Lesbian maid of honor gift

elfi919

My maid of honor is my sister who is gay and not at all into girly stuff.  I'm getting the bridesmaids a necklace which will be fine for the other girls but I know my sister couldn't care less about a necklace.  I will probably get her the necklace anyway so she can match the other girls but I'd like to get her a present that she will actually enjoy and use.  All I can come up with is a leather messenger bag or bike accessory.  I talked to her girlfriend and she's not really too sure, but she got her a nice watch for her birthday, so that's out too.  Any good ideas?

Maggie0829

elfi919 said:

My maid of honor is my sister who is gay and not at all into girly stuff.  I'm getting the bridesmaids a necklace which will be fine for the other girls but I know my sister couldn't care less about a necklace.  I will probably get her the necklace anyway so she can match the other girls but I'd like to get her a present that she will actually enjoy and use.  All I can come up with is a leather messenger bag or bike accessory.  I talked to her girlfriend and she's not really too sure, but she got her a nice watch for her birthday, so that's out too.  Any good ideas?

If the necklace is meant to be worn in the wedding then it really shouldn't count as their gift.

You should buy a gift for your BMs that is tailored to each of them, kind of like if you were buying a gift for Christmas or their birthday.  And the fact that your one BM is a lesbian shouldn't matter.  Some people just aren't into jewelry and other "girly" stuff regardless if they prefer men or women.

So if you think a messenger bag or a bike accessory is something that she would like and be happy with them that is what I would get her.

manateehugger

I don't wear necklaces all that often (especially not bridesmaid-related ones that aren't my taste), but I'm a girly girl (and straight - I have no idea what orientation has to do with gift-giving). Bridesmaid jewelry is usually not a squee-worthy gift.

Anything you get someone as part of their attire for the wedding is not a gift, it's a prop.

Try to think of what you would get your bridesmaids for their birthdays - all of them, not just your sister.

Does she have a favorite wine, favorite restaurant, hobby? If she's into biking, a biking accessory she doesn't have could be perfect.

chibiyui

Yeah, if your sister isn't in to jewelry, look at getting her something related to a hobby of hers. Cutting boards for a cook, wine for a wino, bitching glassware for an entertainer, gift card to an outdoors store if she likes hiking, etc. Don't be limited by normal bridesmaids gifts, and don't feel like you have to get everyone the same thing.

zitiqueen

elfi919 said:

My maid of honor is my sister who is gay and not at all into girly stuff.  I'm getting the bridesmaids a necklace which will be fine for the other girls but I know my sister couldn't care less about a necklace.  I will probably get her the necklace anyway so she can match the other girls but I'd like to get her a present that she will actually enjoy and use.  All I can come up with is a leather messenger bag or bike accessory.  I talked to her girlfriend and she's not really too sure, but she got her a nice watch for her birthday, so that's out too.  Any good ideas?

I hope you're doing this for everybody in the bridal party and not considering the necklace to be their gift.

CMGragain

I don't understand your question.  What does her being gay have to do with your choosing a gift for her?  Do gays have different gift etiquette?

Viczaesar

elfi919 said:

My maid of honor is my sister who is gay and not at all into girly stuff.  I'm getting the bridesmaids a necklace which will be fine for the other girls but I know my sister couldn't care less about a necklace.  I will probably get her the necklace anyway so she can match the other girls but I'd like to get her a present that she will actually enjoy and use.  All I can come up with is a leather messenger bag or bike accessory.  I talked to her girlfriend and she's not really too sure, but she got her a nice watch for her birthday, so that's out too.  Any good ideas?

What on earth does her sexuality have to do with what gift you get her? 

biggrouch

I also thought this was a hilarious thread title for the reason that CMGragain did, but I see the point the poster was trying to make. It's not like you are making assumptions based on her sexuality, you are just trying to tell us that you know her well enough to know a necklace is a bad gift for her, and you have mentally associated that with her sexuality instead of her unconventional gender expression. But hey, conventional femininity and straightness do frequently go together; conventional femininity serves the needs of the patriarchy, and not coincidentally, so does heteronormativity. Anyway, I think a leather messenger bag is great, and a very nice gift for most people, male or female (as long as she's not also a vegetarian? sympathy for oppressed animals often goes along with being a member of a sexual minority...:) ). I'd say go for it. And thank her extra-nicely for wearing the bridesmaid outfit to make you happy.

MyNameIsNot

Flannel.  All lesbians like flannel.  

Seriously, you should know your own sister better than to try to select a gift based on some sexual orientation stereotype.  

jneen101

elfi919 said:

I know my sister couldn't care less about a necklace.  I will probably get her the necklace anyway

Sounds like a great gift then.

thelastdreamer

Oh, she's a lesbian? You should probably get her a cat then.

WTF? Just get her something she'd like. And get your other bms something they'd like to. Plenty of straight people don't like wedding jewlery either. 

ashley8918

I hope that the necklace isn't supposed to be the gift for the rest of them. That's not a gift. It's a prop.

climbingsingle

What does her being gay have anything to do with this? Are you really freaking serious with this nonsense?

