Chit Chat

NWR: Asking for cash gifts

I am definitely overreacting to this, but it seems to be the new "norm" to blatantly ask people for money, and it drives me up a wall. A friend of mine is hosting a birthday get together for his girlfriend later in the month. He made a facebook invite, and I said that I would attend. Later, the girlfriend went back to edit the facebook invite and announced that she did not want alcohol related gifts or anything else, but asked for everyone to bring cash because she is going to an anime convention next month and wants extra spending money. 

Since we are all in our 20s, I assumed bringing a gift was simply a nice "extra" and that it would not be expected, especially since I am not close to her. Instead, I planned on bringing her a beer she likes (Last year on her birthday, I brought her a nice bottle of vodka, but it turns out she didn't like vodka). Celebrating your birthday is a fun thing to do and it does not have an age limit, but to nearly demand people bring you birthday money when you're a grown adult seems absurd to me.

Should I just give her money because that's what she asked for? I don't really know what to do. Is it rather bitchy that I thought about pretending not to see the gift update and just bring beers for everyone (it's BYOB) or a card instead? I don't want to skip out because I like this group of friends, but sometimes I question their manners.


Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



Re: NWR: Asking for cash gifts

  • How good is this friend? If it's an acquaintance, decline. If it's a really good friend, tell him you felt really awkward when you saw that update and see what he says. If he's just a regular friend.... I vote bring beer.
    ________________________________


  • WTF? No, I would not give her money.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I would say he's a regular friend. Not close per se, but definitely not like a distant friend or acquaintance.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • I do not give birthday gifts to my friends anymore. We are in our 30s and have good jobs- we want something, we buy it ourselves. 

    I bring booze if it is a house party, I buy a cocktail if it is at a bar or restaurant but I do not bring a gift. 
    image
  • I would bring a card.
  • I think I would have to pass on this party, or just bring the beer. I haven't looked for birthday money in a card since I was 12 or so.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker




  • Thank God I'm not the only one who finds this really odd. She'll probably be irritated I didn't get her anything but whatever. She's gotten irritated at me a few times before for things other people thought were ridiculous.

    Like at her last birthday party when I first met her, she got irritated because I didn't ban her guests from drinking a 2-liter of sprite that was just sitting there. She told me that was *HER* 2-liter of sprite. This was the first time meeting her so I thought she was batshit crazy. And several other stories I shouldn't even get into. 


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • Now I want to hear more of the crazy.

    Why was it her sprite?
  • That's ridiculous. I don't get gifts for my friends bday unless I missed their party or we are really close. I don't expect my friends to give me gifts, either.And I would NEVER demand a gift, let alone a cash gift. 

    I would just not go to her party.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    Moderator Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    @misshart00 I have no clue. There were several 2-liters of soda sitting on the kitchen counter when one of her friends approached me and asked if there was anything besides diet coke or coca-cola. I pointed to one of the 2-liters and said "It looks like there's some sprite", so her friend pours himself a glass. She walked inside the kitchen and got very upset, lol. Somehow that ENTIRE 2-liter was for her consumption only. Like, the least she could have done was put a label on it with her name.

    I'll call her Susan and her boyfriend (my friend) Bill: Another time, we were all at a mutual friend's beach house. Mutual friend and I were clowning around and had this weekend long joke about our cereal preference (Mutual friend and I turn into bickering children when we get together, but it's all in good fun). I found a mini-box of "my" cereal preference laying on the floor in a random spot of the house and joked that I was going to have it as a snack (I assumed it was Mutual Friend's box, and I wasn't going to actually eat it). Susan very cross with me and says the box is her's and Bill's box of cereal, and that I can't have it. I just said, "Uhh, sorry, I was just joking". I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY TO THAT.

    Bill later approached me and apologized and said I could have the box of cereal, lololololol. I declined and reminded him that I was joking around.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • edited June 2014
    I know, right?  My parents still want to get me birthday presents, which is just awkward.  You want some cake, that's cool...but to ask me what I want for my birthday?  I'm good, really.   Can we just go out to eat or something? 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker




  • My mom almost always offers me $100 toward my student loans. Best gift.
  • How good is this friend? If it's an acquaintance, decline. If it's a really good friend, tell him you felt really awkward when you saw that update and see what he says. If he's just a regular friend.... I vote bring beer.

    This is what I'd do. Or just bring a card for a regular friend.

    Depending on what really good friend said to me when I brought it up would dictate my gift or lack of one.

    I also agree it's crazy she is asking for gifts at all. That would irritate the snot out of me. I enjoy celebrating birthdays but what I get a person carries year to year. There really is no rhyme or reason to why some years I go overboard or just verbally wish a happy birthday.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm embarrassed at work when my birthday is brought up. I'll bring in cake, can't that be enough?

    Then again, I have no shame in telling Dad that I'd rather he grills his specialties for my birthday present. Yum. Bacon cheddar stuffed chicken. Don't mind the puddles of drool.
  • That's so weird. In my group, we always go out to the bar for birthdays. The point is just to get together. No gifts are exchanged; at most, maybe someone will buy you a drink. The best gift is just being able to spend time with friends.

    I would just bring a six-pack of beer and share it with everyone. Definitely no gift or card.
  • Birthdays no longer get gifts in my crowd. At a bar or restaurant we buy a drink for the birthday person or if it's a party at a house we bring a bottle. We are not 12.

    I would go, take the beer and not take money. She sounds incredibly spoiled and inmature.
  • After that little update, I wouldn't get her anything at all.  She doesn't deserve it.

    Why in the hell is Bill with her anyway?
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I've said it before, I do not believe in rewarding bad behavior and hers is very, very bad. She would get a happy birthday from me. It seems like you want to go despite it being her birthday, so you should still go and interact with her as little as possible.
  • Thanks all for the advice and perspective. I am going because FH really wants to. I will probably just bring beer and definitely avoid Susan. Although I found out Mutual Friend is bringing his new girlfriend who's so odd she makes Susan seem normal.

    @RebeccaB88‌ My thoughts are because Bill is the cheapest person I have ever met and has mentioned how he loves that she doesn't spend money on expensive things. And that she can beat him in video games *sigh*. So while Bill is nice, I think they're a match made in heaven, in a way.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  •  @RebeccaB88‌ My thoughts are because Bill is the cheapest person I have ever met and has mentioned how he loves that she doesn't spend money on expensive things. And that she can beat him in video games *sigh*. So while Bill is nice, I think they're a match made in heaven, in a way.
    Kinda sounds that way, doesn't it?  Too bad no one ever taught her any manners. But if he's not embarrassed by her behavior, I don't know what to say. They are perfect for each other. But I still wouldn't get her anything.  What grown up expects gifts at a birthday celebration anyway?  She sounds kinda immature.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards