Wedding Woes

To Fire the MOH or not to fire the MOH... that is the question

My current "MOH" is someone I've known for over 6 years. She recently got married in December, and I was her bridesmaid. Her MOH kind of dropped of the face of the earth so I stepped up and took care of her bachelorette party and spent quite a bit of money. But I felt it was worth it because I knew that I would be getting married and that she would do the same of me.

It's been 6 months since her wedding and I stepped back to let her enjoy her new husband and home, give her some personal space, and a break from wedding stuff because I know it's difficult. In that time, she moved an hour away without telling me. (I found out via social media) And she never contacts me, I always have to contact her, whether it be about life to see what's up, or wedding stuff. I can't remember the last time we talked. I had gotten laid off of work and I had to contact her to tell her the wedding was temporarily delayed and she didn't see to have much to say. 

Fortunately, everything is now smoothed over and my FH and I are able to move forward with our dream wedding. However, I want to drop my MOH. But here's the problem: Every time I seek advice from my mom on what the right thing to do is, she gets upset that I would want to fire my MOH, because my MOH was a close family friend. But my best friend, who is a bridesmaid, is so much more excited about the wedding and wants to talk it more than I do sometimes. I mean she's even started planning my bachelorette party!

I felt pressured into telling my current MOH that she was my MOH because in front of everybody while we were shopping for my dress she said, "I better be your MOH or your officiant." And I definitely didn't want her to be my officiant. And I was completely caught off guard and I just kinda let her take over that position. I know I should've stood my ground and told her that I haven't decided yet. But now I don't know what to do! How do I fire her without any hurt feelings? We haven't talked in forever but I know that it's still not fair to continue with wedding plans and just get married without her even knowing.

Re: To Fire the MOH or not to fire the MOH... that is the question

  • 0Face0Face member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Varuna is right.

    I love my BFF but she and you would have tons in common.  And I'm her MOH, I love her dearly but she doesn't understand this whole "bridesmaids come equipped with glitter cannons as a prerequisite" stuff-which is not a requirement to being a bridesmaid or moh either.
  • I don't think the post has really been read...
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Varuna is right whether the post is read or not. If you 'fire' her, your friendship with her is pretty dramatically OVER. It's a pretty damn big slap in the face to say "Oh, please stand up as my BFF and be my maid of honor in front of all these people...oh wait, changed my mind, I don't like you that much". Firing her = friendship ending No matter what, there will be hurt feelings if you fire her. (and possibly hurt feelings from BFF if you don't)
  • My current "MOH" is someone I've known for over 6 years. She recently got married in December, and I was her bridesmaid. Her MOH kind of dropped of the face of the earth so I stepped up and took care of her bachelorette party and spent quite a bit of money. But I felt it was worth it because I knew that I would be getting married and that she would do the same of me.

    It's been 6 months since her wedding and I stepped back to let her enjoy her new husband and home, give her some personal space, and a break from wedding stuff because I know it's difficult. In that time, she moved an hour away without telling me. (I found out via social media) And she never contacts me, I always have to contact her, whether it be about life to see what's up, or wedding stuff. I can't remember the last time we talked. I had gotten laid off of work and I had to contact her to tell her the wedding was temporarily delayed and she didn't see to have much to say. 

    Fortunately, everything is now smoothed over and my FH and I are able to move forward with our dream wedding. However, I want to drop my MOH. But here's the problem: Every time I seek advice from my mom on what the right thing to do is, she gets upset that I would want to fire my MOH, because my MOH was a close family friend. But my best friend, who is a bridesmaid, is so much more excited about the wedding and wants to talk it more than I do sometimes. I mean she's even started planning my bachelorette party!

    I felt pressured into telling my current MOH that she was my MOH because in front of everybody while we were shopping for my dress she said, "I better be your MOH or your officiant." And I definitely didn't want her to be my officiant. And I was completely caught off guard and I just kinda let her take over that position. I know I should've stood my ground and told her that I haven't decided yet. But now I don't know what to do! How do I fire her without any hurt feelings? We haven't talked in forever but I know that it's still not fair to continue with wedding plans and just get married without her even knowing.
    Fire her? She's being paid?

    You can't "fire her" or "kick her out" or "ask her to step down" without any hurt feelings. Plus, anybody can plan your bachelorette party and any showers. It's not solely the MOH's responsibility.

    At least you understand that you're in this position because of choices you made, so I guess that's something?

  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah, we can all read and comprehend your post, no one is confused.

    Your MOH is not required to do anything other than buy the agreed-upon, within-budget dress, and stand up next to you at your wedding.

    Weddings are not tit-for-tat. If you did things as her MOH with the mindset that she would "return the favor", it is clear that you do not understand how mature, adult freindships/relationships work. I hope you change your attitude before it ruins the friendship. 



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  • Weddings are not a thing of "Well, I did this for you so now you have to do it for me!"  I'm going through a similar situation where a bride is upset that some of her wedding party isn't shelling out the time, money and attention that she did for their days. And that's the wrong mind-set: You shouldn't have expected your friend to "return the favor" so to speak when it came to your wedding.

    Instead of worrying about how to "fire" her as your MOH, focus on why it seems like the friendship has disappeared. Don't involve wedding talk or "I've noticed you've not done this for my wedding," anything.
  • If you honestly don't want her in your wedding party and you no longer value her as a friend, then you can choose not to have a MOH, not "fire" or replace her.  High potential for drama, this.

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    It doesn't look like a very good friendship if you do things for each other and expect a return.
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