. Does my sister need to be a bridesmaid?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You are right, just because she is your half sister doesn't mean that you have to include her as a BM. If you don't want to include her then don't include her.  Could her feelings get hurt?  Yes, but that is not enough reason to ask her to be in your wedding.

  • I agree with Maggie.  Just because you think someone's feelings might be hurt if they're not a bridesmaid doesn't mean you have to make them one.

    I have 2 sisters and a brother, all of whom are within 4 years of eachother and we've always lived together.  Chances are they won't be in our wedding party and they are perfectly fine with that.
  • Sorry to disagree with PPs, but I like the idea of sisters and FSILs in the wedding party. To my, it is symbolic of the union of the families and inclusive of family members. What could it hurt?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sorry to disagree with PPs, but I like the idea of sisters and FSILs in the wedding party. To my, it is symbolic of the union of the families and inclusive of family members. What could it hurt?
    It could hurt a lot of things if the sisters and FSILs don't get along with the bride and keep trying to cross or undermine her.  It could also hurt if they don't get along with anyone else, abuse substances, or otherwise end up needing to be removed by security.  This is not to say that any of these things might happen, but in and of itself sharing DNA with someone doesn't qualify that person to be in one's wedding party.
  • no need to be sorry, I like to see all sides :)
  • I think that it would be fine to not have her as a bridesmaid. Given that you are concerned, though, you could always include her in another way. Are you having a religious ceremony? You could have her light candles, read, or have another responsibility. 
    image

    soontobemrshamilton
  • Nope. I have 3 wonderful sisters I love dearly, but I don't want a huge bridal party, so i'm just having 2 friends and my fsil who i'm close to.
    soontobemrshamilton
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If you are not close with her, you should not have her in the wedding party. Sharing DNA does not automatically enter someone in the wedding party. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    soontobemrshamilton
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sorry to disagree with PPs, but I like the idea of sisters and FSILs in the wedding party. To my, it is symbolic of the union of the families and inclusive of family members. What could it hurt?
    Sorry but the only union that is occurring at a wedding is that between the two people actually getting married.

    Just because you will end up as SIL after you become wed does not mean that you in anyway have to include them in your wedding party, especially if you have zero relationship with them.

    Knottie13986838KeptInStitches
  • Sorry to disagree with PPs, but I like the idea of sisters and FSILs in the wedding party. To my, it is symbolic of the union of the families and inclusive of family members. What could it hurt?


    Sorry I disagree I have a sister, sister in law and half sister and my fi has two sisters. I am not close to his sisters at all. I will be using my sisters a a best friend. I do not want my fi's sisters to be my bridesmaids. My fmil thinks that this is wrong but 6 girls is a lot and I barely talk to them.

    I think you should have who you would like be in your party don't ask someone bc you feel bad.
    soontobemrshamilton
  • I don't think its a requirement to have a sibling in your wedding party. You have the people who you would want standing up there with you when you get married. My FSIL is my maid of honor and my little sister (she is 14) is my bridesmaid, along with my two high school best friends and his cousin. Those decisions were based off my relationship with each of them. Luckily, I have grown to have a good and close relationship with FSIL so having her up there with me was not even a question and I could not think of NOT having my baby sister there with me. In the end, you have whoever you want to have based on your relationship with them, not duty.
  • You don't have to include her just because she is your sister, choose whom you want!

    With that said, I do think it's nice to include sisters. I have my sister who was my MOH (that part was a no brainer for me) but I also included me 3 steps sisters. I am closer with the older ones then I am with the youngest but I thought it would be nice to have all my sisters a part of the WP and it was very nice! When I look back at wedding albums from older family members it's been pretty shocking how many friends in these pictures are no longer in their lives any more but their family members are still around.
    image


    Anniversary
    soontobemrshamilton
  • My SIL is my MOH. Granted, she's been my cohort in mischief since we were toddlers, she's married to my brother and she's my fiance's sister.

    But my actual sister isn't invited. There's too much BSC in her and since it won't be all about her, she will start a physical fight.

