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Chit Chat

Vent- PITA (pain in the ass) cousin

Drewsgirl31Drewsgirl31 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
edited June 2014 in Chit Chat
This just showed up in my news feed and I'm starting to lose my patience with my little cousin. She first messaged me when invitations went out asking if she could bring her bf. We already knew quite a few on our invite list weren't going to make it so I said ok. Then a few weeks ago she calls me asking if she could ride with us to the ceremony, reception and drop her boyfriend off way on the other side of town then take her home, on the opposite side of town. I told her there was no way we could because we had too much to do nor did we have the room in our car with having our kids.
She then proceeds to ask my mom and then all the other aunts and cousins until someone finally said ok.

Now I see this; do I say something or just let it go because in truth, there really won't be anyone there close in age to hang out with. But there never was when I was her age either. She's 17.

Re: Vent- PITA (pain in the ass) cousin

  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Dumb girl. Sorry. I know other knotties will give advice.

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  • I'm not a bride :) we're having a vow renewal but I still don't have time to cater to her and her bf or this new person she's wanting to bring. Vow renewal is being held at my church and then the party is at a reception hall type thing.
    IMathlete
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2014
    Oh for the love of....Honestly I don't know. She's young. At that age I think it's more of an innocent mistake. I don't know though, I had very strict parents, so at 17 I was attending family events with my parents. God Forbid I brought up a "date." If you can accommodate this person she brings, I would say let it go. But, if it is more of a close family and friends VW, speak with her mom. Or have one of your parents (whichever is the sibling) speak with her. At the end of the day, we need to learn about proper etiquette at some age.
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    Drewsgirl31lovemyrunner
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Meh....let it go. There's no harm in letting her bring someone else.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • It looks like an innocent mistake (I may have done this when I was 17 - don't think I actually did - but I could have) - I would probably personally ignore it.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit Mile High City member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Going to agree with PP on this one. She's a naive 17-year-old…not worth the energy.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • That's where other issues come in, she was adopted by her uncle and his wife because her mother was unfit and actually passed away about 9 months ago. Right before that she got violent with her aunt and uncle and was removed by the police and is now living with her grandparents who cannot control. The bf and friends she is hanging around with are trouble and we will have alcohol (bartender will be able to control this). The VW is are family and very close friends and it was a stretch for me to agree to the bf because of how he is but I remember what it was like at that age and not being able to bring a bf and hated sitting a lot of dances out.

    Maybe I should just send her message and tell her it's fine but clue her in for future references that these moves she's made should not be done again??
  • I would definitely be the devil in her eyes for saying anything
  • I can sort of agree, but also see the downside by "it's just not worth the fight."  It sets it up that she doesn't learn proper etiquette by not asking to bring a guest when you don't get one, not substituting when your guest/SO can't come, and so on. When does she learn this lesson?  We should tell you no, but we aren't, just means that she may keep this idea that future hosts will have the same attitude. 

    Frankly, I would tell her no. It was rude enough to ask to bring her BF, but then even more rude not to even ask you to exchange BF for just a friend when his plans changed. She just assumed that she could and put it out on her FB feed. Then will probably need her family need to pick up and drop off that friend, instead of BF, again probably not giving them a heads up about a change in person until last minute. I would not be accommodating to all that rude behavior, no matter how naive she is. 
    theartistformerlyknownaspaperpusher
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    The whole asking to ride with you and asking for a ride home reminds me of the office
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    aRachel21aspoonfulofsugar
  • I didn't even think of her letting them (their ride) know about the change of plans, especially since it's this Saturday. Something does need to be said about that. I'm sure when her grandma finds out she can/will correct her but I'm going to see what DH wants to do before I say anything.

    I have never seen the office, but I've heard it's hilarious. I wish this was just a tv script lol
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Yikes. I'm not sure I would have even invited a violent 17 year old with troublesome friends in the first place. I'm kind of inclined to say you should tell her she can't bring anyone besides the boyfriend - it's him, or no date, because that's how invitations (not "reservations") work - and if she chooses to be snotty and not come, whatever. But I'm fully entrenched into giving zero fucks right now so take that with a grain of salt.

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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Yikes. I'm not sure I would have even invited a violent 17 year old with troublesome friends in the first place. I'm kind of inclined to say you should tell her she can't bring anyone besides the boyfriend - it's him, or no date, because that's how invitations (not "reservations") work - and if she chooses to be snotty and not come, whatever. But I'm fully entrenched into giving zero fucks right now so take that with a grain of salt.
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  • Um, she has no maners. I even when I wAs 17 knew better than to bring a friend not my BF to a family function, if he could not attend.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    So, naive means showing a lack of experience, well this seems like an experience she needs to have... Learning about etiquette. How does one become more refined without someone giving her the knowledge? If it's already too late, I would have a talk with her after the fact. It can still be a learning opportunity.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • OP I can understand having reservations with telling her to not bring another guest to the renewal. At the same time, the invitation was extended to the boyfriend, not a random "date". Because your renewal is next week, I would attempt to avoid further stressors. Bringing this up with a cousin who is an adolescent with violent tendencies, may just add one more thing to the list of stressful things you have to deal with. While she needs to learn proper etiquette at some point, does it have to be today? Its really up to you at this point. 

    Two quick related but slightly unrelated questions about this topic: Isn't it considered faux pa if you do not invite a guest with their SO (no matter how long they've been dating)? Do the rules change if its a vow renewal rather than a wedding? 
  • If you really don't want her bringing a random Facebook date, let her parents know. It's their job to teach her etiquette. 
    Kauris
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    OP I can understand having reservations with telling her to not bring another guest to the renewal. At the same time, the invitation was extended to the boyfriend, not a random "date". Because your renewal is next week, I would attempt to avoid further stressors. Bringing this up with a cousin who is an adolescent with violent tendencies, may just add one more thing to the list of stressful things you have to deal with. While she needs to learn proper etiquette at some point, does it have to be today? Its really up to you at this point. 


    Two quick related but slightly unrelated questions about this topic: Isn't it considered faux pa if you do not invite a guest with their SO (no matter how long they've been dating)? Do the rules change if its a vow renewal rather than a wedding? 
    The rules change when the guest in question is under 18.

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