A necklace that you're requiring your bridesmaids to wear on your wedding day is NOT a gift. It's part of the uniform you're making them wear. Get your sister something she'll like. And get the rest of your BMs something they'd like - a real gift. Not a piece of jewerly they're going to wear once. 

offensivekitten2

What in the world does her bedroom preferences have to do with what kind of gift to give her? How do you not know what your sister would enjoy as a present to such an extent that you can only consider her sexuality? This is so weird. SO weird.

slothiegal

offensivekitten2 said:

What in the world does her bedroom preferences have to do with what kind of gift to give her? How do you not know what your sister would enjoy as a present to such an extent that you can only consider her sexuality? This is so weird. SO weird.

Right??  I keep starting to type a response, then stop, reread, and get confused that this is even a thing.  

Seriously....wut.

logana1

slothiegal said:

show previous quotes

offensivekitten2 said:

What in the world does her bedroom preferences have to do with what kind of gift to give her? How do you not know what your sister would enjoy as a present to such an extent that you can only consider her sexuality? This is so weird. SO weird.

Right??  I keep starting to type a response, then stop, reread, and get confused that this is even a thing.  

Seriously....wut.

First of all, slothiegal , love your gifs. 

Second of all, so for all my girls I did the jewelry thing.  I also got them a bag with their initials on it filled with all sorts of goodies; emergency day of kit, sample sizes of a new fancy mascara because we're all make up/style followers, different scented lotions I know they would like based on what I've seen them have in their bathroom, etc.)  In this bag I also plan on packing them some bottles of water and snacks for the day just in case.  But that's all a uniform gift I'm giving them. 

One of my bm likes scarves, so I'm getting her a nice scarf, another likes wine so I'm adding a bottle of her favorite red wine to the bag, the third bm i'm a little stumped on what to put in her bag thats personal but I know when I see it, it'll be perfect.  She's a single mom and always stressed about various things in her life for obvious reasons, so a massage might be what I get her (maybe a good idea for your sister if she likes massages).  Sometimes a gift certificate for a service like that is good because not everyone likes to spoil themselves to things like that.

The personalized uniform gifts are fun to me and I understand why a lot of people like to give them, but don't forget they're individuals. 

 

  Good luck

abbyj700

My sisters a lesbian and in my wedding party...her sexual orientation has zero to do with her gift. Are you buying the rest of your girls some gift because they are straight? 

And as many have stated - a necklace to wear in the wedding is not a proper gift. 

MollyandD

I get straight girls jewelry as presents, lesbian friends get flannel or tools, gay men receive feather boas, and straight guys get flasks. This rule does not apply for the very young or very old.

I really don't think that elfi919 meant it like it sounded when she said her sister is a lesbian. I really hope she didn't mean that she shops for people based on orientation, but I also like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I do think it was way weird to mention it at all in this context, but I'm hoping as a sister, she's not stereotyping as bad as it appears. 

elfi919

I appreciate some of the suggestions.  I am also certainly not saying I am making any stereotypes or generalizations.  I am sorry I posted this post since it seems like a lot of people like to jump to conclusions and get offended and lash out.  Thank you to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful. 

ashley8918

elfi919 said:

I appreciate some of the suggestions.  I am also certainly not saying I am making any stereotypes or generalizations.  I am sorry I posted this post since it seems like a lot of people like to jump to conclusions and get offended and lash out.  Thank you to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful. 

I don't think that anyone "lashed out". And obviously, people tend to get offended when you state sexual orientation as a reason for not getting a particular gift. I get that "girly" jewelry etc. might not be her style, but that has nothing to do with her sexual orientation.

Also, matchy necklaces to be worn as props for your wedding still do NOT count as their gifts. The idea is to select something that suits each of them and their interests, and has absolutely nothing to do with your wedding.

bcm4585

ashley8918 said: elfi919 said: I appreciate some of the suggestions.  I am also certainly not saying I am making any stereotypes or generalizations.  I am sorry I posted this post since it seems like a lot of people like to jump to conclusions and get offended and lash out.  Thank you to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful.  I don't think that anyone "lashed out". And obviously, people tend to get offended when you state sexual orientation as a reason for not getting a particular gift. I get that "girly" jewelry etc. might not be her style, but that has nothing to do with her sexual orientation.
Also, matchy necklaces to be worn as props for your wedding still do NOT count as their gifts. The idea is to select something that suits each of them and their interests, and has absolutely nothing to do with your wedding.
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 I wasn't going to bother commenting on this since everyone else seemed to have it well covered, but yeah, as a lesbian, I was offended by the wording you used because shit like that is offensive. You could have taken this as a learning opportunity so you could be more sensitive to your sister, but saying it's OUR fault for YOU saying an offensive thing is incredibly irritating. 

Framing it as "she's a lesbian so obviously she wants something different" is a stereotype. I'm a totally girly lesbian. I love jewelry. You put her lack of interest in jewelry and her sexuality together, which does make it a *~*stereotype*~* whether you wanted to or not. You could have said "my MOH doesn't like jewelry or traditionally feminine things, what do I get her?" 

If you want your sister in your life don't put her in the "my lesbian sister" vs. "my sister" box because that shit gets old fast. It comes across as you trying to be edgy because "look my sister is lesbian and I'm being soooo accommodating of it rather than just treating her like any regular person!" 

Stop being defensive and listen to what the people here are actually saying. 

[edited because why aren't the quote boxes showing up correctly they look right in this entry box?]