    The various people who think it's just horrible are welcome to keep their happy asses home.
  • If any bride is concerned that a guest, much less a member of the bridal party, would create an unnecessary scene at the wedding, or will be involved in an illegal activity, or any of the other situations humans get ourselves into, then the bride and groom should absolutely eliminate those people, whenever possible from the wedding and their lives.
    That said, the OP in this case, and so many others, just say that the people they are being pressured to include in the  BP are just not "terribly close".  I am very lucky, so get to see this through rose colored glasses.  My daughter absolutely did not want my FDIL in the WP, but it was the thing I put my foot down on.  They are now extremely good friends and my daughter has not spoke to her MOH in 6 months.  Sometimes, the perspective of extra years on the planet gives a MOB/MOG the ability to see things the Bride and Groom just miss.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
     My daughter absolutely did not want my FDIL in the WP, but it was the thing I put my foot down on.  They are now extremely good friends and my daughter has not spoke to her MOH in 6 months.  Sometimes, the perspective of extra years on the planet gives a MOB/MOG the ability to see things the Bride and Groom just miss.
    So you forced your daughter to have someone in her wedding party that she didn't want? That is not something I would be bragging about. No matter how good of friends they became later, it's still not right. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Maggie0829
  • buttercup1958buttercup1958 Blue Smokey Mountains
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    @Lauderdale Pink yeah I don't think what you did was cool at all. Plus the tone of smugness irks me. I doubt you will but I think you should apologize to your daughter for that.
    image
  • Yes I forced the issue and would do it again and I am feeling pretty smug about it because it all worked out, much like I knew it would.  Different perspectives on a situation can bring good outcomes.  Some brides need to open their eyes and realize that others involved with their weddings have feelings too.  When these feelings get hurt. over a wedding reception, the damage may not ever be repaired.  One year later, my daughter and her husband along with my son and his fiance are very close and socialize often.  The bond was developed during wedding planning, pre-wedding parties and the wedding.  So yes, I will always stand by my belief that a wedding is a union that brings families together and the bridal party members symbolize that union.  
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If any bride is concerned that a guest, much less a member of the bridal party, would create an unnecessary scene at the wedding, or will be involved in an illegal activity, or any of the other situations humans get ourselves into, then the bride and groom should absolutely eliminate those people, whenever possible from the wedding and their lives.
    That said, the OP in this case, and so many others, just say that the people they are being pressured to include in the  BP are just not "terribly close".  I am very lucky, so get to see this through rose colored glasses.  My daughter absolutely did not want my FDIL in the WP, but it was the thing I put my foot down on.  They are now extremely good friends and my daughter has not spoke to her MOH in 6 months.  Sometimes, the perspective of extra years on the planet gives a MOB/MOG the ability to see things the Bride and Groom just miss.
    That's a load of crap.



    KeptInStitchesMaggie0829
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    I have a 21 year old, half sister. We have never been horribly close, due to age (we are 10yrs apart) and not living together. We have the same dad, but I lived with my mom growing up and I would visit my dad a couple of weekends every month. When she was in high school/right out of H.S we were closer. Now that she is 21, has a boyfriend, school, work etc we aren't close. We see each other every couple of months, usually when it's someones birthday or something.

    I have my 3 best girlfriends I would like as my bridal party, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I also don't believe, I should have her as a bridesmaid, just because she is my sister.

    What are your thoughts? Any similar situations?


    STUCK IN BOX

    Honestly, you said you were close at one point. It's even likely you'll be close again in the future when the age difference begins to dwindle. I agree, DNA does not guarantee any type of relationship or admittance to a wedding party, but if you don't have any problems with your sister, and you are considering asking her, then why not? Asking her to be part of the wedding party does not preclude you from having your 3 best girlfriends as well.  
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes I forced the issue and would do it again and I am feeling pretty smug about it because it all worked out, much like I knew it would.  Different perspectives on a situation can bring good outcomes.  Some brides need to open their eyes and realize that others involved with their weddings have feelings too.  When these feelings get hurt. over a wedding reception, the damage may not ever be repaired.  One year later, my daughter and her husband along with my son and his fiance are very close and socialize often.  The bond was developed during wedding planning, pre-wedding parties and the wedding.  So yes, I will always stand by my belief that a wedding is a union that brings families together and the bridal party members symbolize that union.  
    Personally, I think you stepped in shit and came out smelling like a rose.  Do you realize how lucky you are that it ended the way it did and not the complete opposite?

    Helicopter parenting party of one.

    KeptInStitches
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes I forced the issue and would do it again and I am feeling pretty smug about it because it all worked out, much like I knew it would.  Different perspectives on a situation can bring good outcomes.  Some brides need to open their eyes and realize that others involved with their weddings have feelings too.  When these feelings get hurt. over a wedding reception, the damage may not ever be repaired.  One year later, my daughter and her husband along with my son and his fiance are very close and socialize often.  The bond was developed during wedding planning, pre-wedding parties and the wedding.  So yes, I will always stand by my belief that a wedding is a union that brings families together and the bridal party members symbolize that union.  

    Stuck in the box...

    I think you fucked things up for yourself and your relationship with your daughter in the long run, and being smug about it makes it worse.  It's definitely nothing to be proud of.
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you feel like you should ask her to be a bridesmaid as you mentioned, then ask her. In the end, she's family and honestly what is ONE more person.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you feel like you should ask her to be a bridesmaid as you mentioned, then ask her. In the end, she's family and honestly what is ONE more person.
    Well one more person could result in a couple hundred dollars spent by the bride. The bride could be paying for the dresses, hair and makeup. Then add in the gift plus an extra bouquet. Also, just because she may be family doesn't mean that she automatically deserves a spot as a BM.

    soontobemrshamilton
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you feel like you should ask her to be a bridesmaid as you mentioned, then ask her. In the end, she's family and honestly what is ONE more person.
    Is the ONE more person someone I even get along with, let alone would ask to help me hide a body at 3am?

    If the answer is no, then there is no point in asking her-not even if she's family.
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